Ozzy Osbourne
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| Ozzy Osbourne | |
|---|---|
 Oh shit im in a cartoon
| |
| Background information | |
| Born | 3 December 1948, Aston, Birmingham, West Midlands, England |
| Genre(s) | Heavy metal |
| Occupation(s) | Musician, Singer-songwriter, Inciter of Mass Hysteria and Swooning |
| Instrument(s) | Vocals |
| Voice type(s) | Makes your pee-pee quiver |
| Years active | 1968–1992, 1995–present |
| Website | Ozzy.com |
“An intellectually sound, serene and tranquil individual, the sort of man I would be sure to respect. It is just unfortunate that those three qualities have been destroyed by alcohol, drug use and bat's blood.”
~ Immanuel Kant on Ozzy Osbourne
“Where's the fucking remote control. Dammit Sharon, I've stepped in dog shit again!”
~ Ozzy Osbourne on the above quote
John Michael (Ozzy) Osbourne (also known as "that mumbling vampire thing") is a Brummie from Birmingham who is believed to be made out of metal. He has a 'thing' for kangaroos.
Contents |
[edit] The Early Life and times of JM Osbourne
On December 3rd, 1948 , John Michael Osbourne was one of five children born with large teeth and hairy hands. Because they were poor, of course the family had no car. His father Jack worked part time popping in and out of a steel box; his mother Lillian assembled the electronic crank used so Jack could pop up periodically and surprise people.
Every day after his exhausting job Jack would go home, beat the crap out of wife, beat the crap out of his kids for their various transgressions (setting their sisters on fire, hanging themselves with clothesline just to see what it felt like), then he'd head off to the pub to get drunk. There, he'd laugh and throw darts, saving his best aim for those who got on his nerves or teased him about his round white head and yellow hat. Occasionally he took a young John Michael with him to the pub, leaving him to sit outside on the stair with a bottle of pop and a packet of crisps (according to a Solihull-ie we might call them chips). After all in those days it wasn't a crime to leave your kids sitting alone in the dark but it was illegal to take them around drinking.
Having realized he was able to sing at an early age (perhaps discovered while passing the long hours waiting for Da to get drunk and stumble outside), John Michael suddenly got the idea to found pop-rock trio "The Osmonds" (a pseudonym last name chosen just to throw us off) with two of his wacky brothers.
Unfortunately in 1962 tragedy struck for the band as young John's balls dropped and voice broke. Roughly around the same time, younger brother Donald "Donny" tried to steal the limelight from John, who subsequently bit Donny's head off.
Becoming a fugitive from the law Osmond was forced to edit his gamer tag on Xbox Live to cover his tracks. On that day the Ozzy Osbourne persona was born.
[edit] Pirates and Prison
In school (which he still had to attend even if he was Under Cover) Ozzy was considered somewhat of a rebel generally, a matter of great surprise to us all. Despite that tendency he participated in plays such as The Pirates of Penzance. He generally wore tights and flashy costumes, seemingly enjoying showing off deep dimples, a quick smile, long hair, and well-formed body. In these engagements we see Ozzy's earliest efforts to entertain and attract female attention to his ample nethers.
His first time in jail was for breaking and entering. Apparently Ozzy didn't like eating at Jack-in-the-Box - actually he was quite sick of it. So late one night after one of the plays, he broke into McDonalds and tried to steal a hamburger. An alarm went off and he panicked and locked himself in the walk-in freezer where he was later found nearly frozen and covered in icicles. Unable to tell the officer his name, he was sent to Birmingham's Winson Green Prison for three months to thaw out and for his disloyalty.
He did time there again later for assaulting a police officer - punching him in the face to be exact. When the story emerged it came to be known that this officer had seen Ozzy in his tights and was doing pirouettes and generally mocking him. He (the police officer) was (many of us think anyway) jealous of Ozzy's well-formed body, long hair, quick smile, and deep dimples. Anyways, Ozzy decided he would show him and he popped him one.
