No

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No.
“No”
~ Ceiling Cat on someone asking if it's a good idea to sell your soul to Basement Cat

Probably one of the most useful and popular words in the English language, no provides its user with a simple way to avoid doing things. In particular, the word gives you an easy get out clause from:

  1. Further explanation
  2. Tiresome diplomacy
  3. Washing up
  4. Requests
  5. Complaints
  6. Getting out of a chair
  7. Beggars
  8. Rapists
  9. Mooning
  10. Picking your nose while jumping on a moving train

How to use it[edit]

When using the word no, it is usually best to adopt a completely neutral tone of voice, utter it quickly and decisively, and then run. This avoids fights.

Please note that if used incorrectly, "no" may actually mean yes.

Don't prefix the word with Oh. Oh is a happy and innocent looking word and it is tempting to just put it in front of no, for a laugh. Doing this, however, generally presages disaster, such as the immanent falling of a piano on an innocent mouse or total financial ruin. Note that the word "piano" has a "no" in it, as does the word "note." Despite this, people continue to succumb, especially in Hollywood films. And then they get all surprised when their foot is bitten off by a giant lizard.

Of course, using "no" excessively can cause severe cancer of the toes. It's best to use is sparingly, or in utter emergencies.

By the way, make sure you don't confuse "no" with it's hostile sibling "on". "No" will be likely to get very angry and eventually will kill you and your *** family and friends because it is simply absurd to confuse "no" with "on"! Come no, man! Who'd do THAAAAT, eh?!! Oh, and it is time to go to sleep. Please turn the light no and sit no your bed while I fornicate with your stuffed animals, and do not tell me no, it just makes me hotter.

  • Say No Never Go commonly used in prostitution

As in "a-no" You weigh a not

In the early 11th century, 'no' was simply represented by a single character 's'. It was separated into today's 'n' and 'o' in the middle of 14th century

Spork.jpg This page was originally sporked from no one.


History aka: Saddest experience, you'll ever know[edit]

"Can I cross the street?" No, just no.
No.......uh.........”
~ Noah (you know, the guy with all the pets) on The word No

The word we use today is a truncated form of the ancient Mesopotamian: 'No way pal'. The Mesopotamians were a slow and thoughful race, but not very given to the idea of collective effort. They were eventually wiped out by the Romans after their village was surrounded. The Romans gave them 120 opportunities to surrender before destroying the village to save time.

On colonising Mesopotamia, the Romans quickly adopted the word and shortened it to 'Nah', believing that this would give their formal refusals an air of jaunty cheerfulness. The opposite happened, however, and the collapse of their empire swiftly followed, due to countless mutinies and refusals to obey orders out of sheer irritation.

Julius Caesar himself is said to have claimed the following about some other incident:

“In hoc incidentius, qui est turpissime in meus eyeus, Asterix mecum consensus habere, quod hic *** galliae non dulcisse est, no- *cough*. Ehoi, minime, in nullus modus!”
~ J.C., the real on Gallian ***

--Due to a perticular incident, I and my friend Asterix agree that Gallian *** tastes non good, no-*cough*. Oh non, in non way!-- (roughly translated by Microsoft Sam)

As you can see, Caesar must have had a really bad cough so he couldn't finish the sentence properly. Instead of saying "non" he obviously said "no"! JC came up with that statement at a time when No wasn't very popular yet. Every Roman preferred to use "non" to deny verbs or "minime" which means "the least". Ergo, they were really in the need for a strong, ballbusting word to express their true, deeply pessimistic feelings.

In 450 B.C., the Romans established the 12 Tables of Roman law. It was at these tables that young virgins were trained in the art of motherhood, to prepare them to raise a race of Roman soldiers. For hours upon hours each day, for six months, the virgins were instructed on the art of saying 'Nah', which, (as we all know) eventually evolved to 'No'.

Once they achieved an acceptable level of the 'Art of No' (or, years later, as the French would say, 'Les Arts des Non'), then the virgins were allowed to begin their next, more difficult practice - 'BAAcK-OZ u Sudzo'. This evolved through the centuries to the familiar, 'Because I said so...'

How to Say No without saying it[edit]

Noo! You monster!

Q: Can I borrow your makeup?

A: Sure! My coldsore is pretty much gone- does this spot look funny to you?

Q: Can you babysit my little sister?

A: Why not? And I really appreciate not holding that whole baby shaking thing against me.

Q: Can I borrow your Science book tonight? I was bludging and now I need the stuff off the board.

A: Yeah, that's fine. Don't worry about the green slodges- my brother got some snot on it.

Q: Can you please come over to my house tonight?

A: No...pe.

Q: Want to have sex with me?

A: Sure thing, you probably won't get my AIDS.

Q: Do i look pretty today?

A: Yeah, you remind me of my grandpa.

Q: Want to join the Republican party?

A: Sure, let me roll up my Soviet flags real quick.

Q: Did you vote for George Bush?

A: NEIN! NEIN! NEIN! TEN!

Q: Can I borrow your hat?

A: Sure! I can't wear anything on my head 'til the lice go away, anyways...

No in the mirror aka The Truth about the hatred No indulges[edit]

When No first realized how ugly its own reflection is, it started to hate the word On.

File:No in the mirror.PNG

No is the only word there is that neglects its own narcissism. Eventually, it led to the end that people began to use the word "No" in order to express denial. No lost its fashionable image. In the 70's it was even considered a sin to use the word no! Hippies rather preferred to say "Hmmm, I can't really say that I agree with you!" or "I'm afraid that I had something else in mind, actually the exact opposite!" instead of carelessly exclaiming "No.".


Robert Crumb's Underground Comics often consist of panels depicting nothing but a very lonely, abandoned "No" sitting in a corner. He purposely fueled the fire lingering in every single Hippy at the time.

“Oh ghawd! I'd llllove to witness the extinction of.. of... hmrrrrr... "No"! I can't see no No anymore, givez me goose bumps. That's why I moved to France in the first place! I remember my worst nightmare: I dreamed of one o' those *** chicks with them fat elephant feet and when I started to lick her toes a No came out of the blue!! I thought I shat my pants!”
~ Robert Crumb on his life with the word No

Questions which often elicit no for an answer[edit]

  1. yes?
  2. Am I straight?
  3. Are you straight?
  4. Did you kill the Pope?
  5. Did you not kill the Pope?
  6. Are you my father?
  7. Is he my father?
  8. Do I have a father?
  9. Did you hire this chicken suit?
  10. Did you eat my pizza?
  11. Are you better then uncyclopedia?
  12. Is this your pot?
  13. Did you bring a light?
  14. Does this dress make my *** look fat?
  15. Do you love me?
  16. Hi, would you mind if we took your soul for a little spin?
  17. If a woodchuck could chuck wood, would you chuck wood back at it?
  18. Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader
  19. Will the list be saved from an editor's wrath?
  20. Can i hve 2 guld plz?
  21. Are you a lil' bitch? --Do NOT Click This! 12:56, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

What the EFF?