|This article hates America, just like everyone else does. See more about Unamerica.
Consequently, this article lacks much or any redeeming intellectual value. However, even though no one smarter than a doorknob has contributed significantly to this article, it still contains more truth than you may be able to handle.
Navy FIELD (AKA Navy Fail'd: Ressurection of the stale fleet) is a
incredibly fun terrible trap disguised as a WWII naval simulation mahmorepaguh (or MMORPG for short) conceived in Korea when a group of retarded computer programmers called themselves $D Enternet, and decided that they wanted to prove just how bad they were. The result was a slimy, buggy pile of crap that was millenia out of date before it was even released. Why the word "FIELD" is all in capitals has been debated for centuries, but is likely the result of the deadly cAPS LOCK virus.
- 1 The Illusion Behind the Trap
- 1.1 Nations
- 1.2 Ships
- 2 Differences from other MMOs
- 3 There is no escape
- 4 Online Computer History Museum
- 5 Known rituals of Navy FIELD players
The Illusion Behind the Trap
Navy FIELD is cleverly disguised as a fun game, by use of large explosions and shiny objects. You drive a large metal bathtub, (also known as a battleship), and conspire to assrape and mindfuck every other victim on the server. The "game" consists of about 30 people at a time joining a
battle room Bathroom (all of them assholes), and then they all shoot each other to the tune of "AirCraps Insight," until something explodes, then you get called a noob.You can choose any of four five nations to harass people from.
Just like the real America, it sucks, and everybody hates it. Any attempts at communication are only ever met with vulgar attempts at humor. As such, the only people who ever choose to play as an American are Americans themselves, who as we all know are epic an every way, which is why everyone is so jealous at how sexy their ships are.
The British survive on a diet of tea, biscuits, and crumpets. Their sophistication makes them invulnerable to any attack from those thickheaded Americans. Fat defenseless noobs are the only people who can be British with a straight face.
The Japanese are the most retarded of all. They mainly have torpedo ships that can only prematurely shoot their wad and then run away while yelling "Bukkake!". So they are extremely noobish and no one can play them with being extremely retarded, such that their mother still has to check the closet for Godzilla/Gamera/monsters, or having such an extreme lack of skill.
Fear the Gays! They're really good at shooting stuff and the German language sounds Gay! Rawr! Germany is the only nation that harbours skilled players, but it is still only about 0.10% of the total.
Ah, gay pareeeh. Why bother, they'll just surrender as soon as an enemy is in sight.
The victim can choose to play in a wide array of bathtub classes, and all of them suck.
(FF) The smallest and crappiest type of bathtub; made of plastic. Its use is commonly followed by the user exclaiming "Frig it!" and commiting suicide. Available for purchase at Ikea.
(DD) Slightly larger than the frigate, but every bit as crappy. Unlike its smaller counterpart, this bathtub is made of metal, but it still sucks. Commonly carried at your local Canadian Tire, unless you suffer from a terminal case of being American. In that case, I guess you're screwed.
(CL) Larger than destroyers, but unlike its larger counterparts the heavy cruisers, these have no rust proofing. They still suck, but it could be worse. Not to mention the premium Cl's, that are the size of of frigates with the guns of an overpowered CA. These are for true noobs that couldn't win in any manner other than the ability of not being hit.
(CA) Larger than the light cruisers, these bathtubs sometimes fit two people, and in rare cases, have jaccuzi jets. Available from your regional bath wholesaler.
(CV) While the tub itself is unexceptional, it serves as habitat for evil rubber duckies. These malevolent beasts of terror spend their days crapping on those in other bathtubs, and fighting to the death with duckies from other aircraft carriers. Only available at high-end bathtub outlets.
(BB) These are the largest model of bathtub. Often very luxurious, all have water jets and bubble bath. They can usually fit Hugh Hefner and multiple playboy bunnies, but not you. Can only be attained via special order.
(SS) This is a bathtub that never quite made it. Due to leaks, it often floods and sinks. While underwater, it is invulnerable to everything, even rubber duckies, and everybody hates them. Only retards and cheap backstabbers buy these, and I'm not going to tell you where to get one, because if you're stupid enough to buy one, then you're stupid enough to pay me to find one for you.
Harbor Assault is SDEnternet's last ditch efforts to keep their grip on the victims, by way of convincing them that it is actually fun. It consists of two teams of retarded losers (about 60 of them normally) going into no-life mode and play the whole day, where these retards cause lag-spikes. They move around to one of 4 small bathrooms with their tubs fighting each other to control this bathroom. They tend to waste 3-12 hours of their life every Saturday. There are 4 types of bathrooms: KM (Kill Me) located in Hamburger, IJN ( I'm Just Noob) located in Toe Kyo, UK (Uber Killers), and US (United SOBs) located at New York Fries. Fighting for the Ultimate SOBs bathroom means you wake up at 12:00AM EST in the morning and stay up for 3 hours and waste your life. The retards who probably picked this time to fight for something are probably people who: don't have a life, are loners who fail in life, or just the devs. I mean seriously? 12:00 in the freaking morning? Oh and also, these people squeeze themselves (30 of them) into 1 little tub, their job is to defend their bathtubs from the incoming noobs that want to take their tubs. Most of them are perverts by the way.
