Nostalgia Critic

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

“You fucking bitch!”

~ Nostaliga Critic on Mary Poppins.

“OF COURSE!!!!!”

~ M.Bison on being asked if the Nostalgia critic is gay.

“Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to!”

~ Nostalgia Critic on his catchphrase.

“Hey guys! I just watched the Nostalgia Critic's review of NickToons! Here is the way to defeat him for the AVGN. Flood his videos comment sections telling him that he's Doug Funnie. He will go INSANE!!”

~ An AVGN fan telling other fans how to gain victory.

“Horbifuckus!”

~ The Nostalgia Critic on this article.

“CRITIIIC!!.”

~ AVGN on Nostalgia Critic
The Nostalgia Critic's first time seeing the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The Nostalgia Critic is a reviewer of movies from the 80's and 90's. He also does top 11 lists such as "Top 11 Drug PSA's", "Top 11 Saddest Nostalgic Moments", and "Top 11 Scariest Nostalgic Moments". He decided to do Top 11 lists because he was on drugs and, in his words, Rick James was the coolest thing since awesomeness.

Before the Internet[edit]

Doug "The Nostalgia Critic" Walker was originally a cartoon, getting a break when he was in 6th grade. The tv show he starred in was called "Doug". He worked with people who had abnormal skin diseases.

After Doug totally bombed it, he couldn't find a job. He became a hobo and was met by a dude with a camera and later starred in Bumfights. He got $20 and a gift card. He then sacked the guy, took his camera, and started recording himself on what he thinks about the current movies in theaters.

Doug Meets the Internet[edit]

One day he got very mad and smashed the camera into his face. He then needed glasses. When he left the optometrist after stealing the glasses, he was met by a pompous rich guy. The man took Doug in and gave him a luxurious life. He was impressed with the Bum Reviews and gave Doug his own website.

Doug, now known as "That Guy With The Glasses", started a series on his site called "Ask That Guy". Doug would answer questions for idiots. Years later, Doug got bored with "That Guy" and murdered the rich man. He then became very moody and started hating everything, even to the extent of wearing dark clothes and hat, and a red tie... Hamster jelly....

Doug started a new series called "The Nostalgia Critic". He ranted on and made fun of movies from the 80's and 90's that were bad. Movies such as Surf Ninjas, Jingle All the Way, and Street Fighter were verbally destroyed by the Critic.

Success With Website and AVGN Controversy[edit]

Doug when he was a raging hobo.

Over time, people started to enjoy the Nostalgia Critic. He was funny and entertaining. But success comes with haters. People from the Angry Video Game Nerd's army flamed and spammed up Doug's website. Doug responded by telling the Nerd to keep his fans under control. The Nerd responded with one line, and it was good enough for me. "I'm the fucking nerd." But the Nerd also said how on the forums he considered himself a fan of the Critic. The Critic responded by screaming at the Nerd and saying how there had to be a hidden message. He uncovered it in a cheap knockoff of Da Vinci Code.

The message was "LICK MY SHIT NOSTALGIA CRITIC". The Nerd AGAIN responded. He said that the message was close but the real message was, "LICK MY BALLS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT NOSTALGIA CRITIC."

During an Angry Nerd autograph signing at some video game convention the Critic barged in. The Nerd was with some a-hole named "Captain S". Yeah, I don't know who he is either. They all had a slow-motion fight and after a few minutes, they stopped. The Nerd challenged the Critic to review a shitty game, and The Critic challenged the Nerd to review a shitty movie. They did and it ended up in tears. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIGHT! They FINALLY had a fight to the death, in which AVGN kicked his ass till diahrrea came out of his ears,and the AVGN busted out the Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. Version 4.0 Beta and blasted the high holy hell out of the Critic. He remained alive and decided to be a bum again, stating that fight really sucked in a Bum Review.