Norris Drabné
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Takes a good butcher's hook at this 'ere article! This article is as pen an' inkin' as a Richard the Third! Makes me Uncle Dick! I'm in a two an' eight over the lack ov Dicky Birds! I can't Adam an' Eve it! Please card 'n' credit it to make it butcher's Robin Hood again!
Take a good look at this article! It is stinking, like fecal matter! It makes me sick! I'm in a state of anguish over the small number of words! I cannot believe it! Please edit it to make it look good again!
Mr. Monopoly's Posh Translation Service
Norris Drabné (1957-1927) was a lawyer from Cambridge, Massachusetts, notable as the first[1] human in history to die 30 years before he was born. This is considered an extreme case of scientific hiccups, and one which is considered a very upsetting experience for the victim. Those who were familiar with Mr. Drabné weren't, as he was already long dead when he 'met' them. As you will read, this is very disorientating, and has left more than one scientist incurably baffled.
[edit] Biography
Despite already having being dead for 30 years, Drabné was born on July 2nd 1957. He went to Shady Hill School, staying there until he went to Harvard University, studying law. He graduated with a degree in Political Science when he was 26, almost completely unaware he was 56 years dead. He went on to become a lawyer, working for the High Court of Middlesex[2]. He had a good career, helping win many tough cases. When he was 55, he decided to retire, and moved to Kingston in Jamaica. He lived a quiet life there until he moved again to Spanish Town, where he died 110 years earlier.
[edit] C.C. Bafflement
The astonishing complicatedness of this whole kerfuffle has not only confused scientists, it has baffled them beyond repair. This has resulted in a new scientific mental disease, namely 'Chronic Compulsive Bafflement'. This disease's symptoms include sitting on a chair all day, shaking your head and muttering to yourself, crying out, 'But HOW... can it...' at random intervals before shaking your head and muttering again, screaming and attacking relatives if they try to help, shouting, 'Why don't you shuuuuut up??!!?', when there is no-one there and absolutely colossal, explosive anal diarrhea. There was no records of this disease before this incident, nor any outbreaks non-related to this. Scientists are advised, on diagnosis, to sit in a cave for 4 or 5 years throwing up and eating raw possum meat.[3]
[edit] Association with Time Travel
Mr. Drabné had no association with time travel, nor did it play any part in his claim to fame at all. I put it in that category purely because I mentioned it in this article. The fact that he died before he was born is absolutely incomprehensible, so do not try to dismiss it on this. If he did do this, the mathematical would go like this:
x = TTy = NDx * y(xy)D / 30x − Dy / D90% / xy = xvD / Santa = = AndrewLloydWebber?DxALW / ySC * * xTTyNDxALW = Badger?
Nearly as confusing as the actual problem in the first case.
[edit] The Super-Spectacular, Brilliantly Baffling and Exceeding Strange Case of a Certain Dr. Drabné, Who, Upon Arrival on Earth, Was Found to have Died Thirty Years in Advance
This was a 1979 film, made under the working title of 'Bloody Hell, what a Confusing Man'. It starred Edgar Buchanan, John Wayne, Jean Seberg and Zeppo Marx, directed by Jean Renoir.
Now, I'm not being funny here, but do you see a pattern?
- Edgar Buchanan, died of a stroke complicated by pneumonia, April 4 1979.
- John Wayne, died of stomach cancer, June 11 1979.
- Jean Seberg, commited suicide, August 30 1979.
- Zeppo Marx, died of lung cancer, November 30 1979
- Jean Renoir, died of heart failure, 12 February 1980
Let that be a warning to you all. Coincedence? I think not.
[edit] Fun Facts
- Adolf Hitler shot himself because he heard about this.
- Albert Einstein died of internal bleeding caused by the rupture of an aortic aneurysm because he tried to comprehend this.
- Isaac Newton died of a kidney stone on Monday, March 20th, 1727. The kidney stone was caused when he wondered about Drabné. This is notable, as Newton died exactly 200 years before Drabné. This fact adds insult to injury for most scientists recovering from Chronic Compulsive Bafflement, but then again, you never recover from C.C. Bafflement, so that fact sometimes causes C.C. Bafflement in some scientists, and causes more problems for the scientists recovering, who aren't.
- Stephen Hawking isn't dead yet. This is mainly because no one has told him about Norris Drabné.[4]
- Drabné's death was not caused by anything, as he did not live before he died. This is also a first in human history.
- None of the cases solved by Drabné were actually solved, as he died long before. This will ultimately cause the fate of humanity.
- No one knows how Marilyn Monroe died. I could make a rough guess.
- Wikipedia is crap. This is mainly why it does not have an article about Norris Drabné.
- Why did I know you would click on that, even though I just told you it didn't exist?[5]
- To be honest, no-one really cares about the death of a lawyer, no matter how confusing it is.
[edit] Notes
- ↑ And last.
- ↑ He worked for a man called Phillip Benson. When he heard that none of his cases were won, or even existed (as he didn't have a lawyer), he became a gibbering maniac. He died 2 and a half years later with his brain, untangled, flowing out his ears and his lungs dangling out of his eyes. Sod him.
- ↑ If you are upset due to this section of this article, possibly due to the diagnosis of Chronic Compulsive Bafflement in a friend or relative, sod you.
- ↑ If Mr. Hawking has died since the original editing of the article, sod him.
- ↑ If you didn't, sod you.
[edit] This Article is Not a Protest Against Abortion
Just wanted to get that cleared up.
