Ninja/Weapons
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As elite warriors, Ninjae can use just about everything and anything as a weapon. While not comprehensive, the list below contains some of the more common ninjae weapons.
[edit] List of Weapons
- a ninjas greatest weapon against you is your own existance, the ninja can beat you to death with it.
- dildos
- Ninjastars
- Nunchaku which is a pair of sticks tied together.
- Nununchaku, which is a pair of nunchaku tied together.
- Nunununchaku, which is a pair of nununchaku tied together.
- Nununununchaku... well, you get the idea.
- Nunununununununchakuku, wich is a pair of nununununchaku tied together.
- Nununununununununnununununununununununununununununchakukuku, wich is a pair of nunununununununchakukus and nununununchakus tied together.
- Nununununununununnunununununununununununununununununimstuckinachukufactoryununununununununnununununununununununununununununotatochakukukuku, which is a close relative of butter.
- Balloons
- Bubbles
- Nun-Chaku, which is a pair of nuns tied together
- Num-Chucks
- Sword-Chucks
- Gopher-Chucks
- Norris-Chucks
- Chuck-Taylors
- Chuck-Berry
- How-Much-Wood-Can-A-Wood-Chuck-Chucks
- OPRA WENFRI
- Air
- Rat-Flails
- Light Sabers
- Stick of Butter
- The Sun
- Boydo
- John Howard's eyebrows
- Uber awesome kunai knives
- Extremely shiny throwing stars (shuriken)
- Really sarcastic comments about your taste in clothes.
- The deadly thirty-seven-pointed throwing star, Optimus Prime
- Any body part they can rip off of your pitiful human body.
- Shuko & Ashiko
- Hamtaro
- Electric scissors
- Toasters
- Weekend Proof
- Even smaller ninjas that they keep in special hidden pockets
- Really, *really* small Ninjas, hidden in the pockets of the smaller Ninjae in their pockets.
- Really, really, *really* small Ninjae... well, you get the idea.
- The secret third toe on their boot
- A disarming sense of humor
- Potatoes
- Sharpened potatoes
- kittens
- The new Coke
- The old Coke if out of the new stuff.
- Your Mother. Hide her as good as you can!
- Fire-Water
- Love
- We were just joking about love.
- Peace
- Joking again
- Adoration
- ...ha!
- Ninja-Rangs (Like Boomarangs but deadlier!)
- Retractable claws (Required to make a 'snickt' noise whenever extended or retracted.)
- yo-yos
- Kanji smite, used specifically on annoying fangirls and their obnoxious Japangrish.
- Guitars, and the back up singer
- Vindictive rumors spread behind your back to all your friends
- A magazine, usually Reader's Digest
- Sex
- Boobs (although only the female ninja seem to use these, let alone posess them.)
- Yoda
- Reading at a tenth grade reading level
- Skee-balls
- Light
- Insult Swordfighting
- +30 mana
- Ninja-monkeys
- Ninja-echidnas
- Ninja-kittens
- Ninja-rabbits
- Ninja-turtles
- Ninja-puppies
- Ninja-Squirrels
- Ninja-giraffes
- Ninja-elephants
- Ninja-yeti
- ninja-scorpians
- a-4500b27960000...nahinaga 4571873766chjbc232hb2v 87 caliber machineen turret/sword
- Ninja-Sheep
- Various other ninja-animals
- The Yatta
- Shoelaces, particularly long ones
- Grues
- Megatokyo
- Their tongues
- Geometry
- The right to bare arms
- Two right bear arms
- Their Bare Hands
- Their Bear Hands
- Bears
- Care Bears
- Just about anything else which can be thrown, sharpened, cut, slashed, swooshed and/or shwanged
- Small amounts of phlem from their pet kittens
- Your mum
- Anti-Pirates
- Super Fist of the Nose Hair
- A Led Zeppelin
- A Deff Leppard
- Jimi Hendrix(Already used)
- The Deadly Shards of Jimi Hendrix's smashed Guitars
- Toenail clippers
- Toenail clippings
- Footy boots
- Golf tees
- Football tees
- Tennis tees
- Cross-country running tees
- Yourself
- cabers
- Pencil cases
- Pianos
- Lamps
- Chopstix
- Chopped-Sticks
- Chopin
- Deadly Muffins
- Deadly Creampuffs with sharp angles and powdered swords
- Spears
- Britney Spears
- Britney's Spear's (note the 's)
- Chris Crocker (Female)
- Chris Crocker (Male)
- Brittled Kneed Spears
- David Letterman
- Soya Sauce
- Mines
- Anti-Personnel Mines
- Anti-Tank Mines
- Anti-Aircraft Mines
- Anti-Mine Mines
- Mimes
- Norse Religion
- Jim Cotton
- Dozens of flowers
- Individual flowers
- Oscar Wilde
- Their aura of BADASSNESS
- Ultimate powered all black ninja model electric scissors
- an exploding can of soda
- Anything that it is physically impossible to kill anyone with
- Absolutely, most definitely NOT a straight-bladed cheap looking sword. At least, not all the time. Ninjae were and are masters of disguise as well as elite assassins, you see, and there would be no point in a Ninja disguising himself as a Samurai only to wear said type of sword, because all the real Samurai would look at him and point and laugh, and say, "Look at that shitty sword, looks like one carried by a Ninja!", at which point the disguised Ninja would get pissed off and kill all the Samurai, and fail his mission, because if he wanted to kill the Samurai in the first place, he wouldn't have disguised himself anyway.
- Blue Eyes White Dragon
- The idea that 0.999... is equal to 1, which will force your head to explode.
- Ninjae can divide by 0, and will do so to YOU at will.
- A Drop Bear.
- Your Mom
- Tu Pinche Madre
- Pet bladed mongooses.
- Algebra
- Caluculus
- Second Order Differential Equations
- Exploding Popsicles
- The Blue Screen of Death
- The Ghetto Smack
- Circumcision
- CircumVision
- Evolutionary Debates
- Pokemon (GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL, BITCH!)
- The bitch that lives next door
- The bitch that lives next door's mom and or dog
- The whore from up the street
- World of Warcraft (Nerd game of Doom!)
- Did someone say air?
- The very consciousness of the universe
- Chinese people
- Jesus on occasion
- Jesus V2
- An army of melodramatic squirells
- An impersination of Darth Vader
- Bullets (they don't used guns; they find throwing the bullets to be much mor effective)
- Guns (also much better when thrown)
- Their own existence
- A ridiculously long list of weapons written by ninja geeks who have nothing better to do with their time (note: the ninja that found the list will probably be killing those geeks when he uses it)
- Writer of the previous bullet.
- Killer robot bait
- The kunai gun, which can shoot out kunai knives like bullets. Just as effective as normally throwing them, if not more so.
- Jutsus.
- Anything it is physically impossible to kill someone with
- Anything else
- 50 cents
- big ass
- Squinters
- Bad Driving
- Lawn mowers
- Budda's leftover lyposuction
- Telstra
- Matt Damon
- Jebus
- Leroy Jenkins
- SPARTAAAA!!!
- sim cards
- The Magic school bus
- The sorta-kinda-not-very-magic school bus
- The magic school taxi
- Uncyclopedia editors
- Xboxes
- CDs, which they use like shuriken just to be considered hi-tech
By far the worse weapon a ninja could use is its own blood which is noted for its highly acidic, explosive, ultimate power. It is so powerful that in a recent memo from Halliburton, ninja blood was once discussed as an alternate fuel source. But since the attainment of blood has been rendered impossible by Einstein and Pasteur, not to mention a lack of means to harness the energy, Halliburton working with OPEC defaulted to a hamster wheel contraption.
