Nu-Math

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This article is about Nu-Math. If you don't know what that is, then New math (ambiguation) probably won't help.

A branch of mathematics which has emerged only recently in the mid-to-late 1990s, Nu-Math is characterised by its abandoning of old-style mathematical coherence and a focus on kicking ass and taking names.

The groundwork for Nu-Math was laid by famed mathemagician Big Norman and his associates Korn, in the textbook "Crawling In My Pain". (Oxbridge University Press, 1992). In it he states and proves the Fundamental Theorem of Nu-Math: namely that given any situation s with a given angst a(s) there exists a way to transform the situation to T(s) such that a(T(s)) is greater than a(s); that is to say, this new, overblown situation T(s) is angstier than s.

Moreover, rather than being a simple theoretical result, the Fundamental Theorem of Nu-Math is followed by a barrage of gritty, down-to-earth, street-level results showing how to construct such a transformation. Examples are the Music Video transformation

the Dramatic Under-Lighting Transformation

and the Gazing Moodily Down a Raining Street Transformation (too long to detail here).

The prime difficulty when applying Nu-Math is to decide which of these transformations will be the most effective. Regrettably, there is no one way to determine which will be the best for any given situation; the only way is to rely on gut feeling. This is not always an option - after all, how many people these days are going to let a mathematician feel their gut? The alternative is to to apply the Slim Shady Algorithm. The Slim Shady Algorithm, originally developed in 1894 by Clown Enema University professor George H. W. Bush, was until 1992 thought to have theoretical value only. Leading philosophers have concluded that it just goes to show.

Remarkably, this branch of mathematics has yet to be stolen by Cauchy.