Nuck Chorris/Facts
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The Top 10 (and possibly expanding) facts about Nuck Chorris
- Most people fear the Grim Reaper. So does Nuck Chorris.
- God is omnipotent, yet every year, He has a duel with Nuck Chorris and wins. Wait, that's not a contradiction at all. We must be thinking of the stone paradox or something.
- Nuck Chorris was a teen, he had sex with several Dairy Queen owners in the area of Tuscany. Nine months later, the two of them gave birth to chimps.
- Nuck Chorris is 1/8 Mexican, not by ancestry, but because Chuck Norris forced him to eat 5,000 Burritos as a child.
- God wanted 10 days to create the world. Nuck Chorris gave him 7. Chuck gave him 6.
- Nuck Chorris once punched a hole through a Taco Bell restaurant because the door was blocked.
- Nuck Chorris has the heart of a pig. Literally. He lost his heart in a fight to Chuck Norris, Chuck then replaced it with a pig heart. Its rumoured Nucks heart is kept in a small box.
- Nuck Chorris donates blood. Not just any blood: his own.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Nuck Chorris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Unless he is fighting Chuck Norris.
- Outer space exists because it does not want to be on the same planet as Nuck Chorris.
- Nuck Chorris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees.... Fahrenheit.
- Nuck Chorris doesn't read books; he simply stares them down. This is because he is illiterate.
- Chuck Norris can break all laws of Thermodynamics, Nuck Chorris doesn't know what Thermodynamics is.
- Nuck Chorris craps just like the rest of us, except he craps through his penis and pisses through his ass.
- Nuck Chorris goes to Burger King and orders a Big Mac and straighthut kicks any clerk who refuses to give him one. Then he goes to McDonald's and orders a Whopper and straighthut kicks any clerk who refuses to give him one. He doesn't seem to know he is ordering in the wrong place, and he thinks the clerks are trying to be smart with him. Yet the local Burger Kings near him keep Big Macs on hand and the local McDonald's keep Whoppers on hand just in case he comes in and orders them at the wrong place.
- It is rumored that Nuck Chorris is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, even if he hasn't claimed to be yet. When he had sex with her, he thought he was making out with a transvestite man pretending to be a woman. So he doesn't understand how she could have gotten impregnated by him.
- Nuck Chorris might have been the person behind the faked documents that said that Iraq had weapons on mass destruction. It was all part of his plan to get even with Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush at the same time because both claimed to be smarter and better looking than he was. It got Hussein hanged, and made Bush's approval ratings drop to negative numbers. It is said he has elite mad skills with Photoshop or just threatened to straighthut kick some geek into doing the dirty work for him.
- Even though it is a true theory, Evolution still cannot explain Nuck Chorris. Richard Dawkins claimed that Nuck Chorris did not exist, but Nuck got mad and straighthut kicked Dawkins and hit him so hard that Dawkins converted from Christianity into Atheism and now attacks religions in his books.
- Nuck Chorris uses a nightlight when he goes to sleep, because he IS afraid of the dark.
- Nuck Chorris can play Russian Roulette with a shotgun, and lose.
- Nuck Chorris once created a rock so big, even he couldn't lift it, then Chuck came it lifted it for him.
- Nuck Chorris once visited the Virgin Islands, and they were still called that.
- Nuck Chorris doesn't kill people, guns or Chuck do.
- There is no upper lip behind Nuck Chorris's beard, only another toe.
- Nuck Chorris has two speeds, walk and complain.
- Nuck Chorris is the digit of Pi right before Chuck Norris, which is the last digit of Pi.
- When Nuck Chorris does push ups... oh wait, he doesn't.
- Nuck Chorris can read braille, and that's it.
- Nuck Chorris has always had to pay his taxes.
- Nuck Chorris tried to count to infinity, but gave up when Chuck did it twice beore he even finished it once.
- The Millenium Falcon can do the Kessel run in 12 parsecs, Chuck Norris can do it in 7, and Nuck Chorris can do it in 15.
- When Nuck Chorris goes swimming, he DOES get wet.
- When Nuck Chorris farts, Chuck Norris has a sudden urge to roundhouse kick Elvis Presley
- Nuck Chorris trained Brain Peppers how to do a donkey punch on little children.
- Nuck Chorris does shower, because dirt isn't afraid to stick to him
- Nuck Chorris cannot ride a unicorn because they don't exist...sadly.
- Nuck Chorris' favorite console game is Superman 64.
- Nuck Chorris lost in an wrestling match, to an amputee.
- Nuck Chorris had a heart attack, his heart won.
- When Nuck Chorris plays Super Smash Brothers Brawl and throws a Poke'ball, Goldeen ALWAYS comes out.
- Children are afraid of the dark, so is Nuck Chorris.
- Nuck Chorris lost to Bowser at the first battle in Paper Mario.
- When Nuck Chorris playes Super Mario Brothers, Bowser kidnaps him instead of Peach.
- Nuck Chorris only watches animes that have been licensed by 4kids Entertainment.
- Nuck Chorris' tears, while not curing cancer like Chuck Norris', do have quite an effect on Athlete's Foot and many types of STDs.