Later, during the ample spare time Ozzy suddenly found he had lots of he decided that he would tattoo the letters O-Z-Z-Y across his left knuckles with a sewing needle and some floor cleaner. Clever Ozzy, he would never have the same problem again because now he could just show them his knuckles.
[edit] Music and Ozzy Osbourne
[edit] How It All Began
After jail, because he was dyslexic and not much good at school, Ozzy decided to try music as a career. Banding together with Tony "Baloney" (years later known as 'Only I Own-i' and pssst...if you don't like it go fuck yourself) Iommi, William "Bill" Ward and Terence "Geezer" Butler the young Renegades of Funk broke into a local music shop to steal all of the accordions they could find. They were planning on creating a signature youth soul band called "Polka Tulk Blues," and they all, especially Ozzy (who was a changed man), knew the old adage:
“A child who plays accordion doesn't pick up a gun”
~ Andres “Turco” Gil on www.letspolka.com/
So anyways, the four outfitted themselves with these accordions and as many Crucifixes as they could. They knew the resistance they'd have to their wild brand of music and this comforted them.
It was 1970 when this band, known at the time as "Tony Baloney and the Soul Solid Crew" had their first gig in a Middlesborough Church. Unfortunately the young group had misunderstood the terms "Christian", "Soul" and "Music" to mean "Satanic", "Heavy" and "Shit".
Needless to say they were ex-communicated immediately and the Pope himself was warned of their presence.
“Kill them immediately”
~ The Pope on Tony Baloney and the Soul Solid Crew
Fortunately the crew was able to bounce back from this minor setback and began touring the various pubs and clubs at the heart of the Vatican. They dropped the accordians because they were just too controversial, instead opting for the more melodic ripping sounds of the lead guitar, bass, and drums. Ozzy's instrument of course were his lungs. They called themselves Earth for a time, since they spent alot of time inhaling it in drunken oblivion after shows.
[edit] On Becoming Black Sabbath
It was at one of these clubs that a stoned MC who didn't know the bands name yelled across the bar "Hey, what the fuck is your bands name," to which they replied on the fly, "Black Sabbath." They wanted a unique name and sound - and were quite bored with the name "Earth" - so they picked that name on the spot from a discarded horror film flyer lying about on the ground. "Black Sabbath, fucking eh" they all said, in a chorus of agreement. And history was made.
[edit] First album
Black Sabbath's celebrated first album imaginatively entitled "Black Sabbath" was released on Friday the 13th in February 1970. It featured Ozzy Osbourne on vocals, drums, guitar, bass, the front of a '69 Ford Torino GT, and a chainsaw (the latter to great effect). It should be noted that this was recorded simultaneously as a live demo and was not recorded using a multi-track system.
“"We're only here for a short time. We know that. In three years time or even next week, they could be saying 'Who the hell are Black Sabbath?"”
~ Ozzy to Andrew Tyler, Disc and Music Echo, 22 January 1972
It was around this time that Black Sabbath first met a woman named Sharona Arden. Sharona appealed to Ozzy's manic nature by bringing him cheeseburgers four times a day. Her bitchy snobbery and signature name dropping (not to mention her daddy's multi-million dollar mansion she invited Ozzy and Iommi to for breakfast) made the band (especially Ozzy) take note.
Black Sabbath's first hit "Black Sabbath" was really about the secretive night life of Sharona Arden. After reading a very old occult book that Ozzy had, Geezer had a dream of a dark figure at the end of his bed. It scared him half to death. In actuality, it was Sharona, though in his drugged out and drunken state neither he nor the rest of the band realized it.
“What is this that stands before me? Figure in black which points at me. Turn around quick, and start to run. Find out I'm the chosen one. Oh nooo! ”
~ Geezers midnight encounter as documented in a song
Another famous song from this period is "Sweet Meat," interestingly enough a nickname Sharona had taken to calling the band although Ozzy and she didn't have sex until much later. The song basically protested the existence of Vegetarians while also promoting excessive drug use. The famous first verse refers to the legendary munchies after smoking marijuana. The cough at the beginning is not actually a cough but in fact Ozzy's dog Wilson farting loudly.
