Naval 1º de Maio

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Even Naval's logo depicts their league position, in the form of the anchor.

Associação Naval 1º de Maio (usually shortened to just Naval) are the official sports club of the Portuguese Navy, with football being their main focus, and only half-decent sport (they are Portuguese, after all). They are well known for existing for æons, and for striking lucky in 2005. They have never had a game where an opponent has been injured.

Formation[edit]

Naval were formed in 1893, when the Navy got bored of losing Wars and decided to do something constructive. After looking around, and seeing the potential windfalls that football would bring them 112 years later, they decided to go for it.

For the next 112 years, they faced equally weak no hopers with massive names (such as Clube Dragões Sandinenses), competing for the chance to go up to the small-big league, and eventually, the Liga itself. Naval, who thought that, because of their roots, they should get instant promotion, and did not even bother to try.

That wasn't a good idea, and it condemned Naval to a century of obscureness, finally culminating in the 2005 promotion, which was marred when Naval realised that nobody cares about them.

Notable Achievements[edit]

Though Naval boast of having many, many achievements, quite frankly, they don't. They did get promoted the one time, though it took them over one hundred years to do so. They have managed to barely stay in the league the once, and were comfortable (ish, they're themselves of course) the second time. A notable achievement is that they haven't gone bankrupt yet...yet being the operative word. Finally, they have the achievement of signing the deal that stated that only they can sign Navy or ex-Navy players. Why they thought that was a good thing, no-one knows.

Ugly Ducklings[edit]

Naval at their normal position, rock bottom.

Naval have earned the tag of "The Ugly Ducklings" from the Portuguese media, because of the way that they are always the team that no-one ever thinks about. This is of course bad press for Naval; however they were at one point considering bribing Record and A Bola to keep it going, as, without this popularity, Naval would become completely irrelevant mid-table no-hopers that the media never, ever commented on, the worst possible outcome for any team.

Stadium[edit]

The Estádio Municipal José Bento Pessoa (otherwise known as Bloody hell, that's a mouthful) is the home stadium of Naval, and it suits them right down to the ground (or bottom of the sea); it holds exactly their amount of fans at 185. The stadium always seems to be "rebuilt" at the start of every season, inspiring Naval to do well. However, before Christmas even, it always, always seems to have been turned into a rotten carcass, like a boat that is subsceptible to rust being put out to sea for years. This has lead to Naval "investigating" the possibility of a new stadium, but they will get rejected, as, as the leader of the Army put it, "The stadium has to reflect the nature of the Navy".

Controversies[edit]

The Kit Controversy[edit]

This erupted in 2006 after it was revealed that Naval had four kits instead of the usual two, and appeared to be picking them randomly. The Portuguese sports authorities, already embroiled in the Belenenses/Gil Vicente controversy, decided to threaten them with naval warfare; the players usually avoided this at all costs. Naval, of course, backed down immediately, and decided to stick with the shameless Sporting rip-off. This was a new twist, as Paulo Bento, Sporting's coach, declared war on the Figueira da Foz team.

Naval came out, looking fancy with their battleships and their submarines. That didn't deter Sporting though, and the "Três Grandes" cash-cow eventually paid off, as Sporting could just throw more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more people at Naval until they eventually broke through. Naval duly surrendered, for the cost of selling all their young players to SCP's academy.

The "Do They Exist" Controversy[edit]

There was recently a storm about whether Naval actually existed or not. This was due to the fact that Portugal don't have...the best record, shall we say, whenever it has come to overseas fighting, and that their Navy was proven to be non-existant. However, Naval were proven to exist, by way of being one of two teams that Sporting were whining about at the end of 2007.

The BWINLIGA
BWINLIGA.gif

Young Kids Association | The Lamps | Boavista Futebol Clube | Ram-A-Doora | V.Grim Arches | Leixões S.C. | The Watermen | Nation of the Islanders | The Home Bankers | V.Set A Bowel | Sporting Clube de Braga | Sporting Chokers de Portugal | União Desportiva de Leiria |     edit

BWINLIGA.gif