Ottawa
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Ottawa, the nerve-center of Canada's socialist experiment, was recently awarded (for a record 63rd consecutive year) the "Friendliest City On Earth" trophy. Residents are proud as fuck over it, and vow to continue treating visitors and neighbors alike as though they were family. Also, there are absolutely no immigrants in Ottawa.
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[edit] History
Founded as the papal headquarters of GoC in the 1700’s and with Great Effort to Confuse our Neighbours to the South (and as well the general population of Canada and the World) the Nation's capital “Ottawa” (or, as it is known to our American Brothers “Toronto” ) was established, and then quickly hidden, in a remote isolated location. It remained hidden for several hundreds of years, being found only in the 1800’s when The Queen was taking a taxi on her way to oversee the development of child garden. Thus the re-discovery of Ottawa, and the location on the map today.
The City is located under a large glacier, leaving the city in a constant state of “Frozenness”. When not frozen, the city rests in a scenic setting Located near a river and forest, which inadvertently helps draw attention away from the shocking horror of the Dullness and lifelessness of the City.
[edit] Ottawa Natives and Population
The Ottawa native is unique in that they are most commonly known as the Dullest people on earth. Many a Documentary has been made on this unique species, but producers find the footage too Dull to Show and figure it would cause wide-spread Rioting in the civilized World.
The City is made up of two kinds of natives.
The First is the “Civil Servant”- Found Only in Ottawa, and most Commonly Seen Smoking a Cigarette and drinking Coffee while on strike outside before various buildings commonly seen in postcards. The Civil Servant tends to be slow, dull and lazy, as well as a general Nuisance to the Ottawa Environment (and the country as a whole).
The Second is the “Techie”. There is little seen footage of the techie, but from personal experience I know these folk are pale in appearance as they rarely leave their Dwellings. We speculate that these folk have never seen the Sun. Food is delivered direct to the dwellings to minimise exposure to the external World. These natives tend to live alone in large dwellings, and are consistently connected to the Internet, usually doing dull and mind-numbing tasks like editing Wikipedia. No mating habits have even been recorded to date.
The remainders of the locals are made up of Lost Tourists who mistakenly took a wrong turn, ending up in Ottawa, and Foreign Dignitaries sent to Ottawa for Punishment for crimes committed in their home country (or simply in the hopes that the inhospitable weather would swallow them alive).
There is only one occasion upon which the Ottawa native is not dull; during hockey season, cheering on the magnificently consistent Ottawa Senators ( when they beat the living daylights out of the Toronto Maple Leafs).
[edit] Popular Culture
The obscure city is further imortalized in the song Pump Up the Jam by Technotronic with the chorus lyrics "Ottawa. A Place to Stay. Get your booty on the floor tonight. Make my day."
The city's choir had a small hit across European dancefloors with 'D.I.S.C.O.', for which the former Canadian P.M. Maple-Leaf O'Timbits (1934 - 1997) developed and performed a special dance.