“When I first lit up, didn't realize, it makes you hungry, for beans and fries. Weed introduced me to cooked meat, and left me wanting roast lamb and beef. Oh Yeah!”
~ Memorable first verse to "Sweet Meat"
[edit] Onward Hoe
At this time the band moved on to spread heavy metal (or hard rock as it was known in those days) like a disease through America. It rocked the world. Speaking of disease, Ozzy soon discovered groupies, and LORD weren't they free and easy spirits. He quickly availed himself of the exceptional beauties that appeared at his door. It would go something like this: "knock knock"..."ummm, hello...can we do the nasty?" (door closes, sound of grunts and banging headboards).
Yep, Sabbath, including Ozzy, typical twenty year old males that they were, were in heaven. After all, what's the primary mission of any young male? Deflate the boner, spread the joy, right? Preachers across the nation screamed they were all going to hell forthwith...while secretly reading of their exploits jealous as all hell. So in the midst of imbibing literally tons of coke, LSD, quaaludes, speed, opium, heroin, and other assorted drugs, they did the dirty, rammed it home homey, handed out free pearl neckaces. And then more of the above came along.
Of course this was before the advent of Aids, hepatitis, syphilis, gonorrhea, the crabs, herpes, or other venereal disease, defined by Wikipedia as:
“"an illness that has a significant probability of transmission between humans or animals by means of sexual contact, including vaginal intercourse, oral sex, and anal sex."”
~ Wikipedia on Sexually transmitted disease
Each one of the band lived, defined really, what was to become known as the incredibly sordid, decadent side of Rock and Roll. A vintage photo from this period shows a naked Ozzy and Geezer with groupies in their kitchen eating hash brownies and popcorn. Two of the three groupies were eating the boys (not shown).
[edit] Second Album
On a whim Ozzy and the rest of the band recorded a second album called "Paranoid" which defined the bands mental state at the time due to the ingestion of nearly thirty tons of cocaine in about six months. The year was 1971. Despite the bands success, they saw very little money because the dirty little rats managing them paid the drug dealers and hoe's to keep the boys stoned senseless and on sensory overload, then pocketed it all.
As "Paranoid" moved up in the charts, two more dirty little rats wooed Sabbath with talk of shiny cars, money, better looking babes, and more fortune...convincing them to leave their existing manager. Unbeknownst to the Sabbath members, however, Patrick Meanie and Wolf Oak were crossing their fingers under the table when they promised the band that they would be honest and give them a fair share of their profits. Sabbath would have been quite appalled if they could have seen the victory dance Pat and Wolf did as they left their meeting successful in getting them to sign with them. "Suck-ers, suck-ers, suck-ers" was the refrain as they hopped from leg to leg going to the elevator.
The band who busted the face of music wide open, bringing it on hard and fast and angry and happening, bent over and took it up the tailpipe big time because of inexperience, misplaced trust, and blind indulgence. Fans thinking they were supporting the band were actually supporting some fat bald guy and his chronies in the business. They "borrowed" stuff to Sabbath, giving them the illusion that they had made it. Just as quickly they took it away, retaining ownership. Leaving bitterness in the wake.
It was around this time that Ozzy met and married a pretty little Brit named Thelma Riley, adopting a son named Elliot Kingsley. Together they had two children Jessica Starshine Osbourne and Louis John Osbourne.
[edit] The Other Sabbath Albums
From 1971 until 1979, Sabbath put out Master of Reality, Volume 4, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, Sabotage, Technical Ecstasy, and their final album with Ozzy, Never Say Die.
Master of Reality, released in 1971 was best known for it's hit single [[1]]Children of the Grave, for its' acoustic versions of hits Embryo and Sweet Leaf, and for the soft-sung ditty Solitude. With regard to Solitude, a debate is on-going as to who is the singer, Ozzy or drummer Bill Ward.
