Never

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When will this picture finish downloading?

“Me, gay, never. I'm a furry..”

~ Oscar Wilde on Never & Sexuality

Never is a hard concept to grasp. Some people never get it, some others never get over it. Perhaps the easiest way to explain it is with questions that can be answered with "never". Examples:

Q:When are you going to do your room ?
A:Never.

"Never" can also be used indirectly, as in:

Q: When are you going to do your room?
A: When my penis fits snugly into my doorway.

Since it is extremely improbable that one's penis is ever going to be large enough to do it with a doorway (unless you're Mr. T), this can be taken to mean "never", barring shitloads of stretching.

Q: When are you going to do a girl in your room?
A: I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU NEVER HAD ME, MOM!%#(*&

This means "NEVER, AS LONG AS I'M LIVING WITH YOU AND DAD, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME WEAR MAKEUP LIKE THE OTHER KIDS, WHY DIDN'T YOU ABORT ME, I'M GONNA GO CUT MYSELF AND POST ON MY LIVEJOURNAL ABOUT HOW MUCH LIFE SUCKS".

Other questions that can be answered with "Never"[edit]

  • When will Duke Nukem Forever finally be released? Released! omg!
  • When will the USA learn to not create puppet governments in other countries ?
  • So, when will we swap wives ?
  • When will Alizée stop being so DAMN SEXY
  • When are you going to bury that decaying body ?
  • Will you stop writing stuff for the Uncyclopedia ?
  • When will the cure for AIDS be found ?
  • When will Catholic priests be allowed to marry ?
  • Are you coming down on me or what ?
  • When will Sony release the PSP Firmware 2.0?
  • When will IBM vs. SCO go to trial?
  • So, what do you reckon when Microsoft will come out with a working OS?
  • When will people stop complaining?
  • When is Santa Claus coming?
  • When will Wikipedia admit that it's just a parody of Uncyclopedia?
  • When will George W. Bush get his brain back? (What brain?)
  • When will I finish this sentence? OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR F*#&ING MIND?!
  • When will John Cena ever have talent?
  • When will pigs fly?
  • When will Ash evolve his god damned Pikachu?
  • When will Z-Man lose to Y-Man?
  • When will <insert name here> finally get laid?
  • When will Cartoon Network stop making stupid shows?
  • When will Samurai Jack stop killing robots and stripping?
  • When will Captain Crunch admit he killed all the Soggies?
  • When will The Game end?
  • When will Final Fantasy stop?
  • When will Ducks be defeated?
  • When was Lincoln killed?
  • When will this list end?
  • When will 4kids stop sucking all the good things out of anime?
  • When Mr.T not be cool?
  • When will Richmond finish something other than ninth?
  • When will never not be a good answer to a question?
  • When will Bruce Lee be defeated?
  • When will England win the world cup?
  • When will Garth Brooks go down BEFORE the sun comes up?
  • When will MicroSoft release a reliable console?
  • When will a Republican president be elected?
  • When will Keanu Reeves win an Oscar he deserved?
  • When will Apple's iPhone SDK be released?
  • When will you realise you just lost the game earlier?
  • When will you go away and eat some chicken?
  • When will Dead Fantasy 6 be released?
  • When will people stop posting cats on the internet?
  • When won't I get to your chicken and eat it before you?
  • When will Tom Cruise come out the closet?
  • When will Saul Phillips ever be thin?
  • When will Chuck Norris be defeated?
  • When is Rick Astley gonna give you up?
  • When is Rick Astley gonna let you down?
  • When is Rick Astley gonna run around and desert you?
  • When is Rick Astley gonna make you cry?
  • When is Rick Astley gonna say goodbye?
  • When is Rick Astley gonna tell a lie and hurt you?
  • When will I shut up?

Now. PARADOX ALERT!