Open Office XML

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Open Office XML.

The Open Office XML is a file format that ensures that Microsoft will always have the monopolistic control of the office suite software market. This is now an Standard approved by ISO, it was the first standard that was approved fast since it involved a lot of money provided by Microsoft.

Voting to turn it into an ISO Standard[edit]

The quality of this standard is so high it didn't pass the first revision to turn into an ISO standard. On the second try the people voting didn't understand if the fixes made to the standard where worst that then first version of it.

There was a Ballot in Geneva to vote about the standard and the options to vote for the second version of the standard were:

  • Yes - I agreed with the changes (which were worst than the first version)
  • No - I prefer the first version (which had a lot of errors and problems)
  • Abstinence - I don't give a crap if this standard get approved or not

So for this reason some other countries invented a new vote:

  • I won't cast the Vote - Meaning, this process is full of crap and voting is useless since Microsoft had bought everybody in the ISO.

Microsoft Techniques To Approve OOXML as an ISO Standard[edit]

ISO has a new certification logo

Microsoft, as any other respected company in America, used a lot of respectful and legal techniques to ensure the positive vote for this standard. Their techniques was:

  • Buy votes by offering stuff to their business partners - Worked in Sweden
  • Hire people to make lobbing with the government that in the past used to had corruption charges - Almost worked in Ecuador
  • Buy votes from important customers and making them go to vote yes in a blind way - Worked in Japan
  • Direct phone call from Bill Gates to the White House - Worked in US.
  • Bring University students to support OOXML in exchange of beer.

Call from Bill Gates to George Bush[edit]

There had been a lot of rummors about this, but now we have the real transcript of the phone call from Microsoft's Bill Gates to former president George W. Bush.

  • Bill Gates: "Hey George, how is everything going"
  • George W. Bush: "Hi Bill, everything fine, just preparing some nukes to launch it over some country"
  • BG: "Excelent. George, I need to ask you a little favor"
  • GWB: "sure, tell me what do you need"
  • BG: "You know how much I had supported you secret campaign to destroy the world, right ?"
  • GWB: "Yes Bill, I know you commitment with that project. We both share this same goal"
  • BG: "Well, a little component for that plan is making my OOXML file format an ISO standard, I need your help..."
  • GWB: "OOXML... what ?? what is that for, is that a new weapon, why you didn't showed it to me"
  • BG: "Well, it is a weapon for mass destruction, but I need that someone in your goverment make a political move to approve it, there are some geeks that want to stop it".
  • GWB: "Damn geeks, I hate them"
  • BG : <unconfortable silence>
  • GWB: "No problem, I will approve that OOXM...thing, but you had to tell me how to blow up the world with that"
  • GB: "Thank George, don't worry you will see it at its time"
  • GWB "see you, Say hi to Melinda for me"

Why another ISO standards for Office Suite files?[edit]

There was already another standard approved for office suite files called Open Document Format (ODF). When the people at the technical discussion asked Microsoft why approve another standard that made the same thing, Microsoft people replied "Our standard is better, it has more pages". With that fine arguments and with all the money invested by Microsoft the standard got easily approved.


There was also worldwide opposition to stop ooXML being an standard. The opposition was compose by people that wasn't in the reach the Microsoft paycheck. So the oposition complained about some technical issued and Microsoft replied to all the question in a impecable way.

  • Question 1: The Spreadsheet does not use the Gregorian calendar. Why?
  • Microsoft Answer: Pope Gregory XIII was a dumb ass, who uses that calendar?, only the dumb asses.
  • Question 2: Your standard has 6000 pages compared to ODF which does the same and only has 400 pages.
  • Microsoft Answer: More pages, better standard, it's easy, or are you a dumb ass?
  • Question 3: OOXML has too many pages because it don't reuse any other standards, why do you want to reinvent the Wheel?
  • Microsoft Answer: The Wheel wasn't invented by Microsoft, that's why we need to re-invented (and patent it), if you don't use MS Wheel 1.0 you are a dumb ass.
  • Question 4: Why OOXML does not have the same XML standard for centering the text on word-processing, spreadsheet and presentations ?
  • Microsoft Answer: It is because our programmers are not dumb asses, they are cool people and they do not talk to each other to normalize the code.
  • Question 5: Why is this room stocked with your business partners, MS most value professionals, MS vampire lawyers and MS customers?
  • Microsoft Answer: Because they are not dumbasses.
  • Question 6: Why Microsoft is replying to all our questions, isn't this a ECMA submitted standard?
  • Microsoft Answer: We are so cool so we send a truck full of cash to ECMA to make it looks like a third party is submitting the standard for us, they are the dumbasses, we are the cool people.