“This song makes me want to fuck my cat.”
~ A comment regarding the song Solitude by bigpoopie69 (2 days ago), YouTube
In November 1975 Ozzy had the first of a series of accidents that would plague his life. This time it was a motorcycle accident and he ruptured a muscle in his back. Sadly for Ozzy, sex was out of the question unless the woman was on top. Most of his groupies however found the challenge very stimulating and were accomodating.
Technical Ecstasy, released in 1976 contains a hit single Dirty Women, the song many guys from then until today bless the band for writing as it graced them at concerts in the 70's and at Ozzfest most recently with women exposing their breasts at the urging of Ozzy (who is uninterested in anyone but Sharona's boobies of course - not so with Geezer, Tony, and Bill ...but in the past, yea verily I say, in the far, far distant past, way back when, ancient history really, like pre-Autumn 1986, well...).
[edit] Trouble in Paradise
In November 1977, while in rehearsal for their next album, and just days before the band was set to enter the studio, Ozzy Osbourne quit the band. "The last Sabbath albums were just very depressing for me", Osbourne said. "I was doing it for the sake of what we could get out of the record company, just to get fat on beer and put a record out."
“I was drinking like a fish for two years. It was just getting worse and worse, off one thing and on to another. Finally I nearly ended up an alcoholic.”
~ 1977, Ozzy Osbourne on why he quit Sabbath
The press were often scathing in their editorials on the band during that time, referring them to has beens, long past their day.
“Beyond that, way beyond that, there's Ozzy. He's undoubtedly one of the great front men of our time. ...The rest of the band, their musical inadequacies aside, look like Benny Hill dressed up as a rock and roll band. And, Ozzy aside, they relate to their audience pretty much the same way as Benny Hill. They give them just what they want, no more, no less.”
~ Peter Silverton, Sounds, 27 May 1978
It couldn't have been easy for Ozzy. When he quit the band, Ozzy talked to the press of an idea he was having to form his own band, The Blizzard Of Oz. "I've been approached by several sharks and crooks in the business," he explains, "and some of the deals I've been offered went out with Al Capone."
Ozzy changes his mind, however, and rejoins Sabbath after several months apart. Never Say Die was released in 1978. Reviewers called Black Sabbath's live performance of the album "tired and uninspired," in contrast to the performance of opener band Van Halen, whom they raved about.
[edit] The End to a Legendary Band
The band was riddled with turmoil around this time. They were imploding from drug and alcohol and promiscuity gone wild. The Pope, who always has his thumb on the pulse of such things (though never on his nethers), finally discovered their whereabouts and sent Titanium Battle Droids to destroy them. As the band fled, the then unknown and avid Sabbath fan Gerald Ford tripped and dropped his lunchbox. It shattered on the floor. Ford was exceedingly dismayed by the appearance of honey all over his legs. The battle droids who absolutely LOVE honey tortured and raped him mercilessly. When the band noticed the droids were otherwise occupied, they hot-wired one of Ford's motorcars and drove to safety.
Ozzy was subsequently fired from the band when it was revealed he had filled Ford's lunchbox with honey as a joke.
“I wanted to fill it with human blood, but my lawyer said it wasn't a good idea.”
~ Ozzy Osbourne on Who was really to blame
Ozzy was replaced by Superhero and Ex-Rainbow Vocalist and the winner of "The Worlds Shortest and Most Long-Winded, Classically Trained But Simply Not Ozzy Singer" award, Ronnie James Dio. An interesting tidbit, Sharona let the disgruntled Ozzy bashing Iommi, Butler, and Ward know how to contact the singer Ronny James Dio just before the band got rid of Ozzy.
[edit] Solo Career
“I'll do it again, but I'll do it comfortably. I won't ever let myself be prostituted again.”
