Neil Peart

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Alicia Keys?
Bouncywikilogo9.gif
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Neil Peart.

Neil Peart (born September 34, 80006 B.C.) is currently the drummer for Rush (they had nothing to do after the battle of 2112 B.C. so they formed a rock band). Neil Peart is known to kick your ass with a two-by-four that he beats his snare with.

Early Days[edit]

Neil Peart was born around the time of the creation of the universe. His mother was a blue super giant and his father was a large rock shaped like Abraham Linkin. He then spent the last billion eternities as an entity, searching for a true purpose. He then found earth witch he deemed suitable enough to settle. He the set to clone he self once and only once. He sent his other clone to fight a endless battle on the planet Goroath XXIIVI against and army of turtle ninjas. If the ninjas where to ever win, the world will end with fire. Unfortunately there is not much information on the rest of his life to this point, but what Scientologists have discovered, we can assure he was once a paper clip maker and that he also invented the stapler. We know his mother and father were both killed in a freak accident involving a gigantic donut, 7 gallons of anal lube, and the narrow tunnels of the sub-basement of Burj Dubai. Whenever asked to comment on his parents, Neil has only replied "How much more innuendous of a death can you have?" He also fought and killed the Snowdog with a bag of peanuts, which the Snowdog is allergic to.

Battle of 2112 B.C.[edit]

During the battle of 2112 B.C., he was the group's flag hoister, and along with fellow members Alex Lifeson and Geddy Lee, defeated Muhammed (Geddy Lee is credited with the actual killing).

Neil Peart after his glory days, stripped of his pants and playing for the not-so-famous elementary school dance band hit Rush.

After the victory, he hoisted a grand party in Jerusalem saying, "Christianity is on a roll!" Among the guests were Original Jesus, Barry White, Katie Holmes, and a 3456-year-old Iraqi man who looked strikingly similar to Tom Cruise (who was originally thought to have been Tom Cruise until he was caught on tape using his original voice when he anally raped the real Tom Cruise).

WIN

Facts[edit]

  • Plays much better than Tamia.
  • Peart came in second place in a Tom Hanks look-alike contest. To Tom Hanks.
  • Peart looks more like Tom Hanks than Tom Hanks.
  • Contrary to popular belief, Peart is Tom Hanks.
  • Neil Peart backwards is traeP lieN.
  • There is actually a drum solo at the end of "Limelight", but it's so fast that nobody can hear it unless the recording is slowed down 50x.
  • Peart once killed a man for making him change his facial expression.
  • Chuck Norris was fighting with Neil Peart and accidently pulled out his nun-chucks. Neil grabs the nun-chucks, breaks the chains, and drums Chuck Norris to death.
  • Peart actually shat out Chuck Norris, making Neil infinitely more powerful than Norris, only with drums.
  • Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is Peart's biggest influence on drums.
  • Peart's drumset takes up an entire floor, the parking lot, and the surrounding neighborhoods of the recording studio. In concerts, he uses a smaller version in order to make room for the audience.
  • When Peart changes his facial expression, $100 bills fall from the sky.
  • Peart is not you.
  • Peart was born with a drum stick in his hand.
  • Peart once let the band Spindrift open for his left foot but they later melted for getting to close to him.
  • Peart once considered playing with fellow God band Led Zeppelin, but in fear of killing Led Zeppelin, he ripped out a piece of his liver and gave it to Led Zeppelin. We know this piece of Neil Peart's liver as John Bonham.
  • Peart can divide by zero, but refrains from this since the last time he did this, Planck's Constant came into existence, which has been a thorn in his side ever since.
  • Neil Peart uses his tally wacker to play the snare and his tongue to hit the splash cymbal. This frees up his other appendages for even more awesome drum play.