A nocturnal emission, or "wet dream" is a happy little explosion that occurs when a man loves someone very, very much, when he is sound asleep. It is a natural and beautiful process, and nothing to be ashamed of, as some organized religions or parents of the prudish persuasion would have you believe. In its more spectacular instances, a wet dream can be a dazzling sensory circus of flashes and splashes culminating in a gooey flourish, followed by the pleasant aroma of chestnut blossoms. All of this, with none of the inconvenience of remaining conscious.
A nocturnal emission is not just refreshing, it is also a time saver. When considering the time and effort it takes a man to get the love juices flowing voluntarily, one would be hard pressed to dismiss its advantages. If masturbation is the daily grind, a wet dream is like a lazy weekend in Bermuda, stoned off of your ass on paint thinner. Alternatively, many satisfied dreamers describe it as “an occasional slumber party in your pants -- to which about 500 nekkid hotties are invited".
Contrasting with the typical methods of ejaculation, a wet dream is entirely hands-free, conserving the invaluable arm power you will need the next day, and preventing excessive wear and tear to your sensitive unit.
Academia and the nocturnal emission
Prominent viscous emission researcher, Prof. Josef. B. Tinglejolly, has been quoted in lavishly illustrated medical journals saying “Yes, I am on crack”, and more famously:
“You see with zee vet dream, your brain is stimulating zee spiffiniftirod cells in zee veevee drastically increasing zee dopamine flow to zee brain in mid-REM sleep, giving zee dreamer a most remarkable experience, and when you print this in the magazine make sure it trails off with ellipsis right there, alright? Make it look like I finished it off with some intelligent-type conclusion or something. Thanks.”
This Magic Moment
It’s a collage of those images you’ve packed away in your brain like a squirrel. Faces are blurry and change by the moment. You’re surrounded by 15 of the most beautiful women you’ve ever seen, and 31 of the nicest breasts. Was that your friend’s mom’s disembodied buttocks? No, it couldn’t be. You can’t move. Ugh. Now the breasts are rubbing up against you. And they are growing. And growing. And growing. Oh god, you’ve gotta pee. Pee so bad. Oh no. Oh no, actually you didn’t have to pee at all.
Upon waking to find your 100% organic crème-de-la-crème (or in cases of delayed discovery, “crust-de-la-crust”) the undergarments may simply be removed and given a brisk wash in the cold cycle.
There! Almost as good as new!
Some nights this could be a nuisance
So just go to sleep thinking about baseball.