Bloody hell...is this thing on?
OH! Sorry love, haven't seen you there. I was trying to get this damn thing working for nearly 20 years now, and I tend to get lost in my anguish every now and then. What's that you ask? What is it all about?
Oh....`tis a sad sad story. Many have suffered, many more have succumbed to the dark side. Let me tell you where it all began.
Back in the old days
When men were still men, and women weren't allowed in Uncyclopedia we were a small little village nestled snuggly in the valleys of Wikiland.
We huffed kittens for breakfast.
We hunted Grues at sundown (many of us were eaten during the process)
We edited this and that
We were chaotic
And we were happy.
And then it all changed
Some new residents came in and said, Hey! This place is a pig sty! We need to make some changes!
And they started working
They painted the fences
They rounded up the Grues (many of them were eaten during the process)
They took the kittens as pets (I mean, honestly, kitten as pets?!)
They set guidelines for editing (god damn it! What's wrong with simply spewing random text all over the place)
They took our women
They took our booze
They took our dignity.
What's that buzzing sound?
Oh, it's him. Yes yes.
He seems so harmless. Really, with that shinning smile and the three-parts-suit
Seems to wonder abouts aimlessly just smiling his big shiny smile.
But then you start realizing that everywhere you go, he's there.
You're at the grue compound, trying to get yourself a nice hot Grue for dinner, and he's there, scrubbing the grues (Scrubbing the grues?! That's mad!)
You're going to the noob paddock, trying to find out a nice fresh noob to clean your house for you and make you a hot meal, and he's there! being nice to them! being nice to noobs!
And then, and that's obviously the worse, you're going to the public urinals, you know, where we all used to wave our shlongs all over the place, just spraying the walls, the ceiling, the floor, even ourselves, it was good fun!
And then one day, I come over pulling out my shtrungul happily looking forward to spraying all over the place. And then I stopped dead in my tracks.
Your tracks die?
Damn right they did! Because here he was standing, that rascal, with a mop!
Kindly asking me to watch where I'm peeing and clean up after myself.
I giggled a bit and went into that stinking place. And then my tracks died again.
It wasn't stinking anymore.
It was shining. Shining I tell you!
With little red flowers in vases next to sinks, and air fresheners on each urinal.
It was then I decided that enough is enough.
And then you saw that omen in the sky?
Yes, it was a strange day it was. Sky were all murky, wind smelled like sauerkraut, the missus was barking all throughout the night.
And then, I had the strangest sensation, of someone pulling back my head.
I raised my eyes into the sky, and then I saw it.
It was an omen.
An ominous omen.
It was a NOCAJEK
You know that part in the wiki code where you write
__NOTOC__ if you don't want a table of contents?
It was the same.
I was guided by a divine Wiki entity, to print out
__NOCAJEK__ everywhere. Anywhere. All the time.
And thus that hard-working-toilet-cleaning-three-part-suit-wearing-menace shall vanish.
And does it work?
The hell it does! Nothing happens except my printing fingers are starting to rot out!
HE IS TOO DAMN POWERFUL!
But have no fear, I shall overcome. I shall keep printing it till I am victorious.
DO YOU HEAR ME CAJEK! I SHALL BE TRIUMPHANT!