NCAA College Football

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College Football is the little bastard brother of the NFL. But has 120 teams compared to the 32 in the NFL. The most common nickname for college teams is rednecks with at least one team per conference having that nickname, excepting the Redneck Conference itself.

List of Conferences and teams[edit]

Alternating Current Conference[edit]

Alternating Division[edit]

  • Boston College Bagels
  • Clemson University Honkys
  • Florida State Semenial-fluids
  • University of Maryland Terrorists
  • North Carolina State Peanut Butter
  • Wake Forest University Angel-Wiccans (Sun-deprived cheerleaders wince in the sun with that expression that looks like a constant smile but you know isn't like many who aren't used to the sun do in intense sunlight (always sunny there), and can't swallow their spit as a result, then they severely slur "blessed be" and "Goddess bless" with mouthfuls of spit as "bleshshed blee" and "gloddeshsh bleshsh", like all sun-deprived Wiccan ladies do, but it's actually their cheers, come on, you try saying that crap clearly with drool building up in your mouth to the tops of your teeth)

Current Division[edit]

  • Duke University Three-And-Outs (Lacrosse team is known as the Alleged-Rockers, Basketball team is known as the Coach Ks)
  • Georgia Tech Bumblebees
  • University of Miami Tropical Disturbances (soon to be simply Miami Low Pressure Systems or even Miami High Pressure Systems if they keep sucking)
  • University of North Carolina Bar Stools
  • University of Virginia Vaginas (games played in Rotten Banana Stadium also describes the average student)
  • Virginia Tech Rednecks
  • Georgetown Douchebags

Big Fleas Conference[edit]

Mini Eleven Conference[edit]

  • University of Illinois Chiefless Indians (Chief Illiniwek, the noble leader of the team once known as the Native American Stereotypes would come out at halftime and say things like "How" and "Me Indian chief, me do funny dance make white man laugh" before doing a fake dance full of war whoops)
  • Indiana University What-the-fucks
  • University of Iowa Cockeyes
  • University of Michigan Skunks
  • Michigan State University Athenians (the mascot, Athena, a hot but athletic girl from the track team dressed as the goddess (the robe, helmet, and staff), likes to have kinky sex with band geeks, in costume, of course, actually, she has only ever had sex in full costume before (she says she's a virgin when she's not Athena), be careful, as hot as having sex with Athena sounds, she'll whack you with that staff at random times during sex and it ain't plastic, it turns her on, the closer she gets to orgasming, the more frequently she drubs you with the staff, you have been warned but I bet you'll bang her anyway)
  • University of Minnesota Golden Horde
  • Northwestern University Kittens
  • Ohio State University Horse Chestnuts (In most other sports known as the Fuck'eyes)
  • Pennsylvania State University Joe Paternos (Basketball team called "Penn State has a basketball team?")
  • Purdue University Choo-Choo-Trains (every time Purdue does anything, including making a tackle, they blow an annoying train whistle)
  • University of Wisconsin Cheeseheads (Wrestling teams known as the Cheese-packers)

The Redneck Conference[edit]

Non-Texas Division[edit]

  • University of Colorado Butt-Holes
  • Iowa State University Breezes (Once called the Cyclones because nothing sucks as hard as a tornado does)
  • University of Kansas Jaycocks
  • Kansas State University Pussies
  • University of Missouri LitterBoxes
  • University of Nebraska Cornholers

Texas Division[edit]

  • Baylor University Chickenbulls (Their mascot was meant to be a minotaur, but it's half-chicken, half-bull)
  • University of Oklahoma Laters
  • Oklahoma State University Doughboys
  • University of Texas Queers
  • Texas S&M University Whippers
  • Texas Tech University Red Raisins (Baseball team called the Tampons)

Conference Iraq[edit]

Baghdad Division[edit]

Mosul Division[edit]

Mid-Mexican Conference[edit]

Burrito Division[edit]

Taco Division[edit]

  • Ball State University Testicles
  • Central Michigan University Rednecks
  • Eastern Michigan University Beagles
  • Northern Illinois University Slims
  • University of Toledo Red Rockets
  • Western Michigan University O.J. Simpson's Broncos

