Ninja Dust

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Ninja Dust. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

Ninja-Dust is a mythical substance in Japanese history said to have various magical powers, generally used by ninjas. Historians generally conclude that although many of the properties generally ascribed to the substance are mythical, some form of powder was historically consumed by Japanese, and believed to bestow supernatural powers.

The first known account of Ninja Dust is from the reign of Emperor Shigeru Miyamoto, in a folk tale recorded by the scribe of a feudal lord. In it, a wife of a ninja lusts after a Tanuki(for reasons which are not clear), but, dissapointed by his relatively small genitalia, rubs Ninja Dust on his testicles in an attempt to increase his sexual potency. Although this kind of "origin story" for traits of animals(in this case, large testicles) is common in mythology, the story is inconsistent with the more common story for the Tanuki, involving a buildup of semen from a prolonged period of sexual frustration. Radioactive dating confirms the age of the recording, but it is thought that the story may have been satirical, and not representative of common views about the properties of ninja dust.

Accounts of Ninja Dust became much more widespread during the 1400's, possibly due to the frequent ninja use of emperor Nintendo. The most common effects attributed to Ninja Dust include the ability the move silently and throw projectiles with greater accuracy, improved fighting ability, dry mouth, nausea, and vivid hallucinations. Isolated accounts also claim effects like the ability to create multiple copies of oneself, walk on water, turn sake into urine, and grow a ninja outfit spontaneously from the skin. It is not clear whether the recorders of these documents considered the possibility that these mor supernatural claims were simply the result of the aforementioned hallucinations.

The method used to produce ninja dust is largely kept secret, but ingredients to be included are sometimes mentioned in various writings. These usually include various herbs, bones, blood(sometimes menstrual), and several human glands, possibly including lymph nodes or human glands. The process used to create Ninja Dust seems to be quite complicated, and requires both fire, and a substantial amount of time.

The American population was introduced to the concept through the movie Pirate Ninjas of the West Indies(1959)''. Ninjologists blame the film for many of the misconceptions about Ninja-Dust held by the American public. Perhaps the most widespread of these is simply the assumption that Ninja Dust is actually a powder. Although there may have been a powder form of the substance, it was usually a viscous fluid or gel. The name Ninja Dust is the result of a series of transliterations of a phrase "idon'tspeakjapaneseandi'mmakingthiswholethingupsofuckit", meaning "Semen of the Gods".