National Fig Week

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A congressionally proclaimed holiday consisting of wild, drunken, street parties where women are implored to display their breasts in exchange for shiny, plastic beads. This holiday is a week long event and is typically the first week in November.

National Fig Week is observed by bank closures, abnormally low atmospheric pressures, and unprecedented fig consumption (approximately 80% of the world fig production is consumed during the orgiastic week.

[edit] The Controversy

There has been much conflict, bordering on armed insurrection, that Figs get an entire week of commemoration (with breasts) compared to a mere day for sweet potatoes. Pro-Figgists argue that if National Candy Corn Day is merely the day before Haloween then the sweet potato lobby should be satisfied with that. Anti-Figgists argue similarly that as figs and potatoes are both grown (whereas candy corn is a manufactured confection and not a variant of the maize plant) that figs and sweet potatoes ought be on more equal footing.

Supporters of National Talk Like a Pirate Day [1] usually do not concern themselves with either figs or sweet potatoes, although they should as both contain high levels of Vitamin C which is scarce among seafaring folk. Vitamin C deficiency is the leading cause of echolalia

[edit] References

• The US Centers for Disease Contol and Prevention (quizically abbreviated CDC) has an unhealthy interest in promoting figs, sweet potatoes, and plantains (an entire month), and National Split Pea Soup Day. However, plans for 2005 and beyond are suspiciously missing. [2]
• The National Confectioners Association has an obvious interest in Candy Corn Day [3] which is seemingly not supported by the CDC.