Baaaa. Baa. Ba-ba. Baaaa. Baaa. Baa. Baaaaaaaaa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaaaaaa. Baaaaa. Baa. Baaaaaaaaaa. Baaaaa. Baa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. BAAAAAAAAAAAAA. BAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!'
Politician - Baa baa non-racially-prejudiced-term sheep have you any wool?
Obedient citizen - Yes sir yes sir three bags full. One for the Country and one for the Queen and one for the guy who lives in Number 10.
It is a scientifically proven fact that most obedient citizens are sheep-shaggers. This is because they only marry other obedient citizens. No disobedient citizen is a sheep shagger in this way.
However not to be confused with the people of Wales and New Zealand, all of whom are genetically programmed sheep-shaggers. (We don't have prostitutes, we don't need them. We just go out into the fields). The citizens of Wales are historically very disobedient indeed. Some guy in Saxon Britain called Special Offer built a special dyke to keep them out. She still roams the border to this day.
How to control obedient citizens!
- Wear a rosette. This will convince them that you are a shepherd. This method has been tried and tested and proved to work better than wearing a dog collar or cowl.
- Use long words. Most obedient citizens do not know any words longer than 'marmalade'.
- Say that you are against whale hunting and for likkle fwuffy kittens (don't say that what you're for is huffing them).
- Do NOT, on any account, let them find out about your musical and sexual preferences. Shepherds are all asexual, tone-deaf robots (if you can do without sleep á la Thatcher it helps...)
- Demonise your fellow shepherds by telling the Daily Telegraph that they all have four manor houses and claim expenses for condoms. This will make the sheep (sorry, obedient citizens) like you because of course that nice boy in the suit wouldn't do that sort of thing, would he?
Obedient citizen watching is a well-established pastime. The most common means of doing this is reading the newspapers to see who they are all following today, although many sheep (sorry, obedient citizens) do this as well in order to appear 'in touch' and 'with it'. This means that they (and this includes the men) go out and buy the latest gear that the shepherds at the fashion newspaper say looks good on eighteen-year-old girls.
There is even a magazine, cunningly disguised as a farming mag. This alerts subscribers to the most probable trends coming tomorrow, so that they can all be in the right place at the right time. The subscribers do not appreciate the irony of this, because most of them are American.
True OCDs (Obedient Citizen Dorks) do not read magazines. They follow no trends, not even those among themselves. They do not even follow the trends that they themselves set.
Obedient citizens' bleating has occasional theraputic qualities. It reassures all those who consider themselves shepherds that indeed they will never be quite as stupid as the sheep.
Common topics of bleating are the state of today's lamb (sorry, youth), the nasty sheepdogs, the shepherds, the sheepiness of everyone else they meet, music, war, Gordon Brown, the sheep in the next field, celebrities...
Basically, if you want to know what obedient citizens bleat about, listen to yourself. That's right.