Nintendo DS Lite

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Nintendo DS Lite.
Nintendo DS Lite
Conservation status: Domesticated
Moneys!

Money Printer DS Lite (dee essus litus)
Scientific classification
Kingdom: Videogamus
Phylum: sevengeneratius
Class: Nintendae
Order: Handheldus
Family: doublescreenis
Genus: moneys
Species: Portae Dualis
Subspecies: Unknown
portabinis, 2006 A.D.
Habitat
  • March 2, 2006 (Japan)
  • June 1, 2006 (Australia, woo!)
  • June 11, 2006 (Canada?)
  • June 11, 2006 (United States, woo!)
  • June 23, 2006 (Europe)
  • June 29, 2006 (China, woo!)

The Nintendo DS Lite is the new animal in the DS family released by Nintendo. It is currently domesticated and available almost around the world for a price near $129.99 US dollars.

Characteristics[edit]

This DS is broken.

Physical features[edit]

Users[edit]

People who would use this device are often fanboys in denial. These people worship Nintendo and would kiss the DS Lite. The DS Lite is 1000 times more effective than a Flash Lite.

Double Screen[edit]

The double screens can help the Lite in both seeing and hunting prey. And now with the new brighter screen, that plump, dark-skinned, beauty of a meal is going down. These new animals are also better prepared in case of an emergency due to these screens. For example, if they are buried in an avalanche, they can open and close their screens to create friction and get out. This is one of the many situations they can conquer.

Size[edit]

One notable difference between the DS and the Lite, is that the Lite is much smaller than the orginal, something that helped it gain fame. According to users, the DS was 'big and clunky' and 'when put in your pocket, people can mistake it'. Some how, the Japanese find small things cute, so of course, the Lites sold like Hotcakes, each of them finding a home. The new small sleeker design is also fun'. Hey, who doesn't like a little variety, eh? And besides, the original DS was starting to get a little too fat.

Behavior[edit]

It also has notable chracteristics that differ from the DS, such as porn addiction. With the upcoming Opera browser for the DS, you might just get spyware 30-40 times a day. DS Lites also tend to pee on the carpet, just like most pets. This is normal. Just like the DS it can also engage in military warfare against any nearby PSP's, so it is not recommended that you leave one near a PSP. During mating season, it is recommended that you let the Lite go for the time being. If its sexual temptations are not satisfied, the Lite can go crazy on your furniture.

Intelligence[edit]

Lites have been known to posses the intelligence equal to that of a dolphin. Scientists have begun to ponder the idea that the Lites might conquer the human race. Nintendo is currently installing self-destruct devices on all future Lites in case a cataclysm like that ever occurs. So far, all the Lites can do is solve Algebra II problems while overcoming their echolocation problems.

Natural Predators[edit]

The DS Lite is part of a global gang called the DS Families. Their enemies are the Playstation Portables and they usually attack each other on sight. PSP and DSF members have known to live in one jungle, thus fueling the conflict even further. Although some pairs have managed to overcome the temptation of killing each other, the struggle still continues, bringing the world down with it.

Types of DS Lites[edit]

To the disappointment of many fans, the Cake colored DS was not released.

Colors[edit]

As with Nintendo tradition, different species are released to deliver to every kind of taste.

  • Albino White
  • Mold Blue
  • Old Navy
  • Blonde (Europe only)
  • Pink (Japan Only)
  • Blacky Black (Australia only)

Skins[edit]

Along with the different species, you can also buy new skins for you own DS Lite!

Features[edit]

  • Weight 218lb
  • If you haven't already guessed, it's smaller in size than the original.
  • Larger paws for easier grip
  • 4 different brighter Screens (WARNING: May cause blindness)
  • Available in 5 colors.
  • Three instincts pre-installed; eating, sleeping, and writing on Uncyclopedia.
  • Will link up with your Wii for private pleasure.
  • 2 USB2 slots
  • Battery Life is now longer for more hunting and mating.
  • Batsignal
  • ps3 controller

Controversy[edit]

"DS vs. Lite" Advertisment[edit]

The Controversial Ad

Prior to the Lite release in Europe, Nintendo thought it would be a good idea to compare both the original DS and the Lite on a billboard. Being well known for being innovative and creative, Nintendo created the ad shown to the left as a attempt to show the public that the Lite is surerior. Everything did not go as planned, and the ad sparked an uproar in overweight people everywhere. One group rose up in protest from their chairs against the ad. Mr. Peter Griffin, president of the National Asscociation of Fat People (NAFT) was interviewed while protesting from his home.

'What they did was wrong, man. I demand an apology!' - Peter Griffin, president of the

This ad also fueled the fire that was the Sony fanboys attacks on Nintendo. The following is and interview we had with some people from the right and wrong side of the tracks.

Press: So, what do you think of the ad?

Nintyfan1337: They Should Just Get OVer It And Move On , LOL

SONYMYHOMIE: Shut @#$ @#$% up, NOOB, Nintendo messed up and they should rot >:( the ad is very offensive to the OBESE ppl making theyre selfesteem loewer.

craBhaterZ: nub 1t5 ju57 4n 4d an|) 1tz funniz!!!!

pSP4lIFE: ad is FACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Intelligent: I don't know about everyone here, but I don't think this ad is offensive at all. So what? It has a slim person grabbing one of the many chins (lol) of the fat person. So what? Fat people are in these situations all the time, and so are slim people.

Nintyfan1337: O.o

SONYMYHOMIE: Huh?

craBhaterZ: stfu no0b

pSP4lIFE: speak enligsh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Press: *asplodes*

Nintyfan1337: I'm waiting for nintendo 'tard D":

The conflict was never really settled, mostly because the protesters were too lazy to get up and actually do something. DS Lites are still currently being made.

See Also[edit]