Norma Jean (band)
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Norma Jean is a Country/Queercore band that started in extreme rural Georgia in late 1998. All members of the band claim to be Christian, but Jesus Christ himself has stated in the past that he wants nothing to do with any member of the band and he would rather go hunting with Satan and Dick Cheney rather than have each member as a follower of the religion that bears his name.
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[edit] History
In November 1998, original vocalist Josh "Scrotum" Scogin was returning from a nightly trip from the family outhouse when he stumbled upon a shiny metallic disc laying in the back yard at his feet. At first, he was confused and baffled by the object, thinking it was a UFO. He picked up the disc and quietly returned back to the house and hid the object under his bed so his seventeen siblings wouldn't try and claim the disc as their own personal toy. He went to sleep that night with thoughts of sexual encounters with Michael Jackson and dreams of being a sell-out (his fantasies would eventually manifest in the form of a name on one of Norma Jean's later albums).
Early the next morning, Scogin quietly left his family's two-room bungalow (yeah, it's what you think it was: a shack) and set out on foot for Atlanta, Georgia, intent on finding out what the object was.
When he reached the outskirts of Atlanta, he was greeted by a homeless teenager, playing a guitar fashioned out of a Kleenex box, plywood, and some rubber bands and piano wire, named Chris "Gay" Day. Scogin questioned Day on the unique instrument he yielded. Day responded, "Thus hur is mhuy guhtur." Day then told Scogin to pluck one of the strings crafted from piano wire, producing a sound. Scogin was intrigued by this instrument and invited the homeless boy along on his trip into downtown Atlanta. A very close friendship bloomed.
Upon reaching downtown Atlanta several hours later, Scogin and Day were approached by two other teenaged boys, these two from the poorer lower class in Georgia. One of them was carring a CD player. Scogin stopped the two kids, asked what the disc was, and one boy named Joshua "Can" Doolittle told the backwoods Scogin that it was a CD. Doolittle then explained to Scogin what a CD was. Doolittle inserted the music-embedded disc into his player, played it for Scogin, and told him that it was by mighty Hardcore band Botch. Scogin was frightened by the mighty sounds coming from the headphones, wondering if this was Satan's fabled rock music. He eventually became obsessed with the band, even to a point where he punched Doolittle in the gut, stole his CD player so he could listen to the beautiful and mighty tones, and ran back to his shack with Day following close by his side and Doolittle and his friend following after in pursuit.
[edit] What Shouldn't Have Been: The Band Forms (Curse This Goddamn Day)
When Doolittle and his friend, trashcan-beater virtuoso Daniel "Harley" Davison, caught up with Scogin and Day at the little hillbilly shack, Doolittle began savagely beating Scogin with a rock and raped him in the ass. This would be Scogin's first male encounter, which he didn't deny hating. He then proceeded to take back his CD player from Scogin, but then Day began to play some kind of witchcraft song on his redneck guitar, and Doolittle and his friend Davidson was plagued with interest. Davison found the nearest set of trashcans, began pounding on them like the Geico Caveman, and Doolittle began playing the one-sting bass tub. Scogin wanted in on the action, and began trying to impersonate godly Botch vocalist Dave Verellen and, in something of a fit of irony, botched those distinct vocals.
Scogin's father/uncle heard the noise the band was calling "music", ran outside with his shotgun, and threatened each of the boys with a healthy serving of death. The boys halted playing, and Scogin invited them into the woods behind the hillbilly shack, directly after inviting his banjo-playing step-brother, Scottie "Oh!" Henry, to come along with them. They continued playing their "unique" style of Country music and Hardcore in the woods until their first gig in Atlanta.
[edit] The First Gig
At the first gig, in small Atlanta club Muph Divers, people stayed away from the band, then calling their self Luti-Kriss due to their experiments in Rapcore music. However, rapper Ludacris had appeared there by chance, as he was friends with the club's owner, and threatened to sue the band for extreme copyright infringement. The band, terrified by Ludacris's big gangsta Glock, which was shown by the wet spots in the front of their Daisy Duke shorts, agreed. They then named their experiment "Norma Jean" after Scogin's ex-girlfriend, who also happened to be his sister.
