My cat has gas

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“No, kitty, that's a bad kitty!”

~ Eric Cartman on Fluffy

“Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault”

~ Friends on everybody sing along

This story is absolutely stupid and useless .. but it is funny as a cats ass!

[edit] So I was reading one afternoon

And Fluffy the cat was lying on the couch next to me, so I decided to pet her. She was purring and being generally catlike until I got about halfway down her back. As usual she stuck her butt in the air. Nothing unusual, cats like to stick their butts in the air when you pet them.

[edit] Suddenly, she let out this noise that sounded suspiciously like a fart!

But cats don't fart, so I thought it was just an unusual-sounding purr. I shrugged it off and went back to petting her. Halfway down the back, butt in the air, another loud fart.

[edit] It was fucking weird, man

I tried again, this time I just scritched her ears and petted her head. Didn't touch her back. All was good, and I went back to my reading and let her sleep.

[edit] An hour later, she woke up

I was still curious, so decided to poke the ass button, as people will call it. FART! I touched it again. FART! The ass button had become a fart button!

[edit] What the hell was going on here?!

I was totally confused. Was her food giving her gas, did she teach herself how to fart to confuse the hell outta me? Was she a robot cat trained to fart on command? Then Fluffy started meowing and I fed her and cleaned her litter box and gave her some catnip.

That night I went downstairs and found three cans of beans missing. I quickly ran up stairs, but it was too late Fluffy had exploded!

[edit] The moral of this story

Cats and beans don't mix, now I have go wipe cat guts off the walls, yuck.

[edit] O RLY?

Dude, I can't make this shit up. Ask This Guy, he'll tell you I'm not lying.

[edit] What Can I Do to Prevent my Fat Ass Fluffy from Assploding?

There are plenty of ways to prevent such a disastrous event. Here is a list of what can be done:

1. STOP buying cans of beans. Like seriously! What are you gonna make??!! A $#@$ing burrito?

2. Have a face-to-face talk with your cat. If there is a problem, confronting your blubby tubby will certainly put things out in the open.

3. Kill the fat ass. What??? Why are you looking at me like that? you wanted to stop the assploding prob.

[edit] Reasons some ppl think their cats blew up

People's fat ass cats are always blowing up. Though some blame the obvious cause of gas, Americans have started to blame suicide bombers. Some suspects include Ali M. Ahmed, John "Hussein" Smith, and Oscar Wilde. The death of black cats has led to the investigation of the KKK, even though black fur and undigested fried chicken(along with blood and guts) have been found in peoples houses.