~ 1977, Ozzy discussing a solo career with the press
Anyway, like a rescuing angel and definitely without any agenda of a sexual or interpersonal nature Sharona met up with Ozzy a few months later. Timing is everything. Ozzy was in quite a tizzy thinking his career was over. He was in a hotel getting drunk off his ass and burying his face in a pile of cocaine and a plethora of other drugs. Then, while stoned off his gourd, possibly on LSD, who came in but Sharon, discussing a solo career and suggesting her services (er, management), to establish it.
Ozzy was by then quite paranoid from snorting cocaine for weeks on end. He was in fact dealing with voices in his head by hiding under the bed. When Sharona suggested he get off his fucking ass and make his own career Ozzy said "I will if you can get off yours." Anyway, he knew he was saved. The year was 1979. Ozzy went on to write the hit single "My Sharona" immediately following this amazing turn of events.
“Get over here and give Mama some luvin. ”
~ Sharona to Ozzy, quite often in the old days
“Yes dear. Anything you say dear. ”
~ Ozzy's response to Sharona
[edit] Forming the New Band
Blizzard of Ozz was formed for Ozzy's solo gig. Ozzy did vocals, Lee Kerslake drums, Bob Daisley bass, and Randy Rhoads guitar.
Legend has it that Randy Rhoads walked into Ozzy's studio and was merely warming up when Osbourne gave him the job. Apparently Ozzy was immediately enthralled. He was also extremely blitzed (I know, shocking), so he called Rhoads back in the next day when he was sober to see if he sounded as good as he remembered. He did ... but was a bit more hairy then Ozzy had remembered. He gave him the job with the proviso that he use Nair once a week. Osbourne described Rhoads' playing as "God entering my life."
Ozzy stated that he found the other guys "at the clap clinic."
[edit] Into the Recording Studio
Moving straight from his bed into the studio (and from the studio into his bed), Ozzy, with Blizzard of Ozz, recorded ten songs including hits such as "Goodbye to Romance", "Crazy Train", "Mr Crowley" and "No Bone Movies." On a side note, Sharon looks to have dropped at least 50lbs. Some say it was from all the sex she and Ozzy were having, others argue it was lipo.
In any case, "No Bone Movies" is a touching song about Ozzy's struggle with his rebellious hand and shame, revealing the noble nature of the man struggling with the practicality of his decisions. Apparently temptation and masturbation have been a long-term struggle for Ozzy. In an interview Ozzy tells a story about his childhood:
“I'm lying on the fucking couch watching this, thinking, I'm jacked ...[t]his thing comes to my head, "Kill your mother. Get up and kill her – she's evil." I swear to God, I felt myself come off this fucking couch, and I ran, and I ran. I stopped myself running, went straight back through the kitchen, into the bathroom, and masturbated for about four hours. So in the end, I eventually ended up in the fucking nuthouse. The guy says to me, first question – which was ironical – was, "Do you masturbate?" I turned to this guy and I says, "Listen, asshole, I'm here for my head, not my cock." But I've read about it since...apparently masturbation for guys is a very big sign of insecurity, which I am – I'm very insecure. Within myself. It's true.
Suffering in shame at the tea house”
~ Jan 1982, Ozzy Osbourne to David Gans regarding masturbation. A story which made David adjust his collar in embarassment, and one which bears an uncanny similarity to a domestic violence incident cited in Sharon's book "Extreme"
In 1980, Blizzard of Ozz was released, along with the little known singles Mr. Crowley and Crazy Train. The album became an almost instant hit.
Ozzy, however, did face criticism. First, by Kurt Cobain of Nirvana for taking advantage of the then-popular Grunge scene; second by Sharona for revealing his battle with the bulge in his pants. Ozzy responded positively, blasting Cobain's head off with a shotgun when he was particularly weakened from speedballing, thus removing him from our collective hair. In no position to argue with Sharona at that time, he basically dealt by shoving a half ton of cocaine in his nose and staying away from home for a couple of days at a low-key British tea house.
