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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Om.

Om, the greatest God of all - not that there are any others, oh my no - as he specialises in not doing a lot and barely manifesting himself. His most recent manifestation was as a turtle, but unfortunatly due to a lack of followers he is currently living in a London zoo under the name of "Dave". In his spare time he enjoys sleeping, crawling, being omnipotent, and smiting the zookeepers he doesn't like.

In The Beginning[edit]

In the beginning, Om created the world and it was... crap... Later, Om went out, came back pissed, and sat on the world - making it flat. He left it and life grew.

The Great Mistake[edit]

Om realised that he was losing believers to some hot-shot known as 'God', so he manifested himself as a turtle - but because he had lost his followers he was stuck that way. So he contacted the chosen one, Brother Brutha, who was a paranoid follower of Omnianism. He was chosen to spread the word of Om. He worked his ass of converting people to Omnianism, but he was often mistaken for a Jehovah's Witness and attacked by several random people.

Brother Brutha's Demise[edit]

On one night, Om rallied his turtle companions, escaped the zoo, and killed Brutha because people didn't believe him. They kept his testicles as trophies. after that he had children with another turtle called Emily and is currently waiting for the next chosen one.