Newgrounds
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
- If you were looking for David Hasselhoff, you took one hell of a wrong turn.
Newgrounds.com is a faggy website created by Tom Fulp, cheif dumbass of the web. The website is very bad for your health, so do not look at it.
Wade fulp is the brother of Tom fulp. He has a goate which makes him look like a faggot.
Pico is the mascot of newgrounds, well used to be. Johnny Utahs so called "Tankman" has been stamped everywhere on the newgrounds site. Everyone supports Tankman becuase of his use of cock jokes. Some people think it has humor, well those people need to go out more. If you want to know what sexual humor is listen to Russel Brand.
Contents |
[edit] Movies and Games
Modern Newgrounds has evolved into a theocracy. Submitted flash games and animations come first before the Pope, or P-Bot. P-Bot satisfies his hunger by randomly eating these movies and animations. If a flash is by chance not eaten by P-Bot, it becomes a bill and is then passed on to capital hill. Like, if you've ever seen that one School House rock, with the talking bill on the steps of Capital Hill, it's just like that. Of course, there are other great episodes of school house rock, but that one was just gold. It makes a perfect analogy to this thingy we are talking about here. I wonder where those guys came up with that stuff y'know?
[edit] Facts about Newgrounds
It is a known fact that Newgrounds was the first Flash Protal ever conceived. Gentlemen from all over the Internet meet, as they submit their fabulous works of art after weeks or months of tedious efforts. Newgrounds is also widely known for the overabundant originality and maturity of its userbase; never will a user tell another user to fixt is falsh, out of courteousness. The BBS is filled with helpful +18 users who will gladly have a look at your Ashkinscript and fix it for you, free of charge.
While 4chan does not have anything to do with Newgrounds, other than being on the World Wide Web, both share a common interest in having good clean fun. Some argue that 4chan is better more good than Newgrounds, but the lack of conclusive evidence does not allow us to reach a clear verdict. The hilarity that ensues from 4chan's pictures sometimes reaches the BBS, at the great joy of the whole memberbase who gladly embraces each new fad.
[edit] Voting and Reviewing
Probably the most difficult and crucial part of the Newgrounds Internet Experience. Voters must text either 1, F, 3, The Batman Symbol, 8, or 5 on their cellular telephones in order to vote.Everyone on newgrounds either votes 0 or 5. There is also a review system, in which the audience can either build up or tear down the self esteem of the author, either way it usually results in suicides and U.S. history class. Some users view this as their own chance to play God, but they're blatant liars and bat fuck insane. Reviewers tend to get overly angry about very minor things like, "OMG U MADE FUN OF 9/11 I'M GONNA FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE AND KILL YOU"
[edit] Portal Awards and Batting Average
If a flash movie is successful in impressing the Elven elders in space, it may get an award as thanks for being so awesome. Some awards however are not as appealing as others, such as "Daily First", "Weekly Third", and "Tri-Annually Twenty Third", yet on the other end of the totem pole, you have much more coveted ones, like "turd of the week" or "Underdog". Also, if you get good enough scores on all of your works of art, you will get a good batting average. Batting average is dispensed in grades, kind of like school, but nobody makes fun of you and makes you eat clay.
[edit] Ranking
Jesus is the current top user of Newgrounds, but then again, Jesus is the best at everything. Next to him is Pimp, he has over 120 years of experience, and then Wade, Maus, CrazyDelmar, and so on. Many people wonder if he sold his soul to Satan in order to get such a high level. Answer..Yes. Newgrounds users are judged on their ranks, levels, whistles, stickers, blams, saves, genital size, and kittens huffed. Newgrounds encourages it's users to vote on flashes by offering them experience points. Experience points are used to get to the next level and to gain new magicka such as bio 2 and blammaga. You can also cash them in for hot yiff.
