New Atlantis

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
New Atlantis flag is distinctively blue in colour


New Atlantis, a thriving community located in the Gulf of Texaco, was founded by Katrina in August 2005.

Modeled upon the original Atlantis (which was devised by Plato as an April fools' joke), New Atlantis occupies the site once held by New Orleans, Louisiana.


As New Atlantis is entirely underwater, the majority of its citizens are sea pirates.

The principal exports of New Atlantis are:

  • fish and seafood
  • gumbo
  • Mardi Gras beads
  • people
  • Escaped mermaid convicts (yes, like in Peter Pan. If Wendy hadn't come to his rescue...well, let's just said he'd be dead.)
Settlers move into new homes in New Atlantis

New Atlantis' primary imports include:

  • guns for shooting looters
  • bottled water (the bottles are great for sending messages when all other communications are destroyed)
  • boats
  • ships
  • MRE's
  • Tridents for the all big politicians

New Atlantis has grown dependent primarily on grants from national organisations such as the Red Cross and FEMA to remain economically viable.


The president for life of New Atlantis is Billy Ocean. All elections were suspended as New Atlantis disappeared beneath the waves and democracy has not been restored.

With the arrival of Hurricane Rita, New Atlantis is expected to continue to expand its influence westward, eventually taking over what was once Texas.


New Atlantis is home to a number of cathedrals dedicated to their Patron Saints, Neptune and Poseidon, and the people are deeply religious.

If you're planning travel to New Atlantis, be sure to say your prayers. Be very sure to say your prayers.


The hospitals of New Atlantis are no longer functional; in a medical emergency, consulting a ducktor or sturgeon may be the only viable option.

As with all triage centres, the black-tag special is best avoided at all costs.

Culture and Tourism[edit]

Tourists love New Atlantis for its fish and seafood

New Atlantis was once a world-renowned tourist destination, however the number of inbound travellers has vastly declined as the city vanished into the sea.

Most of those who visit modern-day New Atlantis are Navy sailors, fishermen or media.

Food and Drink[edit]

New Atlantis is world-renowned both for its seafood and for a drink known as a Hurricane concocted by Pat O'Brien of speakeasy "Mr. O'Brien's Club Tipperary". The password is "storm's brewin'" and the drink itself was served since WWII in a glass shaped like a hurricane lamp.


  • 2 oz light rum
  • 2 oz dark rum
  • 2 oz passion fruit juice
  • 6 oz Rump Steak
  • 1 oz orange juice
  • 1/2 oz fresh lime juice
  • 20 ft storm surge

Agitate until the levee breaks, add:

  • 1 tbsp simple syrup
  • 1 tbsp grenadine
  • Mix with 145mph winds, flooding and mass chaos.

Shake ingredients in cocktail shaker with ice and strain into a hurricane glass. Garnish with cherry and an orange slice. Serve with MREs and bottled water.

Quantities of these various items must be increased by at least four orders of magnitude to serve 10000 or more in disaster shelters.


As all roads into New Atlantis have been destroyed, the best way to tour the community is to board the Titanic.

Be certain, however, to avoid sharing a Titanic cabin with Céline Dion in the interest of preventing acute nausea.

Sea also[edit]