Napalm

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Napalm is a limestone-based drug, which is easy to overdose on. It was especially useful in the Vietnam War, when the United Spades of Amerika dropped it on the Vietcong to lure them into overdosing on it. However, since the Americans knew how much to use, they could safely snort it. Experiments were done with injecting it, but many of these people went insane and could not stop watching anime. Aside from its uses as a drug, napalm has become a popular food condiment in Britain, who regularly eat napalm on toast for breakfast.

“I love the taste of napalm in the morning.”

~ Someone who eats napalm

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”

~ Col. Bill Kilgore about napalm

“I would have preferred eggs and bacon .”

~ The reply of a vietcong to the guy above

History[edit]

Napalm was invented by Jesus, who said, "This is the shit!" For years, the secret was lost after Jesus was crucified. However, the pope rediscovered the formula in the Vatican Archives, but lost it in a poker game with Oscar Wilde. Oscar then made some and promptly snorted it, as he was out of kittens and puppies. He, too, then said, "This is the shit!" He quickly realized how poor he could get with the formula, so he sold it to the government in the year 934 AD. After several years of private use, it was given to the military, who realized its weapon value.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j214/ffswtmedic/Thrill.jpg

Recipe[edit]

Only Oscar Wilde and the government knows the true recipe for napalm. Ask them. However, It is rumoured that all of Mike Ditka's bodily fluids contain napalm.

Napalm can be produced exclusively with the oil of a special kind of palm planted around Naples,So the name NAple-PALM.

Alternative untested recipe[edit]

Wood mixed with Pine Tar and maybe lots of Limestone and lead. Equation:

Wood + Pine Tar + Limestone + lead = Unimaginable FUUUUNNNNNN!!!!

If you want, you can test it on grues but nothing will happen. This stuff sounds excitine, just use basic C4 works every time.

Proverbs and Idioms about Napalm[edit]

"That guy likes the smell of napalm in the morning".(so the Vietnamese refer to a depressed person with suicidal tendencies)

"It's like napalm on the macaroni." (a proverb from a soldier of Italian descent, see Rambo)

"Wife and napalm from your country". (what Rambo remember about a dictum that is mother used says to him)

"Napalm is good here, but it is better there."

"Use the napalm on vietcong is like wasting sugar on shit". (a General about the rationalization of resource)

"We can not have the barrel full and the Vietcong carbonized." (the reply of another General)

"If you do not see them you can not control them, this until someone invented Napalm"

Substitutions[edit]

If you can't get ahold of some napalm, try these drugs instead:

Signs of Abuse[edit]

Make sure your parents don't notice these signs, or you'll get busted.

  • Red eyes
  • Orange rash
  • Memory loss
  • Gasoline-smelling breath
  • Strange growths (You don't want to know.)
  • Lack of Skin
  • Lack of Pubes or hair
  • Lack of movement.. (death)