[edit] Buttons and Badges
When a user reaches a certain level or gains enough blam/save points, they will get a new little picture. These are much like boy scout badges, except you can't show them off to all the ladies. The original level one icon is a plumber, a symbol of authority and brutality in some countries, but not many. Upon further leveling, the icon changes to more sophisticated weapons, such as a boxing glove wrapped in barbed wire. There is also the blam/protect level, where users have to either rape and murder poor flashes or save them by voting high. Robot Jesus has the highest save rating, considering he went off line for our sins. Finally, users get a pretty whistle depending on how well they tattle tale on the other users. Users can 'blow the whistle' on flashes that are stolen, pornographic, hentaiagraphic, or make fun of black people. If users want even more chances for a shiny toy, they can tattle tale on other people's reviews too. Profound use of the words fuck, shit, and ass can result in a baleted review. Newgrounds is also soon to get an extreme makeover(website edition) and will include new buttons, badges, bells, and whistles too, but don't get your hopes up on this ever happening because omfgItsZoidy, Tom Fulps "friend" tells him that if he does, he will lose all of their "benefits". In fact level will be doubled, making 60 instead of only 30, which means you can feel as twice as special as you really are!(not really!)
[edit] The BBS (Big Bull...well, you know..)
The 'ghetto' of Newgrounds, known by locals as 'T3h Me554g3 B04rD!11', translated roughly as 'Sacred Temple'. The BBS houses every type of person you can imagine and even some you can't. Many of the users are 4 and under, and therefore have little experience on Newgrounds. However, there are a select few experienced users that know a thing or two about Newgrounds. From the site, I have gathered the following tips.
- Thats quite interesting my good sir.
- The first rule of Fight Club is do not talk about Fight Club.
- The second rule of Seal Club is do not talk about Fight Club.
- Sarcasm gains a +2 against 13 years old and below, but have a 33% chance to hit versus regulars.
- Spamming "Power Word: Nigger" is usually frowned upon, and one should restrain from doing so, lest ye be smiten with a 365³ days bannaga.
- There is nothing funnier than editing Bedn into a picture.
- Do not make a new topic unless you can cast Flammaga to ward off lvl 10 trolls.
- Actually, don't cast Flammaga on trolls. You're better off using the "Summon Mod" spell.
- It is a fact that spelling bee champions gather on Newgrounds.
- Everything is McFooFa's fault.
- Yes, your joke HAS been done before.
- An apple a day does NOT keep a doctor away, only garlic will.
- A n00b is an asshole user, a newb, however, is a Jedi Knight.
- A barrel roll can solve anything, including but not limited to girlfriend problems.
- Senri can skank and post at the same time.
- No matter how many posts you have, you are still succeptible to pwn.
- Try as you may, somebody will always post "Fail", "Old, "Use the search", or "Yeah, I agree" in your topic.
- Trying to argue with people with higher post counts will result in a cock-slap to your credibility.
- Both Jesus AND Darwin were wrong, Tom Fulp is God.
- Furries, emos and fanboys are not considered a "random encounter".
- When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the Earth down.
- Proper grammer are very important.
- H-K-S enforces this.
- Buttsecks is a family favorite.
- If you want everyone to love you, you must have signed up a million years ago.
- Mario versus Sonic threads? On the BBS?
- Opinions will be swiss cheesed.
- Ceti is an amazing poster and soon to be mod.
- Ceti is also a narutard.
- Ceti says that is false and is in fact into bestiality.
- Posting 4chan material will get you castrated then reattached then castrated again.
- "Photoshop thread" actually means "MS Paint thread".
- Talking about masturbation will earn you 11 pages, 42 wins and a potato.
- If cooking the potato mentioned above in a skillet on high, an evil ferbie sent by Oprah will come out to hack your NG user name and post incrimnating things about you while talking in spanish.
- General forum is like eating a huge rotten pie, there's more of it but it tastes nasty.
- Zerok will lock any topic with the letter P in it.
- NG users have no morals, they will have sex with a black catholic kangaroo mother's feet whilst smothering her in fecal matter.
- Pokemon are cool and always will be.
- 13 year olds are smarter than the average bear.
- McFooFa has a nonexistent cock.
- citricsquid has a micro-cock.
- McFooFa killed the jews.