The band played, faces covered in dirt because they were that goddamned poor, and the audience was outraged at just how much they botched Hardcore music.
[edit] Norma Jean Today
In 1999, they released their first album, the "BlowJob For A Cowboy + Norma Jean" split LP after being signed to Asshat Records, which was re-released as an EP in 2000, titled Buttsecks?. The band got the attention of the recording company owned by notorious mega-producer Paris Hilton, and it's subsequent labels Slutty Whore Records/Paris Hilton Records Inc. and put out a full-length release after signing called Throwing Up Cum, in 2001. In 2002 the band released Bless Michael Jackson And French Kiss A Child on Slutty Whore Records and in March of 2005 they released their second album, titled O' God! We Love Botch! The album, which served as the band's Botch tribute album, was also the album on which the band claimed to be Christian. Jesus Christ subsequently released statements through the media on his feelings about the band, saying, quote, "that band has contributed nothing positive to the music world, nothing positive to Christianity, and nothing positive to anything. I would much rather go on a quail hunting trip with Marylin Manson, Dick Cheney, and Satan himself, and get shot in the face several times in the process, before I would show any sort of love and compassion to each member in that band. They suck, plain and simple. Zao was a great Christian band, and I loved them. Norma Jean sucks in every way and I despise them."
Their original vocalist Josh "Scrotum" Scogin left the band shortly after the release of Bless Michael Jackson And French Kiss A Child finally dissatisfied with what the band was doing, stating that "everyone else in the band can't give a blowjob for a jukebox nickel," and original one-string bass tub player Joshua "Can" Doolittle also left the band around the same time as Scogin for the same reasons. After this multiple vocalists had been used at shows such as Hellfest, usually fucking previous fill-in vocalists in the ass on stage. Doolittle was replaced by Jake "Jerkin'-it To Charles" Schultz, homosexual mega-fan of Peanuts creator Charles Schultz in 2003. Scogin left the band, changed his name to Brandon Urie, and later went on to start notorious Dragcore band Panic! At The Disco; he was replaced by Chuck Norris for about a year and a half, during a stage where Norris thought he was homosexual for some reason. He was later replaced by Cory "Scene Kid" Brandon who can be heard on Norma Jean's second album O' God, We Love Botch! and their latest album Reindeer. The new album was recorded with producer Ross Perot, wife of mega-producer Paris Hilton.
[edit] Discography
 DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! |
- BlowJob For A Cowboy + Norma Jean Split LP/Buttsecks? EP (1999/2000)
- Throwing Up Cum (2001)
- Bless Michael Jackson and French Kiss a Child (2002)
- O' God! We Love Botch! (2005)
- Reindeer (2006)
[edit] Members
- Cory "Scene Kid" Brandan Putman - Some sad excuse for singing
- Chris "Gay" Day - Guh-tur
- Scottie "Oh!" Henry - Guh-tur
- Jake "Jerkin'-it To Charles" Schultz - One-stringed bass tub
- Daniel "Harley" Davison - Trashcans
[edit] Guests and Additional Members
- Matt "Putman As In Put It In Man!" Putman - Gay shouts on Reindeer.
- Steve "Hash" Brownies - Who cares what this guy did. If it was with Norma Jean, it was probably gay.
- There are other people, too. But they do things worse than listed above. We can't mention them here or else the ghost of Johnnie Walker will come and fuck us in the ass tonight.
[edit] Former members
- Josh "Scrotum" Scogin - Cookie Monster Impersonator
- Josh "Can" Doolittle - One-string bass tub
- Chuck Norris - Well, he did something with them. Or else I wouldn't have forced myself to list the man here.
- There's some other guy, too, but I couldn't give a tin shit to list him. And why should anyone care anyway?
[edit] See Also
| Parts of this article were originally sporked from Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Norma_Jean (band). |
