My Lie

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My Lie Basketgate Massacre
My-Lie-WMD.jpg
Deadly baskets found at My Lie
Conflict: Vietnam War
Date: March 16, 1968
Place: My Lie, Quang Ngai Province.
Outcome: Complete Pink Out
Combatants
William Calley Harmless Baskets
Commanders
Ernest Medina Empty Basket
Strength
500 0
Casualties
0 500
Bouncywikilogo10.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about My Lie.

“Go in there and bring back-to-life anything you find that's not breathing!”

~ Col. Oran K. Henderson's original mission orders on Mai Lai

“Bạn có thể đặt đơn đặt hàng của bạn lên hậu môn của bạn!”

~ Vietnamese on Col. Oran K. Henderson's original mission orders

Mai Lai, or My Lie, was a US Army basket-shooting range, located behind the Southern tip of North Vietnam, that closed after the US conflict there ended in 1975. The range was used primarily for target practice, using baskets in the shape of humans (including babies) and domestic animals. This enabled training of soldiers in Nazi-style extermination. Just in case.

When the mass media discovered the existence of the shooting range, an international uproar ensued. The controvery, called Basketgate, ended the Vietnam War. It also changed the face of warfare, by establishing the creation of international uproars as a new battle strategy.

My Lie Death Camp[edit]

“The Mai Lai villagers were armed, so we cut 'em off.”

~ Capt. E. Medina, 2nd Chief Executioner on Mai Lai

This death camp was to be a model village for use in wanton slaughter of baskets as developed by Atilla the Hun in the Middle Ages. After Howard Cosell reported on the mis-match, the US Army closed it down and tried to cover it up by importing 100 tons of sand from Egypt.

Perpetrators of the basketocide were found not guilty by virtue of insanity, with the exception of master-mind, William Calley, who was deemed perfectly sane, and sentenced to 500 life-times in the electric chair, but immediately pardoned by President R.M. Nixon.

Later Calley was awarded The Medal of Honor by General William Westmoreland and also the King's Cup of Piss from Larry Flynt. He was awarded an honorary Ph. D. in "basketocide" by the "Uncle Ho Primary School for Survivors", but declined the distinction due to a superiority complex.

In a Oct 6, 2007 article the Daily Mail called Calley a "Monster", which puts him in the same category as Rodan, Godzilla and the Alien - a strange distinction for a puny Dick Head, in deed! - in fact, he destroyed more innocent baskets in one go than all the other monsters combined. And Calley did it for real![1].

On Aug 27, 2009 it was reported in the World media that, now faced with certain Hell, William Calley announced, "Gee I'm kinda sorry about that. But boys will be boys!" Calley even offered to clean up all the Agent Orange from the eco-system. The Vietnamese government stated that it was "too late!" for his apology. But he's welcome to 'kiss their ass'.

Reaction by Top Leaders[edit]

The VC Basket family pose for a family photo in My Lie before the arrival of liberating Americans.

It is reported that when General William Westmoreland received news of the closure his response was, "Hell! It's a damn shame when knee-jerks can close down a respectable shooting range. Now what are my boys supposed to practice on? Each other?"

The Daily Lama had no comment other than to point out that killing baby baskets was a sin in Voidism.

Planned Expose by Hollywood[edit]

“No stupid! Shoot THEM!”

~ Warrant Officer Hugh Thompson, a helicopter pilot, instructing his gunner to fire on rampaging American troops.

A movie based on the Vietnam War's "Operation Mai Lai Massacre" (Sink the Pink) is being produced by partners Larry Flynt & Pat Boone with Oliver Stone slated to play the part of Field Marshall Calley, the hero (Aka Capt. Klutz) who distinguished himself by over-powering a one year old VC baby-basket while under enemy fire, including a direct hit by a 1000 Mega Ton VC Bamboo Dung-Bomb (never under-estimate the power of Bull Shit, 1000 mega tons is a lot). The movie is not yet scheduled for release because the studio is still trying to determine if the viewing public will enjoy a movie about insane American troops screwing 500 baskets in an orgy, while the CO was "plugging" baby-baskets. The plot being too complex and with no surprise ending (apart from "Not Guilty" verdict).

Notable Quotes[edit]

  • "Oye! It wasn't 500 dead baby baskets, it was 422, and it never happened anyhow! Alright?"---Henry Kissinger
  • "The only good basket is a dead basket"---William Calley.
  • "Plugging a VC baby-basket is cooler than killing a big basket – this is 'cause they present a much smaller target!"---GI in Charlie Company commenting on morale and shooting skills in Mai Lai.
  • "Not guilty!"---US Army investigation ruling on Charlie Company's wanton slaughter of 500 unarmed baskets in the shapes of old men, women and children, including battle-hardened babies-baskets.

BBC News described the scene[edit]

Cquote1.png Soldiers went berserk, chasing down baskets, both large and small. Families which huddled together for safety in huts or bunkers were shown no mercy. Those who emerged with hands held high were stripped of their baskets. Elsewhere in the village, other atrocities were in progress. Women were being bukkaked; Vietnamese who had bowed to greet the Americans were under-paid for their baskets. Everyone was having a ball, except the CO, William Calley, who couldn't find enough baby-baskets to "plug". By late morning word had got back to higher authorities and a "cease-screwing around" was ordered. My Lai was in a state of sexual orgy. Naked girls and destroyed baskets were strewn through the village. Cquote2.png

Court-martial[edit]

War criminal W. Calley today.

“But we already used up 16 clips and two RPGs, Sir!”

~ PFC Mendoza to Field Marshall Calley's request to keep shooting at a pinko-bamboo baby-basket on My Lie

The only person found guilty, Field Marshall W. Calley, was convicted on September 10, 1971, of premeditated murder for ordering the slaughter. Two days later, however, President R.M. Nixon made the decision to have Calley released from prison, pending appeal of his sentence. Calley's sentence was later adjusted, so that he would serve four and one-half days in a secret Country Club Resort with his girl-friend, no Greens Fees and unlimited golf balls. The part of the deal they did NOT tell Calley is that, "there will be Hell-to-pay!"

Trivia[edit]

  • Mai Lai was really named “MY LIE” but US Army found this too graphic and opted for the alternate spelling.
  • ”The Mai Lai massacre never happened!”---Army defense strategy.
  • US Army contested that killing VC baby-baskets was simply killing VC in advance.
  • William Calley later opened a jewelry store that is a front for morbid trade in Dead Dicks.
  • The Mai Lai massacre didn’t have a single US Solder injured.
  • Never underestimate the battle-prowess of a 3 month old VC baby-basket.
  • Helicopter pilot Hugh Thompson received North Vietnam’s highest honor, the “Dinky Dow” award for ordering his gunner to attack his own men.

References[edit]

See also[edit]

External links[edit]