New Moon

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“What happens to the old moon?

Oops! Were you looking for the Stephenie Meyer fanfiction New Moonoz? Check Twilight.

New Moon, not to be confused with the moon or the smoon, is also known as the eighth wonder orbiting the world. The project began in the early 1800's by soviet rebels, and was completed in 1969 by Neil Armstrong. The project consisted of a full size replica of the original moon, made of paper mache and giant steel framing. The idea for the project was conceived by Ivan the Terrible as a means of securing the first soviet moon landing. It was later discovered by the Ukraine that the original moon was not flat, and therefore would have been just as good.

Early Construction[edit]

The construction of New Moon began with the construction of the world's tallest ladder, designed to

Early concept model.

reach into space for the sole purpose of transporting the construction worker armies to the site. Once the ladder was in place, the first of the steel framing was laid. After several failed attempts to transplant Purple Tapirs to New Moon, which would cement the endangered species' place in history as the first animal to inhabit the soon to be famous celestial body, the construction effort turned to actually making the steel frame look like a sphere. This took several attempts, and the moon looked like a cube, a cubist painting, Vincent Van Gogh, Pamela Anderson, Jon Anderson (of the 1970s prog rock band Yes, who would incidentally write an entire album about the construction of the ladder to New Moon much later), an Epsom Printer, and finally, boobs. Eventually though, the scaffolding was completed in the form of a sphere and the paper-mache-ing could begin.

Duran Duran, the pop band from the 1980's, has posited that the New Moon was constructed entirely in one day, which was Monday.


The exact dates between which New Moon was paper-mached are unknown, but records of the battle of 2112 B.C. indicate New Moon was fully paper mached by the third day of the battle, (Monday).


New Moon was completed in 1969 by the American astronaut/drummer Neil Peart, under his alias Neil

New Moon upon completion.

Armstrong. As a result, Neil was the first person to set foot on New Moon. Upon its completion, the Soviets, angry that their work had been stolen by the Americans, launched their entire nuclear stockpile at New Moon. Each missile simply broke through the surface and went through the other side. The mass depletion of nuclear arms led to the subsequent fall of the Soviet Union.

The oldest man in the universe uses this to contain his ever expanding dodgy magnet collection