My Girlfriend

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My Girlfriend on one of her bad hair, face, makeup, and body days. She's generally hotter than this.

As you can see from the picture to the right, my girlfriend is the single hottest chick on the face of the earth. Every girlfriend you have ever had in your pathetic life is pathetic in comparison, because you are pathetic. I bet you wish you had this girl, don't you? Come on, say it. Say my girlfriend is hot. Say you want her! Say you want my girlfriend!

I want your girlfriend[edit]

What the hell, dude!? She's mine! I know exactly what you want, you ass-face. Don't lie, you slicked back asshole fucking shit bastard child son of a bitch mother fucker shit-head! You want to steal my girlfriend, don't you! Yeah, I'm on to your scheme. You're gonna get to her through me, and then when I'm not looking you're going to wrap your cold, vile fingers around her and seduce her...WRAP THEM, I SAY! And wrap you will! And my deep-seated emotional insecurities completely justifiable suspicions will finally be proven valid! There's only one way you can prove you don't want her, fagballs! That's right, say it, I'm listening, ass-face dipshit pot-sticker gorgonzola piece of shit son of a dog-humping bitch! Tell me my girlfriend is ugly right now!

Jesus Christ! Your girlfriend is ugly![edit]

What, the, hell, man. First you want to steal her, and now you tell me she's ugly? Don't you realize that she was listening to every word of this!? What do you think you just did to her self-esteem, you bastard! She's probably already crying right now! Way to go, jack-off. You made a woman cry. A woman who I happen to have very deep feelings for. Do you know what that means? It means I'm going to kick your ass so hard that it's going to go flying out of the earth's orbit, circle around the sun, build up more momentum, and crash back down to earth at a velocity capable of tearing a hole in reality! I'm going to kick it so hard that that may actually become physically possible! Unless...and this is your only option...you have to tell me my girlfriend is hot. No...not only that, but you have to tell me you want her. That's the only way you're going to get out of this with all of your organs intact, testicle-face. Come on, tell me you want her NOW!

Alright! For Christ's sake! I want your girlfriend![edit]

My girlfriend on one of her good hair, face, makeup, and body days. Bet you don't want her now, do you? Good.

You shit faced dog-fucking retarded crippled gopher! You want her? Huh!? Well you can't have her you son of a bitch! You think I'm foul-mouthed now? Wait till you're kissing your own anus, then we'll see whose got a dirty mouth! Come on, let's go fuck-meat! I'm ready if you are! Your ass is gonna be barbecued chicken by the time I'm done with it! You don't even want to know how that's possible! Trust me! But here, I'll give you a secret: there is one way you can get out of this! That's right, shrimp-nuggets. You can still survive this: you have to tell me my girlfriend is ugly right now. Come on, let me hear it loud and clear, pork-ass!

Alright! Alright! She's ugly! Just don't-[edit]

YOU ARE GOING TO DIE! When I'm done with you, the CSI won't be able to separate your ass, face, or testicles from each other! What is your problem, seriously!? Why can't you just not piss me off! Just for half a second! I don't want to have to take the time, nor the effort, to kick your ass, but you are giving me no choice! I'm going to simply have to rip your balls out of your sack and feed them to you. You're going to make me rip out your spinal cord and whip you to death with it. Do you really think I want to do this? Do you really think that I want to take time out of my busy day, (spent doing my hot girlfriend, who is NOT ugly for your information) just to kick your ass?

AGGGGHHH!!!![edit]

Hey, dude! It's not my fault you keep alternating between wanting to steal my girlfriend and thinking her hideous! What other choice to do I have when you keep verbally assaulting my relationship from both directions at once! I'm the innocent party in this! You're the psychopath! Get a shrink, seriously. I'm done being mad at you, actually. It's not your fault if you're stupid. If I kicked your ass I'd have to kick the ass of everyone with your problem. And that's something I'm not willing to do. After all, some people are just liable to freak out and blame everyone else for their problems.

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