Ninja Skills

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The Ninja are totally sweet warriors of unmitigated power, capable of wiping out entire continents with a single Jedi-Like wave of their hands. Through years of painstaking effort, the following list has been compiled of potent Ninja Skills. Compiling this list was not easy. Bribes were made, babies sacrificed, and sexual favors performed for fat chicks. The results however, are incontrovertible, and should not be dismissed.

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==Ninja Skills of Note==


Also referred to Ninja-Fu, or Ninjitsu, and occasionally called getting your ass stomped by a fucking Ninja. The basic martial art-form taught to all young ninjae, Assbeatery means that you will fucking lose. You don't stand a chance. Assbeatery includes wickedly awesome ski-ball ability; such that you literally cannot fucking comprehend, and is the gateway to all the following skills. Baby and Kid ninjas have usually not mastered Assbeatery, and you might stand a chance against them.


(translated from Ninja Code ) Reach out and touch someone. The Ninjae who learn Domo-Kai-Do employ their Ninja Skills at a distance. A punch can be felt from a few feet away at first, and as a Ninja masters this art, eventually a normal punch, kick, or stab wound can be delivered from miles away. The Plunging Fist of Death becomes visciously deadly with this art.


Whilst attempting to travel via nautical means, the Ninjae have mastered the art of channelling a portion of their incomprehensible awesomness into a beam of raw kinetic energy, propelling any boat, raft, ship, Trireme, Cog, or Boogie Board at extreme speeds, which is totally sweet. In order to sucessfully perform the Boatdooken, a Ninja must master the casting of devastating 9th level spells.

Noburo Shao Ichi[edit]

(translated from Ninja Code ) Holy Shit, Look at that! The Ninjae are warriors of shadows and darkness. The night is their playground, they slip in and out of pure shade, moving without sound or notice, and really fuck some shit up. Noburo Shao Ichi is the art of dissappearing. Skilled Ninjae with Noburo Shao Ichi are impossible to see, everytime you look at them, they are not fucking there. They are like not-able-to-be-seen.

Noburo Shao Ukee[edit]

(Translated from Ninja Code) I can see you, bitch The Ninjae using Noburo Shao Ukee can see any ninja using Noburo Shao Ichi. If you try to sneak up on a ninja, they will see you too, and unleash a finishing move of their choice, and Yokazuna Ho-ryu-san tends to be a fave choice.

Shinji Ikari Domokun[edit]

(translated from Ninja Code) That crazy shit with the Swords: The Ninja in question pulls out his or her totally sweet Ninja-sword, and slices you all to shit. If the Ninja so desires, this move can be performed in either Super Slo Mo or Really fucking Fast-motion. The move is often modified based off of a Ninja's experience. All ninjae of 4th level or higher will be able to use two swords, 6th level ninjae often use 3, 8th level ninjae frequently use four ninja swords, and beyond 12th level, they just throw whole entire ninjas at you, and then you are so fucked.

Takahashi Sokokai[edit]

(translated from Ninja Code) Jumping up off the ground and kicking your face clean off of your head and straight into the Sun: This is relatively plain, as far as ninja moves go. The move also describes, with profound accuracy, exactly what to expect upon successful execution of the move.

===Yari-Yari-Yobe-Sari=== (translated from Ninja Code) I am throwing Sharpened Metal at your caucasian ass, beg for mercy Gaijin. The Ninja Star is famous and deadly. Skilled Ninjae can throw this weapon a minimum or 20 feet, usually by the age of 6. At the age of 12, most can achieve distances of a good 800 feet, and Late-Teen Ninjas can usually hit you from a mile away. By the time they turn 27, Mars is the only object used in target practice... and they never miss.

===Yokazuna Ho-ryu-san=== (translated from Ninja Code) Plunging Fist of Death: The most famous of Ninja Moves, the Ninja plunges his hand into your chest, neatly removing your heart for a detailed inspection, places it into one of those paper-box chinese soup thingies, and hands it to you before you die. Culinary Ninjae may also serve sushi or Spring vegetable rolls with the meal, and frequently offer a glass of saki to go with.

Ninja Skills of Ill-Repute[edit]

  • Ikari Bo (translated from Ninja Code) Me love you long time Female Ninjae are a truly force to be reckoned with. All female Ninjae can use a variant of Noburo Shao Ichi to make themselves look 50 times hotter than a porn star chick. Ikari Bo is the Ninja Art of Lovemaking. A female ninja, performing fellatio upon you can make you orgasm with such ferocity that your neck will literally fucking explode in a preposterously overwhelming flood of seminal discharge blowing your head halfway through the ionosphere. If you ever get the offer to recieve Ikari Bo, take it because that shit is totally worth it, yo.