[edit] Peace Offerings
After Blizzard of Ozz was cut Ozzy visited his label. At Sharona's urging he took two white doves for a peace offering into the meeting, to show that he wasn't really an insane, crazy person. Getting straight down to business, Ozzy bit the head off one dove, spit it on the table, then let the other fly free. As the door shut behind him, the only remaining sound in the room was of people gagging on their barf or hitting the floor in instantaneous recumbent position. The label was going to fire him straight away, but they got delayed by their unexpected naps. They admitted that they were also slightly influenced by sales from sold out concerts after news of what he did hit the press. In the end they didn't fire him because they really loved Ozzy and didn't want to disappoint the fans.
[edit] Ozzy's Rising Star
By their second album, Diary of a Madman, Kerslake and Daisley had left and been replaced by Tommy Aldridge on drums and Rudy Sarzo on bass. In Jan '82 when asked by David Gans how he met his band members, Ozzy replied "Tommy Aldridge and I have been doing the same circuit since '72, '73, when he was with Black Oak and I was with Sabbath. I think he's the greatest fucking drummer in the world."
Ozzy released "Diary of a Madman" in 1981, preferring this album to his first. Rumor has it that the album was inspired by a recent feud between Osbourne and Megadeth vocalist Dave Mustaine. Or it might not have been. In any case, during the Diary tour, Ozzy had as part of his contract direction to throw 25 pounds of calves livers and pigs intestines at the audience. He really got off on that. In mutual gore, people started showing up with fucking gross stuff to throw back at him.
Fast forward a few concerts and this is what led to the infamous bat incident. Ozzy would rip the head off of various things thrown on stage. So when what he thought was a rubber bat was thrown on stage - his cuspids (canine, dogteeth, fangs) ripped that fuzzy suckers head right off.
[edit] Discography
Blizzard Of Ozz - 1981, #7 UK, #21 US, US Sales: 4,000,000
Diary of a Madman - 1981, #14 UK, #16 US, US Sales: 3,000,000
Speak of the Devil - 1982 (live), #21 UK, #14 US, US Sales: 1,000,000
Bark at the Moon - 1983, #24 UK, #19 US, US Sales: 3,000,000
The Ultimate Sin - 1986, #8 UK, #6 US, US Sales: 2,000,000
Tribute - 1987 (live), #13 UK, #6 US, US Sales: 2,000,000
No Rest for the Wicked - 1988, #23 UK, #13 US, US Sales: 2,000,000
Best of Ozz - 1989 (compilation)
Ten Commandments - 1990, (rare out of print, greatest hits)
Just Say Ozzy - 1990 (live, EP), #58 US, US Sales: 500,000
No More Tears - 1991, #17 UK, #7 US, US Sales: 4,000,000
Live and Loud - 1993 (live), #22 US, US Sales: 1,000,000
Ozzmosis - 1995, #22 UK, #4 US, US Sales: 2,000,000
The Ozzman Cometh - 1997 (compilation), #13 US, US Sales: 2,000,000
The Ozzfest - 1997 (compilation, out of print)
Down to Earth - 2001, #19 UK, #4 US, US Sales: 1,000,000
Ozzfest - Second Stage Live - 2001 (compilation)
Ozzfsest 2001 The Second Millenium - 2001 (compilation)
The Osbournes Family Album - 2002 (compilation)
Live At Budokan - 2002 (live), #70 US
The Essential Ozzy Osbourne - 2003 (compilation), #21 UK, #81 US
Bible of Ozz - 2005 (box)
[edit] Personal Life
[edit] Legitimate Children
Ozzy has three children with his first wife Thelma (Elliot-adopted, Jessica, & Louis), and three with Sharona (Amy-who often wishes she was adopted, Kelly, & Jack). Ozzy loves his children so nuff said. As my great grand-mammie used to say, "back the fuck off a$$hole..."
[edit] Illegitimate Children
An unknown but much talked about fact is the list of other children sired by the magnificent Ozzy Osbourne.
