New San Francisco

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New San Francisco The Heaven of Christianity, wherein all shall live under the rule of a Pseudo-Holy and Democratic President, selected by the Great Permissive Dude in the Sky Who Lets Us Do Whatever We Want. It is a colonization attempt to right the wrong that is San Francisco, Syria.

Most will be denied entrance to this right-wing paradise, including murderers (they have been misunderstood), pedophiles (see also: Republicans), thieves (see also: Republicans), and Adolf Hitler (see also: Republicans.) Having male privelige, white skin, and exclusive heterosexuality are also prerequisites for entrance, though the tourism brochures never mention this. All males are required to stay at least 3 feet apart from each other, lest they get a beating by its hip young mayor, Laura BushBot III. Racial diversity is very present in the city, with a great variety of pale skinned people of European descent. There is only one major active political party, the Republican party, although the Constitutional Theocratic Party of Butthurt is making headway in recent polls. There are no laws in the city, and every other day a new amendment is placed on the New San Francisco Constitution, because they don't have regular legislation, and have ruled courts illegal in the city to protect the peoples' right to legislate morality. The New San Francisco Constitution states:

Amendment I: Marriage in San Francisco should be only between one man and women or between a man and The One True Lord, Jesus Christ or between a woman and Jesus Christ, not interchangeably. That is how it has been for a reallllly long time, I promise, and we really don't want to see that other stuff. It's black man's the voodoo creation.

Amendment II: Seriously, no gay stuff this time.

Amendment III: Courts are not there to protect you, they only end up legalizing stuff you hate. No really, do you want them allowing them faggots to rub balls and swap fluids under the holy matrimony of our our Jesus? Do you want your daughter huffing kittens? You do?! Well, I got somethin' to tell you boy! We don't need your types round here, no.

Tourist guide info[edit]

Dummies guide to crappiest places to stay says about New San Fransisco "If you like murderers and prescription drugs, you will be in the right place. To see the spectacular views join a tour bus and make sure you take a hand weapon. Also, the pharamacy on 53rd street has the cheapest Oxycodone." - Rush Limbaugh

Also Known As[edit]

  • the City By the Gay
  • the place where God does his Shake and Bake
  • Omaha, Nebraska's bitch
  • California's Sodom
  • The most expensive American city to live in

Famous Residents[edit]

Rush Limbaugh

White Jesus

Freddie Mercury

Mr. Crayola

Ellen DeGenerate

See also[edit]