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The osprey is the most sarcastic of all Mother Nature's flying lizards.

The osprey is cold-blooded, which means that it rarely spares a thought for others, leaves Coke cans in other flying lizard's nests and doesn't donate regularly to charity.

The osprey's native habitat is Yorkshire. It migrates 3,500 miles each Spring, by carefully traversing the Yorkshire border and taking great care not to stray into Lancashire, where it will be shot, canned and sold as mustard seed.

Ospreys reproduce using pornography.

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