October 7: International ""
- 1512 - Cockfighting is invented by Goorg, a Turkish peasant in Asia Minor. Confusion reigns as roosters square off against genitalia.
- 1590 - Cockistan was created by Sejla. Accepted citizenship ever since. It is right next to Argentina. France destroys countless gypsy settlement camps near Paris. Due to the lack of any International Gypsy Protection Open Organisation, nobody cares.
- 1947 - Engrand is set up, a few years before spell check is invented.
- 1949 - Yet another Pinko Commie country spawns for a few brief years before being tossed back to Germany and laughed at.
- 1959 - Simon Cowell, English recording executive and television judge is born. The doctors who brought him into the world have since been subject to much hatred.
- 1960 - Kennedy & Nixon debate the Cold War and penis length in the second of four scheduled debates.
- 1970 - Richard Nixon announces he has a penis and launches a new five-point peace proposal to end the Vietnam War.
- 1980 - Ronald Reagan announces his plans to resolve the energy crisis and hostage situation in the Middle East by "whipping it out". Reagan wins the erection.
- 1997 - The song Detachable Penis becomes a solid gold, rock hard hit (for a few minutes).
- 2001 - U.S. invades Afghanistan with an air assault, to eradicate all small penises.
- 2003 - California governor Gray Davis loses his penis and is replaced by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- 2007 - Actor Daniel Radcliffe, concerning a penis-enhancement e-mail, sues "that guy who keeps offering to make my penis larger" for sexual harassment; "that guy", who turns out to be Jesus, claims to have been trying to work on his miracle-performing skills.