Nicholas John Griffin
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“I am not racist, just a honourary member of the Ku Klux Klan”
~ Nick Griffin clandestinely recorded on the toilet
“Wow, look at me, as someone who pretends not to be racist. Don't get excited, I won't kill that many people!”
~ Nick Griffin clandestinely recorded at a party meeting
“Whoa, whoa, calm down, Nicky. Don't you think you might be taking the joke a little far?”
~ A. Hitler
Nicholas Benito Adolf "Triple K Griffin a.k.a. Fat Hitler, has been grand Führer of the BNP party since 1990, when he was spurred into action by the assassination of right-wing goddess Margaret Thatcher, who was shot with a potato gun being wielded by a seemingly annoyed John Major.
Secretly Welsh, he was born in Llyywaclywlnllyouareafucktardifyoureadthisnamellareggubnocogocohocobigknockersamlochgoch in 1950, although raised from a early age in Aryan-on-Test, Hants.
[edit] Early Life
Born one of a litter and a degenerate bigoted drunk, bozz eyed shitter Nick Griffin spent his early years closely suckling greedily to his mother’s teats at the expense of many others of the litter who would not survive. He revealed his despicable all too human qualities when after spotting a group of black children having fun he immediately felt persecuted and victimised as a result. This and regular psychological buggery from his racist father threw a young Griffin into politics at an early age. During his childhood Griffin attempted to felate a swan, losing his eye as a result.
As a young teenager, he is believed to have found current BNP Sturmbannführer Mark 'the Jew' Collet when he was just a baby, having been left in a field. Griffin took the baby home and breastfed him into a fully fledged SS Stormtrooper.
[edit] Political Growth
Nick Griffin’s appetite for Neo-Nazism was whetted by his father’s work for the Happy Hitler party. Fighting the forces of decadence in Britain’s cultural life, and the biological destruction and alteration of the British people, Griffin progressed from ironing his father’s black shirts to becoming chief pamphleteer. His brother Peter Griffin later became ashamed of him and moved to Quahog, Rhode Island. However, despite the fact his equally grotty family hate him, he still claims he is not rascist, in the same way Cliff Richard claims he's not gay or Tony Gordon claims he didn't kill Liam. He once quoted I am not racist and i dont agree with what the nazis' did we all know he was lieing.... cos he is a racist twat.
Griffin continued his political growth at university and used the emerging Punk scene to promote Nazi values by forming the ‘Racy Mixers’. Whilst not a mainstream success, his band developed a cult following among other Narnia-jobs, producing hits like ‘I Am A Nationalist-ah’, ‘Pretty Boy Vacancy’ and ‘God Save The Queen - Which We Actually Mean’.
[edit] BNP Führership
Since Nick Griffin ousted BNP founder John Tyndall from the party dictatorship following a small altercation involving an egg and a badger, his style of leadership has been markedly different from his late predecessor, with more attention paid to presenting a homelier (Nick’s home haircut), friendlier (Nick’s winsome smile) and less overtly racist (Nick’s love of Chinese food) façade.
John Tyndall was ultimately expelled from the party for writing the following to Germany’s N(sda)PD:
I could never look upon Griffin as a true BNP leader. From the beginning, there was something in his character and personality that troubled me. He just didn’t seem ‘quite right’. My wife, like many women, is an extremely good judge of people. She has met nearly all of my chief political associates and has never yet been wrong in her assessment of them. “Don’t trust him,” she warned, “He’s a frigging nutjob, and a Mincing nancyboy”. Damn that badger...
[edit] Chairman of Densa
In early 2006 Nick Griffin become the Chairman of Densa, the worlds first Low-IQ society, after 'Nice but Dim' Westwood stepped down. Nick decided to accept the position of power so he could corrupt the other idiots in Densa which his racist ideas, and further his cause of wiping out all ethnic minorities. Suprisingly, ethnic minorities are still allowed to join Densa and Nick seems too stupid to have realized the missed oppotunity to deprive them of something. Alternitively he could be allowing them to join so he gets their adresses and can have them rounded up and gassed during the night at his chamber located in the depths of a Bernard Matthews shed.
[edit] Accusations of Homosexuality
After appearing in a number of gay porn films from the late seventies onwards, specifically in Boys in Black Leather, Schindler's Fist and Dude, Where's my cock?, Griffin was accused of being a homosexual, a claim he has 'stiffly' denied. "I may have appeared in some films, but I had no idea at the time that they were being used as masturbatory aids by sickos, perverts and Martin Webster. As far as I was aware they were documentory films about the beautiful Reich. Incidentally my next film, Gobble Like Goebbels will be in all discerning shops later this year..."
[edit] Fascinating Facts
- Nick is not a Hitler-admiring, Holocaust-denying traitor. It is quite wrong to say that supporting his party is akin to pissing on the graves of the millions who suffered under, and fought against, nazi insanity. He’s an all-round good egg - not a creepy psychopath who’d probably enjoy strangling non-Aryan babies with his stubby bare hands and then burning their bodies to heat the hot water he’d need to wash away the forensics.
- Since 1990, Nick Griffin has a glass left eye following an incident proving the existence of Karma when a shotgun cartridge buried among burning rubbish exploded in his face with hilarious consequences. A section of his left frontal lobe was also lost and resulted in Griffin having to spend the next six months in a special hospital learning to march and rant again.
- Behind the Butt ugly, Fat, Holocaust Denying, KKK loving, Racist, Ignorant, Stupid, Disgusting, Sickening, Muslim hating, wanker body is actually a really nice person.... seriously!
- Although committed to racial purity and the defence of Britain’s genes, Griffin himself was born without any DNA.
- He looks like a really, really ugly version of John Barrowman.
- Eventually convicted and given a Community Service Order to have group sex with some desperate aged Asian and African women. Given compulsory Bhangra Dancing lessons and required to do cleaning work in some Mosques.
- A recent theory posited by the CERN Institute suggests that Nick Griffin needs to be confused on public television. If the theory is correct, then Nick should begin to repeat the phrase "they're taking all our jobs" over and over again in an ever-higher-pitched voice, until he sounds like fucking Tweety Pie, following which his eye will pop out on its spring and his shit-filled skull will explode like a faecal version of Scanners.
- It's a little known fact that Nick Griffin invented the phrase, "im not racist, but...", which is now incidently the most widely used phrase amongst BNP members.
- In the 2009 European Election, Some particularly miffed people threw eggs at Nick Griffin, sending him scrambling for cover. He was then whisked away to avoid a further beating. Frying with rage, he said it was no yoke and we could not afford to make an omelette out of the next election. He promised, one day, it will be all white.
- It is believed that Nick Griffin's favourite thing to listen to on his iPod on the bus, is a collection of the Fuhrer's best speeches, which he tries to learn off by heart so he can put them into practise at the next election.
- Bears an uncanny resemblance to Disney's Quasimodo.
File:Http://66.242.150.46/images/quasimodo.jpg
