“I am not connected with these animals in any way.”
The Beginning of the oxen
The Ox was first called into existence when a fur coat congealing in a gutter near York in England was struck by lightning. The Ox consists of several things, the main of which being a woolly coat (widely regarded as the main source of the Ox's powerful smell). The smell of the ox grows to epic proportions when they feel like mating, which happens every two to twenty-two weeks, and can dissolve steel and suffocate birds flying miles above. Another important part of the Ox is one of the front legs, usually the right (on occasions it has been known for it to be the back right leg). One of them has a retractable blade that it uses when robbing unsuspecting musicians for coupons to their grazing pastures.
An ox eats too much for its own good, and has been spotted gnawing on its tail several times in one hour by notable somethingologists. An ox eats, shits and leaves and happens to have a stomach capable of digesting things 100 times more deadly than acid... like Brussel Sprouts. Numerous reports have seen oxes eating on grasslands, savannas, forests and T.G.I. Fridays. A reliable waiter loudly pointed out to reporters that the oxen smell like a moldy sockflobbit and get drunk and angry when they drink too much. The waiter was oblivious to the fact that the oxen were sitting eight feet away when he said this, and he obviously lost his job when the manager found out.
most people are not aware that OXO cubes are actually made from dried ground oxen.
Mating Season for Oxen are among the worst times to exist as the smell reeks to High Heaven and subsequently ruins an otherwise normal spring for God. The reason oxen stink so awful was Mother Natures act of getting even on God for calling a banana peel into existence in her path while she was minding her own business littering. God found out about this, after all, he is God. So God punished Mother Nature with cleaning up the massive dungpiles left behind each time the regular cook forgets to put metamucil in the Oxens' drinks.
Oxen aren't too smart and they often forget to pay the tip when dining out and are frequently pulled over for traffic violations. They only drive lime-green Volkswagen beetles and are impossible to distinguish from each other because of poor self-image. For some reason they all have the same name, Montgomery, which they can spell and accurately pronounce. Being named Montgomery is a downside because oxen are very stingy and want to hear their full name Montgomery said, they don't respond too well being called Monty, especially when drunk. Another trouble with them is that they can't even spell their full name Montgomery, which is why they write Monty down on anything they sign. This animal has killed more living things worldwide than war, famine, and rabid flamingos.