Nutrition

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Nutrition is the exacting science of determining what foods a human body (allegedly) needs, as opposed to what foods a human body actually wants.

[edit] Daily Nutritional Requirements

• 13 liters of purified tap water
• 0.2 liters of skim milk
• 2 thin slices of unleavened whole wheat bread
• 0.3 ounces of skinless chicken breast
• 1 stalk of celery
• 4 lettuce leaves

Results: Extreme starvation; uncontrollable urge to smite the nutritionist's ugly face.

[edit] What We Would End Up Eating Anyway

• 3 breakfast burritos
• 12 pork sausages swimming in hot grease
• 1 tall stack of pancakes drenched with melted butter & butter-flavored maple syrup
• 4 cups of triple mocha cappuccino
• 3 double bacon cheeseburgers with extra cheese
• 2 large orders of onion rings (extra greasy)
• 1 big gulp Cherry Coke^TM
• 1 large chocolate shake
• 2 family-size bags of barbecue potato chips with bacon-cheddar cheese dip
• 1 large pepperoni & bacon pizza with extra mozzarella
• 1 loaf of garlic bread dipped in butter-flavored lard
• 1/2 bucket of KFC^TM extra crispy
• 1 quart of Döúblé Chérrÿ Crémë dé Chöcølãté HâägénDáãzs^TM Súprëmé
• 1 six-pack of ice-cold beer
• 1 fluid ounce of water
• 1/2 glass of extra strength Alka-Seltzer^TM

Results: Happiness, contentment, and world peace.

[edit] See also

• Nutrition Facts
• Diet
• Food
• Arterial sclerosis
• Gillian McKeith