Northern Virginia

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An average-sized home in the Northern Virginia Suburbs. This particular home sold for $2.7 million; about $300,000 below market value

Northern Virginia is a country located in between the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States, and the country of Virginia. Northern Virginia is located just south of the capital of Africa. Northern Virginia is a unitary state composed of 24 provinces, and one autonomous republic. The Government of Northern Virginia is considered a republic under a semi-presidential system with separate legislative, executive, and judicial branches. Alexandria is currentlly the largest city within the country of Northern Virginia.

 kill them yankees

It is also known for its conservative population (but considered communist in comparison to the rest of Virginia). There are many Jews, but they only work six-sevenths of the time and most of them belong to the Megalonychidae family. During the Asian Invasion, Northern Virginia was infested with 'em, resulting in a wide variety of ethnic restaurants that all serve Pho. One popular restaurant for being a Pho Phuk Lai. A sizable portion of blacks live in the urban areas, but rarely make it to the NBA and are forced to move to New York upon reaching 21.

It is home to many evil people including Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter, William McKinley, international ballet sensation David Robinson, and Marilyn Manson. It is also home to Dulles Intergalactic Airport, featured in Star Trek Episode #17.

[edit] History

In the beginning, there was beautiful trees, a wonderful landscape, with gorgeous scenery. And then for some strange reason they built Northern Virginia.

During the great Human migration of 1995, many Salvadorian, Honduran, and Laotians were smuggled into the country illegally. During this particular period of time many high class suburban homes were built to accommodate up to a total of 30 family members per household. Word had spread far south, and many immigrants from many Latin countries had chosen Northern Virginia as the new-land, in which Kmart’s and Wal-Mart’s were endless. A city was even built in honor of the Hispanic community, known today as Manassas city, located in Prince William County.

[edit] Demographics (copy+pasted from the 2008 Census)

• 50% El-Salvadorian
• 20% Caucasian
• 8% Honduran
• 9% Laotian
• 8% Korean
• 5% African American

There were 700,000,000 households out of which 99.1% had children under the age of 18 living with them, -50% of the population is living below the poverty line, 85% of the population could not speak English, and 87% of Northern Virginia doesn’t know how to drive a vehicle.

[edit] NoVA Speak

• ABC Store: Conveniently placed liquor stores that will forever be closed on Sundays until 2030.
• No traffic: Indicating that you spent less than four hours to drive 10 miles
• Wegman's: A popular grocery store all the pseudo-rich go to to look special...and pay $5 for a roll of TP.
• Inside the Beltway: The area all Northern Virginians over 25 must be in after 9:00 a.m., or face a fine.
• Defensive Driving: Throwing a cup of coffee at another car to prevent them from getting in your lane.*
• Networking: Fancy word for 'pretend to be your friend', pretend to care about you, and drop you like a rock once you help me get in good with your boss and make approximately $40,000/yr. more than you to do less.
• NOVA"": The local community college, the envy of Montgomery College. The N stands for nowledge
• Home Depot: Very popular government-run store that all Northern Virginians must go to at least two Saturdays per month. During each visit, they must spend at least $1,250 on a "home improvement" item that will stay unused in their...
• Garage: Originally designed as an obnoxious bedroom for the cars, now a large storage space for the children's toys, the husband's college beer pong trophies, and the wife's clothes that she can't fit into any more because she's a lard ass.

[edit] Transportation

Unlike other Southern states, women are allowed to drive, vote, and gather in public (in other parts of Virginia, women are denied by the government). Of all the accidents in one city in NoVA, half of those involved were women; most of whom were busy chatting on their cell phone, while applying makeup, and brushing their hair in their SUV rather than driving. The other half is the result of a Maryland driver. The Latter half tend to be fatal. NoVA is known for its metro system, but it smells of vagrants who take it to avoid the foul air in D.C. Rush hour is longer than it literally seems. Local lawmakers fixed the problem by raising it to rush hour and a half, thereby making traffic predictions more accurate.

Some people take the Virginia Rock 'n Roll Xpress from the far ends of Northern Virginia, where there are no known roads. The three people who live in this area claim to live so far away because of "housing prices", but most of them are actually hermits from Montana and have to live at least 3 miles away from another person.

[edit] Economy

It is the richest one of the Virginias tenfold. While one can get a large farm, six negro slaves, and a team of horses in Southern Virginia for about $200, a small McMansion in Northern Virginia costs around $6 million. It is also the smartest of the Virginias, primarily because of the large influx of Asian kids. The two richest counties in the nation, Loudoun and Fairfax, make their home in NoVA, but do not count because they have a terribly low mansions-to-Asians-ratio.

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[edit] Law and government

Almost all weapons are fully legal within the country, with the exception being Grenades. Even so such a weapon is obtainable with a concealed carry license.

Weapon stockpile, such a collection is typically owned by many Northern Virginian residents.

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For most of the country with the exception of Alexandria or Falls Church, homosexuality is considered a capital crime punishable by severing of the offenders head.

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The drug laws within the country are quite strict, even thinking about a drug is a class 1 Misdemeanor punishable by up to 6 months incarceration. In Northern Virginia it is illegal to say specific drug names, which are punishable to the highest extent (severing of penis, possibly death).

It is against the law to say the following drugs out loud.

• Marijuana
• Cocaine
• Heroin
• Ecstasy
• Psilocybin
• Mescaline
• Peyote
• Lysergic Acid Diethylamide

Up until a couple of years ago Salvia Divinorum was fully legal to think about or speak, as of 2008 Salvia has been scheduled as a Bad drug and is punishable by death.

[edit] Law Enforcement

The Loudoun Police Department and the Fairfax Police Department have been caught upon several occasions, abusing the handicap. In return Northern Virginia has the absolute highest of amount of hate crimes committed against the handicap. The Prime Minister of Northern Virginia has spoken about this rising problem, and I quote the ministers words “Northern Virginia will be much better with the FEMA camps that will be built in late August (2010), it will serve as a much better home for the handicap”.

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[edit] Tourism

In a recent Washington Post survey, 83% of tourists visiting NoVA said they would "rather punch themselves in the crotch continuously for an entire day" than make a return trip to the region.

Refering to Northern Virginia as 'NoVA' will likely get you shot, fined, or lynched, as many Northern Virginians detest that term. Many Marylanders have mysteriously disappeared as a result.

[edit] Sub-regions

• Arlington & Alexandria: The government's overflow chamber from D.C., home of the Pentagon. North and south sections of this area are at vicious war, but are awfully hard to tell apart- it's all basically D.C. This is also home to most single Yuppies who can survive living in a filing cabinet rented to them at $2000/month. Holds the Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology, capital of the Asian community.
• Fairfax & Loudoun: Notorious for their country clubs and lousy women drivers who use a cell phone when driving, but never get caught due to their access to money and ability to cry on cue.
• South and West: Nobody lives here. And even if they did, somebody would dump tons of waste over them and built a golf course over it. Like anyone there would even play golf.
• Fairfax City: Not culturally part of NoVA. A massive federal project is underway to place the entire thing on wheels and move it up to Baltimore.
• McLean: One of the most boring places to live. It is insanely expensive to live there- $2 million will only buy you a broomcloset. There is a constant battle between McLean and Great Falls to see who can have the most arrogant population. Currently, Great Falls is winning.

[edit] Education

A graduate of Northern Virginia community college, in NOVA there is only the best http://dfw01.umicache.com/p/purevolume.com/big/-226-1111954595-ugly_man.jpg

A long time teacher from the Northern Virginia Community College

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