Mythical creatures

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Mythical creatures are creatures which are not un-mythical.


List of Mythical Creatures[edit]

-The Swiss. A race of gnomes three feet tall, with the head of a goat and the body of a goat.

-The Compassionate Conservative. Has the body of a rich, selfish bastard. Has the brain of a rich, selfish bastard who lies a lot.

-Belgium. Said to be a very flat animal, with the ability to spray £1 coins from its rectum to a distance of up to 30 miles, or however far it is to the nearest French farmer.

-The Magic Chinchilla. Rumoured to have the body of a chinchilla and the small intestine of a completely different chinchilla.

-The Jew. Some Jews claim to exist, but this is clearly a Zionist hoax.

-The Llama. Said to have suffocated due to the process of "llammination" at birth, but scientists now believe that the sole specimen was in fact a hamster wrapped in cling film.

-Monaco.

-Robert Kilroy Silk. Widely feared by those of normal skin colours, as this shade of orange cannot be found either naturally or unnaturally in nature and therefore he must be some kind of small cake, preferably one with jam.(See David Dickinson for skin care tips)

-You. You are all actually just a figment of my imagination.

-The Pope.

-Peanut butter. Although widely believed to be a spreadable foodstuff, it is in fact the true form of the Illuminati, and plots to take over the entire consumer market with a policy of increased social welfare for the poor and war widows. WARNING: May contain nuts.

-Me. I am just a figment of your imagination.

-The Laffer Curve. Said to be a very curvy animal which laffed at those foolish enough to believe in it.

-Jimbo Wales. Rumoured to haunt the streets of Wikipedia at night, shrieking a ceaseless dirge called "I Founded Wikis" to the tune of "I Want to Break Free" by Queen.

-George W. Bush. May be related to "George UU. Bush".

-Imagination. Imagination is all just a figment of me.

-Barlow.

-Michelle The Famous Belgian. In fact died of loneliness in the 30's, but is occasionally rumoured to still exist.

List of Creatures which are Not Mythical[edit]

-The Camel is actually real, and not just a pretty drawing on a cigarette packet.

-The Hobbit. Recent sources suggest that sightings have been confirmed in the Shire, Bree, and Mordor.

-Oscar Wilde is real, even though it may seem too good to be true.

-The Sphinx. The Sphinx exists, but it is invisible, untouchable, unsmellable and inaudible. It tastes like chicken.

-Monaco is a small country situated in southern Europe. It has a population of 32,409.

-The Minotaur. He lives in Hoboken, New Jersey and coaches little league baseball ages 7-12.

-The Irish. Yes, they do exist, it's not just a horrible dream. And yes, that means Riverdance actually happened. No, I don't know how either.

-Santa Claus.

-Giant squid really do exist, regardless of ninja propaganda which has indicated otherwise for a long time.

-Jimmy Carter's Presidency was real, but is widely denied by most Americans.