Oxford English Dictionary

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The Oxford English Dictionary is a book written by Joseph H. Oxford, a mentally disturbed man. Its main use is in the education of psychiatrists or American presidents.


The book is written in the basic style of a dictionary, but it lacks some of the essential components found in modern examples of such books, like alphabetically ordered words and the confusing punctuation marks that you always avoid and never really understood.

It was written by Hand or John P. Hand, Joseph's personal assistant and only friend. Modern prints use direct copies the original handwriting (rather than a typed version) and a very good copy will also have the urine stench.

Content[edit]

The core of Oxford's writing was based on his emotions. As seen in various examples.

Anger:

Mother: A rather tenacious being who tends to fuck everything up by just opening that filthy fucking mouth of hers. She can defecate verbally.

Love:

Sarah: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'Sarah Please Fuck Me' right in there.

Happiness:

Rose: The world, the sky, the universe. A Rose. I could shit it all, I'm so happy.


Modern Usage[edit]

Although it's popular as a guideline for identifying certain psychological traits, it hasn't been successful for any other reason except for burning.

In 1998 an American printing company called 'Woodchopper' tried to break the Guiness World Record for "Largest Attempt To Fuck Up The Environment". They chopped down a number of unique ecosystems and used it to print over 160 million copies of Oxford's book. That's enough to give one to every person who would be infected with HIV that day in Africa. They then proceeded to burn every last one. Ultimately the record was kept by Keith Richards who smoked.