Small Breast Conference[edit]

Wacky Ten Conference[edit]

  • University of Arizona Cactuses
  • Arizona State University Moon Angels
  • University of Oregon Nikes
  • Oregon State University Cunts (they have a rivalry with the South Carolina Big Rock Hard Throbbing Cocks that dates back to Chuck Norris's third birthday)
  • Stinkford University Pope (the school that thinks it's an Ivy League school but never will be)
  • University of California at Los Angeles Ruined Rainbow Boots
  • University of Southern California Condoms
  • University of Washington Fat Kids
  • Washington State University John Mellencamps
  • University of California at Berkeley NAMBLA men who march in gay pride parades (their stadium is called "The Mitation", for real, not a joke, but nobody also really knows why, it just sounds like California hippie culture, also have a rivalry with Stinkford)

Southeastern Conference of More Rednecks[edit]

Hillbilly Division[edit]

  • University of Florida White Trash
  • University of Georgia Trailer Trash
  • University of Kentucky Moonshiners
  • University of Tennessee Crackers
  • Vanderbilt University Boat Captains (the only school in the Redneck Conference with an average IQ over 100)
  • University of South Carolina Big Rock Hard Throbbing Cocks (have a rivalry with Oregon State Cunts, once known as the Slave-Drivers until the PC police demanded they pick a name more political correct)

Cracker Division[edit]

  • University of Alabama Incest
  • University of Arkansas Hillbillies
  • Auburn University Po' White Trash
  • Louisiana State University Katrinas
  • University of Mississippi Hillbillies
  • Mississippi State University Trailer Trash (originally called the Sambo Nigger Darkies, until the racist white students complained about how everything is given to the black man)

Below the Belt Conference[edit]

  • Florida Atlantic University Bowels
  • Florida International University Golden Showers
  • University of Louisiana at Lafayette Raging Hormones
  • University of Louisiana at Monroe Rednecks
  • Middle Tennessee State University Tomb Raiders (mascot is a sexy Lara Croft lookalike in Lara Croft costume whose only downside is that she doesn't swallow, her spit that is, and drools everywhere)
  • University of North Texas Mellow Yellow
  • Troy University Condoms
  • Western Kentucky University Pillpoppers
  • Arkansas State University Fluffy Cuddlebunnies (changed their name from the "Psycho Indian Tribe Who Will Kill You In Your Sleep" out of fear of the PC police, who demanded that they change it, like they did with South Carolina, but they at least wanted to pick an intimiating nickname, so this is the result)

Best Western Academic Conference[edit]

  • Boise State University Blue Turf (formerly known as the O.J. Simpson's Other White Broncos)
  • Fresno State Universtity Raisins
  • University of Hawaii Gay Pride
  • University of Idaho Potatoes
  • Louisiana Tech University Rednecks
  • University of Nevada Area 51's
  • New Mexico State University Illegal Immigrants
  • San José State University Athenians
  • Utah State University Polygamists

Undecided[edit]

  • United States Military Academy White Rooks
  • United States Naval Academy Semen
  • Notre Dame University Drunken Irish
  • University of The Pacific Quit Football

Ivy League[edit]

  • Hahvahd University Dumbass Legacy Students
  • Jail University Privleged WASP Kids
  • Dartmouth Smart Rednecks (must be able to count to at least 10)
  • Cornell Big Red Chewing Gum (everyone chews gum and spits it on the sidewalks here)
  • Brown Joe Paternos (kind of like Rednecks, Joe Paternos is a team name that gets thrown around a lot)
  • University of Pennsylvania Quaker Oats Guys
  • Columbia Liars...er...Lawyers
  • Princeton Elitist Kids With Names Like "Charles Covington the fourth"

The BCS[edit]

The BCS, short for Bukkake, Crap and Shit, determines the national champion of College Football, by picking the two teams that have paid the most into the NCAA Office Pool to play for the Mythical National Title. Recently the smaller confereence schools have asked that the ratio of money given into the NCAA Office Pool to the grade point average of the players be used in determining the two teams to play for the Mythical National Title. The BCS also selects teams to play in the 4 most presigous "Bowl Games" of the year, which are: The Fruit Bowl, The Cereal Bowl, The Soup Bowl and The Finger Bowl. There are currently 173 bowl games played after the regular season ranging from the Whatsamatta U Bowl to the Toliet Bowl. In 2009 The Oscar Wilde bowl will become the 174th bowl game, to be played in Chuck Norris' Anus in Cleveland, Ohio.

