NES

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The controller has remained relatively unchanged throughout time.

The graphics of the NES were highly advanced for the era.

“These game consoles are from terrorists, because mine just exploded and inside the casing there is a tag that says "Muahahahaha"”

~ Dr.Paranoid on his NES

“Super Mario Bros. was one of the hit games for NES”

~ Captain Obvious on Super Mario Bros.

The NES (Real gaming), short for "Necrophiliac Entertainment System" was the first video game system ever. Released in 1902 by a previously unknown box-maker called Boxtari, the NES was unique among their products in that it was a box that actually did something. When you bought a specially designed, separately sold "game box" and put it into a separate slot, they slid together. It wasn't until 1936, the invention of the television, that the NES's true genius shone. When you connected the NES to the TV and tuned the TV to channel 3, it actually displayed images, most of them saying something along the lines of "Press Start"! This was a major breakthrough. In 1937, due to increasing demand, Boxtari issued "control boxes" for the NES that were inserted into holes in the front of the NES. The controllers were another major breakthrough, allowing people to actually play games such as Pong on their televisions. People became addicted. In 1946, Boxtari announced bankruptcy and was bought by Nintendo. Some former members left and formed a company named XtXri, changed to Atari the next day because employees couldn't pronounce the other name.

[edit] Life and Times of the NES

Such NES games, such as PaperBoy, contained quite risque scenes for the time, notably a man in the middle of a sidewalk struggling to put on his pants while a young boy bicycles by.

The NES was not heralded as the breakthrough we consider it today when it was first invented. It was just considered a fancy box and not worth the $666 price tag, especially because you couldn't actually hold objects in it. However, Boxtari's marketing strategy changed all that. The add-on "game boxes" had extra space for storing objects like bubble gum wrappers, or half a pen. This was enough to get some of the best-selling game boxes, like Mario, to sell over 400 million copies, only 20 million of which were placed in the garbage immediately. This was a major step up from the company's infamous "Tele-Box", which sold 100 million copies, 50 million of which were placed in the trash. The company became the richest company in the world. But then the NES stopped selling well, in 1932. Boxtari immediately started work on advertising to get the system selling better. Their advertisements, saying "Soon, a new way to connect with your NES!" got one in almost every living room in the USA and Japan. The television was invented by another company 4 years later and people finally got to see what the fuss was about. They weren't very happy when they found out that all they got was a single message. They rioted, until in 1937, Boxtari created the "control box". This device made it so that users could actually play games using the "game boxes" they had purchased over 30 years earlier. The people were happy... until disaster struck.

[edit] Disaster Strikes

In 1945, disaster struck. People had gotten extremely bored of the NES and wanted new games. The Smurfs created 2 games, but they were dull and repetitive. People were starting to buy the world's first laptop computers, which were actually so bulky that they required special lap-shaped buildings to be built to house them. Boxtari had long since abandoned its normal box-selling business, and went bankrupt in 1946 because of low sales. The company Nintendo bought Boxtari and created several new games, satisfying customers ever since with their ever-increasing array of Mario games, including the ever-popular "Mario Visits Hell," as well as "Grand Theft Mario".

[edit] Spinoffs

• iPodendo - Blends the iPod in with the NES.
• Nintendo Entertainment Rectum - Nintendo's first sex toy spinoff of a game console; made by Nintendorgasm.
• Revolutiontendo Entertainment System - a version made specifically for military soldiers.
• NES-lite - This NES had a refillable lighter at the end of it, as Nintendo were trying to encourage people to smoke from an early age.

[edit] Games for the NES

Classic gaming goodness.

This is a listing of most of the games released for the NES. If you know of any not listed here, please add them.

[edit] Games made by Boxtari

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about NES.

• Pong
• Pac-Man
• Pinball
• Pinball 2: The Same But A Different Name
• Pinball 3: The Reckoning
• That Nameless Game
• Simon Says
• Deadly Towers
• Halo
• Wheel of Fortune (without Pat Sajak, but with Vanna White)
• Maze Craze (later ported to the Atari 2600; the best game ever)
• Marvel vs. Capcom vs. SNK vs. Boxtari vs. DC Comics vs. Image Comics vs. EA Sports
• Street Writer (a text-based writing game where you had to finish writing before you were hit by a street fighter).

[edit] Games made by Nintendo

• Donkey Kong
• Donkey Kong Jr.
• Mario Bros.
• Super Mario Bros.
• Super Busy Hospital
• Super Busy Hospital 2
• Ultra Mario
• Mega Mario
• Omega Mario
• Super Malleo
• Super Malleo 2:Revenge of Mario
• Super Malleo Stars : Malleo & Weegee
• There's no chance of defeating mario
• Mario Mario
• Mario visits Hell
• Mario visits Hell 2: Luigi's Revenge
• Mario visits Hell 3: Mario vs. Satan
• Mario Teaches Suicide
• Potty-training Mario
• The Entire Hario Series
• Adolf Hitler, Jr.
• Metroid Condescension
• Metroid Condescension Double Two Omega Plus Special Hyper Edition
• Duck Hunt
• Goose Hunt
• Bear Hunt
• Duck Hunt: Dick Cheney Edition
• Dog hunt
• Man hunt (Extremely violent)
• Kirby
• Wario's Love Shack
• Kirby's Adventure in Dreamland
• Kirby Wakes Up
• Baby icarus
• Kid Icarus
• Adult Icarus
• Grandpa Icarus
• Dead Icarus
• Ice Climber
• Ice Faller
• Ice Eater
• Ice Fucker
• Balloon War
• Deadly Towers
• Completely Safe Towers
• Anthrax Attack
• Bubblegum Crisis
• StarTropix: Who? Mike Jones!
• StarTropix 2: Zoda's Vacation
• Super Sex Battle
• Super Sex Battle 2: Sluts and Strippers
• Über Mario Bros.
• Wario the Quario is a Bizarrio and so is Mario!
• Animal Crossing: Wild World
• C.C. Deville: The Game
• Resident Earthbound (Unreleased)
• Alien v. Predetor v. mario.

[edit] Games made by Square

• First Fantasy
• Middle Fantasy
• Final Fantasy
• No Fantasy

[edit] Games made by Crapcom

• Mega Man 1, 2, 3, 4
• Mega Man 5: Mega Crap
• Mega Man 6: Mega Fag
• Mega Man 7, 8, 9, X, x1, x2, x3, x4, x5, x6, Zero, XzERO1234567890!

[edit] Games made by the Smurfs

• Smurfy Adventure in Smurfland
• Papa Smurf Visits A Hooker
• Smurfy and the Smurfettes
• The Smurfs meet Bart Simpson
• Wheel of Fortune (with unnamed Smurf as letter-turner)
• The Smurfs' Nightmare
• The Smurfs Wake Up

[edit] See also

[edit] Articles

• Atari
• Nintendo
• Television
• Pong
• Press Start
• Game Park mini - the handheld console that rendered the NES obsolete!
• iPodendo - A product spinoff of the iPod as a result of a joint venture between Apple Computer and Nintendo.

[edit] Web pages

• http://www.nintendo.com
• http://mirror.uncyc.org