Opera (web browser)
Opera's infamous mascot Big-O, always looking.
Opera has a brand new look in version 10.5x.
|Percentage Of Users:||-10%|
|OS:||Windows XP, Windows BC and Uncyclux.|
“Using Opera is like making love with an Elephant, it's so fuckin HUGE”
“Seriously, guys, what the hell?”
Opera is a proprietary interweb browser and a combatant in the 2nd browser war against Interweb Exploder, Firefox, Safari and others. Opera was released after the death of Netscape, Big-O realized how much Internet Explorer sucked and decided to take matters into his own hands. Opera is the de facto browser for pussy vikings, and wannabe Vikings who suffer from sea sickness. Linux and BSD users run Firefox instead since Opera is unfree.
Opera is currently the
fastest slowest internet browser available, leaving stupid firefox, and lame IE in dust, begging for some users to download it. Opera has been developed by Vikings who suffered from sea sickness, who wanted to get the most from surfing, and make everything easier. The source code was stolen by the smurfs and published later, for free use by the evil Gargamel. Opera is now being developed by some top secret agency, the "Carebears", and is still the fastest browser in the land of make-believe. A terrorist organization has hidden easter eggs throughout the source code, ironic considering these muslim radicals do not celebrate Easter. The hidden code is a television broadcast filter hueristic that turns any Presidential speech into dreck no one can comprehend. Though for a mysterious reason, it works on reverse for GWB turning them into coherent speeches. Although already implemented, no one has noticed any decernable change.
Opera is closed source which makes it hated by RMS, Linus Torvalds and the GNU people. KDE consider this to be evil as Opera doesn't conform to the GPL, and KDE's guidelines of adding annoying Ks in the name of every application, adding useless features like rotating logos and consuming all the resources it can find, actually on the last bit Opera succeeds very well especially when running multiple widgets. Opera is full of useless widgets.
Uncyclopedia kids you not! Opera was once for charge, and people actually payed for it!
Lead by Big-O the Opera team unleashed their creation unto the world, for $99.99 only you get to use a browser that isn't Internet Explorer. Do it now!
But because Microsoft is evil
and Opera sucked no one bothered with using it, and so it was left to whither and die.
To counter this Big-O suggested adding features to make people want to pay for Opera, and so came about the Widgets.
Unlike many web browsers, Opera has many widgets©, that help extend its
spying browsing capabilities. One of the most famous widget is the "I Do Nothing©" widget, which is guaranteed to use a small amount (100%) of resources, and do nothing.
List of Widgets
- Clock®© -- Never use your system clock again
- Functions 3D® -- DOM visualizer, modeled after the scene in Jurassic Park. See how Opera functions, in 3D!
- Vandal Attacker™ 2.0 -- Attack articles in two exciting stages, Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia.
- I Do Nothing© -- Waste system resources the stylish way, this implements a blue bouncing ball on your computer
- Back to the Firefox® -- Similar to Back to The Future, this widget opens the current page in the Firefox browser and closes its tab in Opera.
Unfortunately, doing so causes your computer to slow to a crawl and eventually crash due to the "Leak Memory" feature of Firefox.
- SuicideTool 3.0 -- A random tool pops out of the disk tray to help you commit suicide.
- OMedia Player -- Let's you play a file type no one uses!
- HeartMonitor 6.0 -- Lets you see if your heart is stopping
- Uncyclopoly -- Opens up an exciting game of Uncyclopoly
- OperaOrganizer -- Organize the stylish way! Allows you to manage when you're going to eat, also other useful things like figuring out when you're son will be out of Prison.
- PornOrganizer -- Tired of pr0n being scattered around your laptop's hard drive? This porn organizer organizes it into two categories, illegal and legal.===
OMG it's full of Ads
Once Opera Inc. realized charging people for browsers doesn't work, and widgets alone aren't enough of a reason They went and added ads to the browser itself! and gave it away. And you thought the ads in websites were disturbing! Oh, and they also added an IRC client!
This feature guarantees that you never have to move the mouse very far to connect to IRC. Instead of fumbling through menus, you can easily click an IRC link and the rest is done for you. You are automatically connected to irc.opera.net, but it is advised you do not stick around for too long. What? You're still there?
<opera-dev> lol i dont even use opera it sucks <opera-lover> OMFG
This is very convienent if you want to annoy admins, chat with your friends, and to stop someone from h4x0ring j00r laptop. The IRC feature is criticized, and it is recommended you don't have widgets open while talking on IRC.
Big-O has lead the Opera team to success every release, making sure there's always something to make the user moan.
The Rise Of Big-O
Big-O started off as an assembly line worker at the local Winnebago plant in Burma. While he enjoyed bringing pain to the millions of people who have to look at kids making ass-faces in the windows of a Winnebagos for five hours, he just couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to life. So, quitting his job at the Winnebago plant, he O'd through Burma until he could O no longer, and lo and behold, found himself waking up with the leading Opera dev and a cup of Maxwell House Coffee. For the next few years, things couldn't be better for Big-O. He had it all - Opera devs, Burma and Steve Ballmer. However, upon the release of 8.5, trouble started to brew. The devs had finally
realized been told that their user base consisted solely of camels and lawn fertilizer. So, with an attempt to regain popularity, Big-O got laid off, and two new child-oriented mascots were introduced - Brian Pepperridge Farm and Vince Vaughnage.
The Fall Of Big-O
After getting laid off, the child-loving mascot decided to return to the beloved Winnebago plant, where he knew he was loved. As Big-O was walking to the plant, a typical Winnebago owner barreled down the road with one hand on an Oh Henry! bar and the other up his ass, and hit Big-O, bang on his head. Big-O died just a few seconds later.
The original Norwegian version did not have tabs, only MDI, but nobody understood it. The NSA copied the dumbed down Tab® Browsing© ExperienceTM from Firefox and IE, and then got ridiculed by many Pro-IE activists, since their browser had it first. The IE Users instinctively set up many Websites Protesting Opera's Tabs and reminding people that IE had tabs first in 1874.
Tabs allow you to hide what you're doing effectively. Simply open pornography in one tab, then when your girlfriend comes to look what you're doing, switch it over to Uncyclopedia.
This feature is going to be removed from Opera 10.01, because Opera 10.01 is console based, and the developers were
too stupid didn't have enough time to finish the article.
Opera's email client does not have folders. Not only that, but Opera's lack thereof is even better than Gmail's lack thereof. This is despite the fact that Gmail claims to be more innovative. Instead, Opera has filters, which are the same thing as folders. A filter is a folder and a folder is a filter. Got it?
Opera's new version will have many new features, while getting rid of some old ones no one uses, like browsing the internet.
- Wikipedia Search
- Something else you don't care about
- Smileys in IRC
- Console Based
- More useless widgets
- More stupid dumbasses writing un-funny articles like this one
Phishing site designed to fool you (note that its logo is the wrong color)
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