2007 BCS Bowl Games and results[edit]

(Winners in BOLD)

  • Mythical National Title played at Pokemon Stadium, Toronto, Canada.
    • University of Florida White Trash 41- Ohio State University Fuck'eyes 14
  • The Soup Bowl played at The Soup Bowl, Your Mom's Kitchen
    • University of Southern California Condoms 32- University of Michigan Logans 18
  • The Cereal Bowl played at the White Castle near New Orleans, Louisiana
    • Louisiana State University Katrinas 41- Notre Dame Drunken Irish 14
  • The Fruit Bowl played at the Fruit Bowl, Nome, Alaska
    • University of Louisville Bluejays 24- Wake Forest University Angel Wiccans 13
  • The Finger Bowl played at Oscar Wilde Field, Lower Lumbar, Tibet
    • Boise State University O.J. Simpson's Other White Broncos 43- University of Oklahoma Laters 42 (OT)

2008 BCS Bowl Games and results[edit]

  • The Soup Bowl played at The Soup Bowl, Your Mom's Kitchen:
    • University of Southern California Condoms 41- University of Illinois Rednecks 17
  • The Pokemon Bowl played at Pokemon Stadium, Toronto, Canada.
    • University of Georgia Trailer Trash 41- University of Hawaii Gay Pride 10
  • The Finger Bowl played at Oscar Wilde Field, Lower Lumbar, Tibet
    • West Virginia University Rednecks 48- University of Oklahoma Laters 28
  • The Fruit Bowl played at the Fruit Bowl, Nome, Alaska
    • University of Kansas Gayhawks 24-Virginia Tech School Shooters 21
  • Mythical National Title played at the White Castle near New Orleans, Louisiana
    • Louisiana State University Katrinas 38- Ohio State University Fuck'eyes 24

2009 BCS Bowl Games and results[edit]

  • The Soup Bowl played at The Soup Bowl, Your Mom's Kitchen.
    • University of Southern California Condoms 38-Pennsylvania State University Joe Paternos 24
  • The Pokemon Bowl played at Pokemon Stadium, Toronto, Canada.
    • University of Utah Rednecks 31 - University of Alabama Incest 17
  • The Finger Bowl played at Oscar Wilde Field, Lower Lumbar, Tibet.
    • University of Texas Queers 24- Ohio State University Fuck'eyes 21
  • The Cereal Bowl played at the White Castle near New Orleans, Louisiana.
    • Virginia Tech School Shooters 20 - University of Cinncinnati ThunderCats 7
  • Mythical National Title played at the Fruit Bowl, Nome, Alaska.
    • University of Florida White Trash 24- University of Oklahoma Laters 14

2010 BCS Bowl Games[edit]

  • The Fruit Bowl played at the Fruit Bowl, Nome, Alaska
    • University of Oregon Nikes-17 vs. Ohio State University Horse Chestnuts-26
  • The Pokemon Bowl played at Pokemon Stadium, Toronto, Canada
    • University of Florida White Trash-51 vs. University of Cincinnati ThunderCats-24

PWNED, BASTARDS! YOU DO NOT BEAT PITT AT HEINZ FIELD AND EXPECT TO GET AWAY WITH IT!

