Nevada

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Nevada
Neo-Babylonian Empire of Nevada
 
Mariah Carey.jpg Paris Hilton4.jpg
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: Prostitution is legal in Elko
Anthem: Viva Las Vegas! Cusco-Inca Dance Midnight Express (Chase Theme)
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Capital Carson City
Largest city Las Vegas
Official language(s) Seduction
Government Neo-Babylonian Pleasure State
Queen Whore of Babylon
National Hero(es) Frank Sinatra, Siegfried & Roy Art Bell George Knapp
Declaration
 of Independence
31 October 1864
Currency whore, poker chip
Religion Sin, Damnation
Population 25.9910

Nevada is a state in the western United States, notable for its allowance of gambling and being California's dumpster. Although classy East Coast types and Southern rednecks may pronounce it [nəˈvɑdə], down-home western types who attend rodeos know it is pronounced [nəˈvædə], and this convention holds throughout Nevada, Utah, Idaho, and some parts of California. It is for this reason that the new state license plates say "Nevăda."

Geography[edit]

Dirt is exceptionally abundant in Nevada. The logically-overlooked state is also rumored to be the second Zion after Utah is destroyed by God. Reno would obviously not be the capital, but is worth mentioning as the city is filled with hookers, pirates, and hooker pirates. Stephen King was also molested by that weird guy from Deliverance in Nevada.

Cities[edit]

Cities in Nevada are varied and unique (but rare), although every slot machine in every gas station has at least 900 slot machines - slot machines actually seem to outnumber humans in most areas. Elko allows both prostitution and gambling, and is also known to be an ETA Basque Terrorist stronghold. In 1903, Oscar Wilde allegedly said "[It is] where a young man's fancy turns to sagebrush-scented sheep." Elko is also well known for its friendly people (well, at least the whores are...the rest no one is too sure about), two-screen movie theater (the largest between Lamoille and Winnemucca!) and annual Handlebar Mustache Convention, also known as "The Buckaroos are done with work for the season and are in town" Day.Las Vegas, the Reno (home of the O'Brien Death Camp), where you can play Keno at the Casino. Also voted #1 Town in Nevada With Cleanest Hookers. Fallon is another town allowing prostitution. It is commonly referred to as the "Green Wave" because all the skanky whores there are sure to make you vomit. Gerlach, where they do the burning man festival thing is chock full of freaks and nutcases and nightwalkers, who mystereously appear at one of the towns' five bars by the hundreds like zombies. Ending the list are Carson City and Virginia City, both chock full of real live cowboys. All the other insignificant towns are either full of prostitutes or Mormon spies from nearby Utah.

Flora and Fauna[edit]

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Nevada is notable for being the only state covered entirely in sagebrush, though Utah comes in at a close second with 65% being sagebrush.

The natural life is incredibly varied. Flora include sagebrush and... well, that's just about it. The sagebrush seems to grow needing only dirt, no water at all! The whole place is full of sagebrush. 110,567 square miles of Sagebrush and prostitutes. Not exactly beautiful. Plus, all the animals are pimps, coyotes and other desert creatures which will probably kill you. In Las Vegas, you can also find mentally (and physically) retarded tourists (counting as fauna) who've been sent there by mistake and think they're at Disneyland.

Halloween/Nevada Day[edit]

Halloween and Nevada Day are the same day in Nevada. Contrary to popular belief, Nevada Day is a celebration of gloating rather than statehood. The Day was commemorated by President Lincoln to make Arizona jealous. It worked. To celebrate this, the local brothels (whore houses) have specials such as freak nasty lap dance competition and two for one specials. However, the brothels are horribly over priced, so many people "buy" the whores on the street instead. As all the locals say "No pussy's worth that much, even if they test them for HIV/AIDS".


Gross Domestic Product of Nevada (GDP)[edit]

In order of revenue generated of people involved in the industry

1) "Tie" Casino Gambling

1) "Tie" Prostitution (See Cheetahs Gentleman's Club)

1) "Tie" Exotic Entertainment (See Cheetahs Gentleman's Club)

1) "Tie" Manufacture, Distribution and Consumption of Meth

1) "Tie" Nightclub Entertainment Anonymous exchange of Bodily Fluids (See Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Cheetahs Gentleman's Club

2) Impromptu Mob Burials in the desert (See Jimmy Hoffa)

3) Atomic nuke bomb explosions near Tonopah and Death Valley.

Nevada #1s! and other #'s[edit]

  1. #1 for most hookers.
  2. #1 for most casinos.
  3. #1 for most gun violence.
  4. #1 for most meth usage.
  5. #1 for most Californian escapees in the past 3 decades, increased Nevada's population by 2,450%!
  6. #4 for most freaky-type people( who migrate to Bay to Breakers in California once a year).
  7. #17 for most drunk driving fatalities.
  8. #5 for most prisons (California #1, Texas #2).
  9. #16 for worst college sports team ever.
  10. #2 for being 38th on SAT scores.

and # #666 (or 13) for being Sodom and Gomorrah.

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Prison Population[edit]

Carson City alone has 3 prisons. No shit. Every town in Nevada has at least one prison. I guess the residents realised life is better behind bars than on the streets of this shit state.

The Mob[edit]

Back when the mob ruled Nevada, life was good. All you can eat buffets at the casinos for a buck, free parking, cheap Tommy guns. Then MGM Mirage started taking over casinos, and the mob went the way of the dinosaurs. Although the mob still owns the El Dorado and a few other casinos, the damn company chains have taken over most of the state.