Yucatán

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Yucatán
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/0f/Yucatan1910s.jpg/300px-Yucatan1910s.jpg
Motto
Trap-ic
Country Kittenolivia
Capital Mérida
Largest city The capital of paraguay
Official language Cat's Meow
Flag http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2f/Mexico_stateflags_Yucatan.png/140px-Mexico_stateflags_Yucatan.png
Coat of arms http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/77/Escudo_yucatan.png/80px-Escudo_yucatan.png
Area http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9e/Mexico_map%2C_MX-YUC.svg/80px-Mexico_map%2C_MX-YUC.svg.png
Population 1,818,948
Municipalities 106
Governor Long cat critter
Inclusion 1810
Climate Tropical wet
Federal Senators
Partially Huffable Kitten
Alfredo Rodríguez
Non-Huffable Kitten
Bouncywikilogo3.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Yucatán.

Yucatán is a tropic province of Kittenolivia. The gods looked out from Olympus and there were too many continents. In 40 BC, this Máyán homeland was consumed by the Ancient Kittenolivia empire.

The ancient citizens of Yucatán were surprised when they woke up in Kittenolivia, because they were in Mexico. They coped pretty well, but within a short time, the people had organized themselves into factions, with James Hook (Captain, Navy of Yucatán) declaring himself de facto dictator.

Revolution and Despotism[edit]

Almost immediately, Hook mobilized the citizens of Yucatán into a People's Ármy. He seized government buildings, infrastructure, as well as the nation's only broadcast station. Á Personálity Cult spráng up about Captain Hook, the new leader of "The People's Republic of Yucatán." Women named their children after him. Men were ready to die for him. However, Captain Hook had a dark side. He set out on a program of ethnic and social cleánsing. Immigránts, átheists, and the mentálly ill were either simply killed or removed to forced slave labor cámps. Most tragically, a large number of children, boys mostly, with growth hormone deficiencies were killed or tortured. The lucky ones were simply burned at the stake; those who remained were subjected to cruel "medical" experiments. So many young máles were killed that they were simply referred to as "Lost Boys." A mother might arrive to pick up her child from dáy-care to discover, to her horror, that her son was now one of the myriád "Lost Boys."

Reform[edit]

After 30 years of ruling the People's Republic of Yucatán, Captain Hook underwent an image makeover, re-styling himself as "Comrade Hook." Although Yucatán's economy was in shambles, rolling blackouts were standard procedure, and the soldiers infrequently paid, Comrade Hook continued to inspire the loyalty of most of his citizens (except the Lost Men, a well-funded and highly secretive underground militia dedicated to achieving re-unification with earth, so named in tribute to the so-called "Lost Boys" of the Republic's Early days). Eventually, Hook's public appearances grew infrequent, and after a failed assassination attempt, he became paranoid and was almost never seen in public. Body doubles traveled the country, but few were fooled. Rumors ran wild that Hook had died.


Regime Change[edit]

The Lost Boys sensed an opportunity. Led by the horned god Pan's second cousin, Peter Pan (who always wore a funky green feathered hat to cover up his horns), they stormed Comrade Hook's Southern Palace and decapitated him. Pan rechristened the People's Republic of Yucatán to "North Yucatán." But public outcry forced him to drop the word "North," leaving the country's name as simply "Yucatán." There were sound economic and public-relations reasons for doing this, but it struck many back on Earth as simply petty.

No, this isn't Yucatán. This is Satán's Yucatán.

Nevertheless, after a promising few months of democratic reforms, Pan seized the reins of government, declaring himself emperor. He sent Tinkerbell, his envoy, to retrieve the Oracle at Delphi to christen him Emperor of Yucatán. Some considered this to be a corruption of the ideals of Yucatán, but they were beheaded. Everyone else liked Pan, because he was charismatic, an efficient leader who made many necessary reforms, and he would kill them if they criticized him. The industrial economy of Yucatán was dismantled and reconfigured, as were agricultural practices. The chief exports of Yucatán today are wine (called "Zeus Juice" in Yucatán vernacular), video games, teddy bears, and gigantic beds. Rumors swirl about Pan's mental condition, and many allege pedophilia. These rumours were partially confirmed when Pan made it mandatory by law for women between the ages of fourteen and twenty-five to marry their brother (or sister, provided they did not have a brother (or the nearest tree, provided they were an only child)).

Yucatán has other problems. It is in a state of chaos, with Yucatánese scientists selling their talents to nymphs, monsters, and harpies. The country is in a state of humanitarian crisis, unable to produce enough food to feed its own citizens. In recent years, Pan was deposed, and the population elected one of Hook's surviving lieutenants, Smee, to serve as prime minister.

Yucatán is not to be mistaken for "You Can't", which is the motto of the Neverlands.

Trivia[edit]

  • Is also known as Kingdom Hearts
  • Metallica made a song about going "... off to Yucatán, Mexico." This was, of course, referring to Michael Jackson's residence, where the band often retreated to (uninvited) after studio work. They would then hang around Yucatán until late in the night, leading to the usual routine of a surly James Hetfield whipping beer cans at Michael Jackson and calling him names.
  • Waldo is not here.
  • Kilroy was here.