  • The Finger Bowl played at Oscar Wilde Field, Lower Lumbar, Tibet.
    • Texas Christian University Horny Teenagers vs. Boise State University O.J. Simpson's Other White Broncos
  • The Cereal Bowl played at the White Castle near New Orleans, Louisiana
    • Georgia Tech Bumblebees vs. University of Iowa Cockeyes
  • Mythical National Title played at the Soup Bowl, Your Mom's Kitchen
    • University of Alabama Incest vs. University of Texas Queers

College Football Rivalries[edit]

The main reason why college football is so popular is the rivalry game. It's a chance for all alumni to come back to campus, get stinking drunk and have sex with their daughter's sorority sisters, or even their daughters (and some rare cases their sons). Some teams even play for a trophy, which is usually used to be stuck up the anus of the losing team's coach after each rivalry game. Some rivalries are so huge they have their own names, ranging from the I-cornholed-your-sister-last-night game to The Moonshine-Whiskey Keg.

Major In-Conference Rivalries[edit]

  • Alternating Current Conference
    • Florida State Semenial-fluids vs. University of Miami Tropical Depressions: The Used-Tampon Classic. Miami leads series 24-22-1.
    • Duke University 2010 National Champs vs. University of North Carolina Bar Stools: The Old Whipping Shed. Duke leads series 43-39-3.
    • Clemson University Honkys vs. North Carolina State Lupus: The Cotton-Pickin Nigger Trophy. Clemson leads series 62-37-1.
  • Big Fleas Conference
    • University of Cinncinnati ThunderCats vs University of Louisville Bluejays: The Moonshine-Whiskey Keg. Louisville leads series 0.174 BAA to 0.167 BAA.
    • Rutgers University Green Pawns vs. Syracuse University Purples: The Rainbow Flag Rivalry Syracuse leads series 14-3.
    • University of Pittsburgh Panteras vs. West Virginia University Rednecks: The Pillow Fight. West Virginia leads series 45-43-2.
  • Mini Eleven Conference
    • Indiana University What-the-hecks vs. Purdue University Mimosas: The Ol' Pukin' Bucket. Series tied 45-45-1.
    • University of Minnesota Golden Horde vs. University of Iowa Deadeyes: Pig-on-a-stick Trophy. Iowa leads series 67-29-2.
    • Ohio State University Fuck'eyes vs. University of Michigan Logans The Frozen Fish Fillet. Michigan leads series 57-42-6.
    • Penn State Joe Paternos vs Ohio State University Fuck'eyes The Battle Of The Dead Steel Towns. The series is tied 12-12.
  • The Texas Conference
    • University of Missouri Rednecks vs. University of Kansas Gayhawks: The Boring War. Missouri leads series 72-25-7.
    • University of Texas Queers vs. University of Oklahoma Laters: The Red-Tide Warning. Texas leads series 37-31-1.
  • Conference Iraq
    • University of Houston John Mellencamps vs. Rice University Bowels: The Fight for Galveston, Texas. Rice leads series 45-33.
  • Mid-Mexican Conference
    • Central Michigan University Rednecks vs. Eastern Michigan University Beagles vs. Western Michigan University O.J. Simpson's Broncos: The Best Team in Michigan Trophy. Central Michigan has won the trophy 13 times, Eastern Michigan has won the trophy 13 times, Western Michigan has won the trophy 13 times and 13 times the trophy has been shared amongst all three teams.
    • University of Toledo Red Rockets vs. University of Akron Gimps: The Old Waffle-Iron. Akron leads series 42-31-4.
  • Small Breast Conference
    • Brigham Young University Mormons vs. University of Utah Rednecks: The "I-cornholed-your-sister-last-night" game. BYU leads series 49-46-2.
  • Wacky Ten Conference
    • University of Oregon Nikes vs. Oregon State University Platypi: The French and Indian War. Oregon leads series 23-20-1.
    • University of California at Los Angeles Bruises vs. University of Southern California Condoms: The San Diego Classic. USC leads series 43-27.
    • University of Arizona Cactuses vs. Arizona State University Rednecks: The Grand Canyon Shoot-out Arizona St. leadsseries 41-31-2.
    • University of Washington Fat Kids vs. Washington State University John Mellencamps: The Kool-Aid Cup. Washington leads series 53-24-3.
    • University of California at Berkeley Golden Grahams vs Stanford University Pope: The Pothead Classic: Series tied at 420-420.
  • Redneck Conference
    • University of Florida White Trash vs. University of Georgia Trailer Trash: The World's Largest Outdoor Hoedown. Georgia leads series 45-35-1.
    • University of Alabama Incest vs. Auburn University White Trash: The Aluminum Bowl. Alabama leads 56-51-3.
    • University of Mississippi Dumb Hillbillies vs. Mississippi State University Trailer Trash: The L'eggo My Eggo Bowl. Mississippi State leads series 24-22.
  • Below the Belt Conference
    • University of Louisiana at Lafayette Raging Hormones vs.University of Louisiana at Monroe Rednecks: Voodoo/Crawdad Classic. Louisiana at Lafayette leads series 26-23-7.
  • Best Western Academic Conference
    • University of Hawaii Gay Pride vs. University of Nevada Area 51's: The Anal Probe Bowl. Hawaii leads 11-2.