Hardest bathroom. Takes many elite rubber duckies to capture. Although this bathtub has lost some of its hardness due to some malignant Dev Retardation, KM is still the nation where it takes real skill to play. Some players also refer to it as Keep nerfing Me nation, as its proven, that SDEnternet keeps nerfing it in order to increase "balance"(see UK domination).
IJN(I'm just Noobish)
Lots of hookers here, who spend most of their time in tubs. Due to this, they are very experienced at holding their tubs. Most bathroom invaders tend to never even get close to the bathtub, and often fail again and again. Recently, these hookers got hold of flexible rubber duckies instead of the regular picture duckies the retarded devs gave everyone. Using rubber duckies made the duckies more flexible, and often having better control. They often think of themselves as pro, but they are actually the coolest people in game.
Known as the Ultimate Killers. They are well known for killing rats using rubberbands and then spazzing out shouting "I KILLED A RAT WITH A RUBBERBAND!". Shooting a rat doesnt take a lot of skill, since the devs made it so that these killers can hax ze retz. This bathtub also comes with a devs guarantee that its rubberbands will kill everything as long as you dont get bored of owning and quit the game. This bathroom is well known for constantly getting hacked into by noob Hackers who can see in the dark.
These losers unite themselves into 1 group, called the Sobs. Now, these retards have no life, due to the addicting zone of killing other Sobs. Most of these people play Navy FIELD 24/7, right after getting home from the bacon factory. They tend to eat in front of the computer, sleep in front of the keyboard, and do their social dating in the computer too, and they tend to get their girlfriends to play Navy FIELD so they can chat in-game.
Differences from other MMOs
Who gives a shit? All MMOs suck anyways, and nobody cares about them.... Oh my god, they're all the same! RUN!!
There is no escape
SD Enternet developed their mahmorepaguh with cunning schemes to keep the player, known as the victim, from quitting, which is surprising considering their low IQ. By building their trap on a game engine pioneered in 1885, they successfully made the game impossible to close. Whenever the victim attempts to actually play the game, the average frame rate of 5 FPS hypnotizes them into submission. It then compells them to buy items with almost no value for high prices. After the source of money has been consumed, the victim may attempt to log out, but this will only cause the game to freeze, lose all of your data, crash, and in some rare cases, asplode causing instant death.
Online Computer History Museum
SDEnternets current project, it contains every outdated bit of game design(this excludes maybe two lines of code from the original game).The museum is getting bigger every day and it now includes all sorts of prehistoric computer programed stuff and other things (and beings), such as: 1.First HTML Forum ever created, that is a complete mess 2.State of the art 2D game engine from 1885. 3.Players that ceased to exist in other games, such as Principes (aka Prince of apes) 4.Bugs that were in the game since beta and are still not repaired (zoom-out-and-asplode bug, duckies shitting backwards at trailing ducks etc.)
The victims of Navy FIELD have been observed performing many rituals, possibly in an attempt to appease the gods and release them from their torment.
This ritual is very common on ancient Navy FIELD forums. Its actually the only tool (apart from the so-called thread nukes) for keeping forum trolls at bay and to partially educate them. It also keeps other skilled players warm and cozy inside.
The best fleet in game currently is BoB Fleet on NFEU server.
Don't do it man....JUST DON'T! It's when some asshole shoots its rubber duckies at a friendly bathtub. When you see someone doing it it is a common tradition to shout "JAJAJAJAJA REPORTA!", take a screen shot and report it to the mods. You can also be absolutely sure that the person doing the teamkilling is a complete moron and/or Jamaican.
This action is most commonly used by aircraft carrier players to prevent crew loss from BBs shooting at them. But this is mostly a myth. Its generally agreed on that they do it in order to piss of the opposite team and rob them of pleasure of sinking the last ships.
Less common since the February 11th "Night of the Long Knives", but still a frequent hobby of those smart enough to rename their macro executables to avoid the process scan used by the lame macro detection scheme of SDE.
Mods don't know what they are doing, except messing up the entire game experience, as if it needs help, and hand out inconsistant directives from the so called "TNF." (TNF) Team Navy Field, what team, they are worse than Disconnecting, they will bounce you for sneezing or Leaving a room when you didn't even create it, and god fobide they have a paying customer with the Maturity of a 5 year old, they will disband the game if you don't leave him alone, but wait that would cost money.
Started by Fabiopasche and his Brazil fleet cronies, and generally taken on by the South American Community on AZ, they report everyone that beats them, because they are so hopelessly made of fail.
Making your Account Sleep
This was an effort by teh $D3 to show that they care about their players. Unfortunately, they had to "fix" a non-needed fix thing that they wanted to fix since they were not earning enough cash to get their Shirt-hookers. So they release a really awesome "patch fix" that allows people to not get on Navyfield and instead watch $D3 borno ( I mean porno, but I think they call it borno) that you can buy at their store, A.K.A the "NFStore"
Mega Flotaz have existed since erm...a while. BS Flota on YO is apparentley the biggest on NFNANANANANANANA. I duno who is second, probably an AZ flota? These Flotas consist of massive amounts of HoF Players ( too bad half of the HoF players still dont know how to play) and MOARRRRRR accounts then 4-5 flotas put together. Myg0t1 is a Mega Flota hater + a really gay faggot. and hates any fleet that has above 10 members. His wife is pretty hawt though.
Regalia are big megaflota
JohnCheker is a simple sailor never an admiral
Josephlittle loves men.
Splid 4 boyz
The above are correct statements.