- The-evil-bucket is never right, except when he admitted to have anal sex with TomsPulp.
- bigbadron is a bald shitty mod.
- There are no girls on the BBS, except Paragonx9 who is suspected to be a man.
- The Newgrounds BBS is set in the past, that's why all the latest fads only appear there two week after their debut.
- Any attempts to change the past fads from the future via a time machine will be foiled by a man in a suit and sunglasses, calling you Mr. (Insert last name here).
- Moderators can get away with being hypocritical with their own rules as a result they get 4 page threads when they break the rules.
- Using the search bar will give you +6 n00b points as only n00bs use the search bar.
- Alts are always funny.
- The below sentance is false.
- The above sentance is true.
- Fuckers always make paradoxes!
- All the mods are girls due to WadeFulp's desires.
- NewWorldProductions, the current MP running for TomFulp, has flat feet and usually uses them to cook flapjacks.
- Sylvester Stallone could always kick chuck norris's ass.
- David Hyde Pierce would make the perfect BBS mod.
- Your thread was locked by The Man.
Uncyclopedia is quite pleased with the above content, for it is funny and not just stupid.
A petition to change the name of the BBS to a more "hip" name in order to attract teenages was started in 2006. It gained no steam.
[edit] Girouette
Girouette is a user known for his arguments with Gendo over anime, and his obsession with hentai. Most people hate him, but the few that don't just strongly dislike him. Except 64, they had gay bumsecks together. Girouette once actually called bigbadron to "talk" about a ban. No good came of this. In other words he's a gay faggot.
The author of the above paragraph got lost on his way to Encyclopedia Dramatica, where his intense sense of humor shall be greatly valued.
[edit] Stamper
Stamper is a closet heterosexual of male gender. He acts like he's gay, but he, in fact, likes women more than you do. He has posters of Johnny Depp and Orlando bloom to prove his homosexuality, but in vain. He likes to hide his true self behind a façade of astounding maturity, and as such posts relevant and helpful comments to the needy in the art forums and despises any form of joke containing adult material.
[edit] Pico 2
Contrary to popular belief, Tom Fulp actually plans to release Pico 2 in conjunction with Beheamoth's Castle Crashers. He will then go on to win every award possible for this opus including "E3's sexiest game alive", IGN's "Game of teh Year" and a marriage proposal from Steven Hawking. Though all ready married, Tom Fulp will agree, and the two will go on to create a time machine using only shape tweens and gradients.
[edit] The Guys in Charge
Newgrounds, being highly Germanic, is naturally divided into two groups of Nazis.
- Wenig Nazidivison der Moderatoren
(Lesser Nazi division of Moderators)
Moderators, being Nazis, can and will ban you for one FULL day. If a mod does not meet his ban quota every month, he/she will have his already high salary of $80 000 cut by half by Wade, keeping the money for himself to spend on bigger knives, brighter flashlights, and his own personal Deathstar. Mods are usually of the utmost respect to all users, especially newcomers and neophytes; they must show example to the rest of the model society that is Newgrounds. In the rare case that a nazi moderator sees you do a bad thing on the BBS, he will personally PM you to warn you that if you don't immediately cease your shennanigans, he will be in the obligation to apply restrictive actions upon you. However, most of the time, their mod finger slips and a ban is issued by accident.
bigbadron is a queer example, mess with him and you shall be buttsecks into extinction. - Führende Naziabteilung der Verwalter
(Leading Nazi Division of Administrators)
The administrators, in true nazi fashion, administrate the site, update it everyday, give out prize money and merchandise to monthly best submissions. Tom and Wade are currently planning to add a "Religion" section to the userpages; users entering "Judaism" as their religion will have their account instantly deleted and their IP banned forever.
[edit] See also
From time to time, Tom Fulp comes out of his small, yellow, gray, and white cave to see what is happening in the real world... but usually the bright light blinds his computer-dialated eyes and he is forced back into his shell-like cave, where he watches as millions of flash artists praise him and his oldest son, pico for about an hour, they then walk off into random directions and fall off of cliffs like lemmings on crack...
