New Discovery: History Wrong

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The National Historical Foundation recently revealed that Cows didn't always piss in your milk. "Yeah, apparently they didn't make... exuse me I just farted in your milk until around the 1950s when cereal started becoming popular," said NHF PR manager, Lorien Draeger, in a recent press conference. "The creators of cereal decided they needed something that could accompany their wholesome product well and provide a more full and robust taste if they were ever going to keep cereal alive." Further explanation revealed efforts by the U.S. government to slip growth hormones into the milk to make our chicks really busty and cameltoe-y in order to control the power hungry males that inhabited the United States with sexual thoughts.