Nutmeg

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A typical man hopped up on seeds of unground nutmeg.

Nutmeg (25. Dec 1613 - 25. Dec 1492 B.C.E) was the name of a divine French rock star who lived most of his post-career life as a recluse on the France-Luxembourg border. His music was bland and unoriginal, and the only thing that drew viewers to his awful concerts was the queerish fact that he was roughly the size of the cube that would be generated if everyone in Houston was crushed into one. His freakish bulk was the sole reason that he was divine, he crossed the border of human-sized into godhood. Sadly, instead of dying from a massive sextuple bypass as was God's will, the heart attacks merely threw him into an everlasting coma. For no reason in particular, the French government decided to crush him into a bunch of foul-tasting nuts and sell pieces of him in the tropical rainforests for low prices. Because of his drug habits, these nuts possessed a strong psychedelic effect identical to the Single Malt Whisky nuts that Lord Byron had famously brewed, and quickly spread all over the black market, sharing the name of the now-dead rocker.

Taking Nutmeg[edit]

Nutmeg is often ground into a fine, black powder, then sprinkled directly onto the eyeballs for its profound effect of giving the user the illusion of having the power of telekinesis, or is inhaled through a process called Squidding, wherein the nutmeg is added to the fuel tank of an automobile the exhaust of which is then inhaled directly. Some have been known to take nutmeg in its whole constituted nut form. Most are never heard from again, and those who live only speak in guttural scraping noises and have an alarming tendency to make oversized sculptures of the vaginas of their close relatives. Users of Nutmeg have long been known for their extreme sanity and resilient bowels.

History[edit]

A user in the first 'gush' of a Nutmeg high

Nutmeg was among Lord Byron's better known inventions, though it was not named nutmeg at the time, but Single Malt Whisky. The idea came to Byron one evening after snorting a glass of sherry and drinking a line of delicious methamphetamine. The first nutmeg was created by boiling down the chewing gum of ten thousand specially trained raverdolphins in a large vat to form the round brown nuts of glory. Byron's creation was an instant hit and soon became widely used in the burgeoning cosmetics industry, which operated underground at the time due to restrictions imposed by the Mattel Cartel.

Nutmeg was outlawed by the Bertolucci directive Beck in 1927 and ever since nutmeg users have been wasting their last days smoking cheap cigarettes in tiny Egyptian brothels. This is probably the reason why 1927 sucked so much for the Egyptians. Those poor, poor egyptians.