Major Non-Conference Rivalries[edit]

  • Virginia Tech Rednecks vs. West Virginia Rednecks.
    • The Reddest Redneck Game Tied 0-0-69 (Every game of the series has ended in a 0-0 tie)
  • United States Military Academy White Rooks vs. United States Naval Academy Semen vs. United States Air Force Academy Waste of Taxpayer's Money.
    • The Battle for More Taxpayers Money We all lose this one. (Actual series has United States Military Academy White Rooks leading 13-9-5).
  • Boston College Bagels vs. Notre Dame University Drunken Irish.
    • The Broken Irish Whiskey Bottle. Series tied 9-9.
  • Notre Dame University Drunken Irish vs. University of Michigan Logans.
    • The We-suck-less-than-you-do Trophy Michigan leads 52-50-3.
  • University of Southern California Condoms vs. Notre Dame University Drunken Irish.
    • The Over-Rated Classic Notre Dame leads 42-29-1.
  • New Mexico State University Illegal Immigrants vs. University of Texas at El Paso Mexicans.
    • The Battle for the Green Card New Mexico State University leads series 52-49-1.

Most recent Mythical National Champions[edit]

  • 2008: University of Florida White Trash
  • 2007: Louisiana State University Katrinas
  • 2006: University of Florida White Trash
  • 2005: University of Texas Queers
  • 2004: University of Southern California Condoms

Teams that suck all of the time when it counts[edit]

  • The University of Oklahoma Latters (Formally the Oklahomos but changed to Latters when the first straight quarterback in school history, Sam Bradford joined the team.
  • Arizona State University Rednecks (Who always sucked with former quarterback Rudy Carpenter but should be good with Jack Elway, who is the son of John Elway and Brett Favre)
  • University of Southern California Condoms
  • Any Mini Eleven Conference Team, except the Penn State Joe Paternos who usually beats good teams (except USC, whose quarterback, running back, receiver, lineman, linebacker, etc, is Chuck Norris, but c'mon, nobody beats Chuck Norris, basically the whole team is Chuck Norris), but Penn State never gets to play really good teams because although they beat good tams, they can't beat a shitty team on the road half the time.
  • Notre Dame Drunken Irish. Can never beat crappy teams at home. Formerly head coached by some fat guy.
  • The ACLU Liberals (Formally Division 1, 1918-1976, but were sent to the non-collegiate Consertive-Christian League of God. There record is 0-78 in that league. God is obviously not on their side)

Most Recent Actual National Champions[edit]

  • 2010: Random Division III school somewhere in Kentucky (Defeated University of Florida in the Toilet Bowl, 500-0, although the game was called after fifteen seconds of play)
  • 2009: Some other team
  • 2008: University of Minnesota Golden Horde (Defeated Duke University Alleged-Rapists in the Dyslexic Bwol, 13-0)
  • 2007: University of Memphis Elvises (Defeated University of Arkansas Hillbillies in the Godaddy.com Bowl 32-17)
  • 2006: San José State University Athenians (Defeated Michigan State University Athenians in the Battle of the Bulge, 23-20 2OT)
  • 2005: Texas Christian University Horny Teenagers (Defeated Middle Tennessee State University Tomb Raiders in the AIDS Walk Bowl, 41-38 OT)
  • 2004: Temple University Cosbys (Defeated East Carolina University Butt Pirates in the Incest Bowl, 56-13)