- First there is Val Emmich (b. 1979). Put long hair on the boy and what do you get? A young Ozzy! Honey, hold me back, I'm gonna rape the man.
- Then there is Ozzy and Michael Jackson (the new and improved white one, not the black MJ)! - no doubt where that DNA came from.
- Check out the similar looks between John Michael (Ozzy) and John Travolta! Happenstance? I think not.
- Finally, there is the uncanny resemblance between the cartoon Ozzy and Mickey Mouse(see opening photo).
The list is made even longer when you consider how often Ozzy left his DNA lying around in the 1960's, 1970's, 1980's, 1990's, and (with the advent of Viagra) 2000's.
“"Walk down the street in any major city in the US and you'll see little Ozzies everywhere." ”
~ A random comment from an Ozzy fan at Ozzfest
Of course this discarded material is swiftly gathered up by the mad crowd of women following Ozzy around who are in love with him. It's used for artificial insemination (after Autumn 1986, according to Sharona, that is the ONLY means of connecting with the Ozzman's spermies) by studio techs, groupies, fans, nurses, nannies, random women in hotel lobbies, ferry floozies, tarts in bars, lingerers at the mansion, toll booth operators, neighbors - why, it's rumored even the Queen herself and Camilla Parker-Bowles have done their gathering and set some aside for a rainy day. The perils of being a superstar.
[edit] Wives
[edit] Move Along Thelma
Ozzy was originally married to Thelma and they had kids and everything. Completely unrelated, totally, we swear (seriously, we got this from Sharona's book) his marriage with Thelma broke up because of personal problems Ozzy was having. It was definitely not because Sharona convinced him she could make him a star (wink wink, flirt flirt). It was only a minor complication that he was still married (can we all say "ohhhhhh."). His constant infidelity with groupies ~ clearly Ozzy wasn't "in love" with Thelma, or flooded with and weak to temptation. Nope. He just wasn't in love.
Ahem. [uncomfortable shuffling of papers, odd silence]. Yes. Moving right along.
[edit] Welcome to the Sharona Experience
- Ozzy
- she is the daughter and apt pupil of the infamous Brit rock manager "Machine Gun" Don Arden (who had a reputation for dangling his rivals by their legs out of fifth story windows)
- she knows who Simon Cowell is
- how she went from fat to thin, hag/dish rag to diva with lipo, stomach banding, face/boob/stomach/leg/arm tuck/lifts and didn't blink at the half mil spent to do it
- the number of times she says fuck in a conversation
- she busted her ass to make Ozzy a star and succeeded
- she inexcusably humiliated her husband on primetime television instead of seeking help for him
- she painted Ozzy as a perverted, violent deviant in her book "Extreme"
- the fights she gets into on live television when someone other than herself insults her husband
- the incredible amount of her husbands money she has wasted on stupid stuff
- the number of times she's been fired from prime time tele shows
- her role in The Vagina Monologues. oh wait, never heard of that? scratch that one.
- her really annoying habit of calling her adult son "Jackie Boy"
- her really really annoying habit of name dropping in her books (as if anyone cares?)
- her flamboyant brown turd with red spike highlit hair
[edit] Sharona's Books
Sharona's books 'Extreme' and 'Survivor' are basically a calculated bet that people who love gossip will die for a peek into the life of one of history's sexiest and most intriguing rock and roll bad boys. Sharona knows people and what motivates them quite well. After years of standing by and living with the humiliation of Ozzy's debauchery (which it's a small guess pissed her off royally) and the frustration of not being able to end or control his addictions, she finally snapped and gave the public (and her suffering self-esteem) what it wanted. The down and dirty. She put the lethal Arden gloves on and laid her man out cold honey.
One is hard pressed to say how their marriage survives today given the lovely portrait of her husband she paints in "Extreme." An enemy could not have humiliated her husband better. For all you gossip scabs, be sure (if you haven't already) to get the down and dirty of what a perverted vile beast Ozzy is by buying his wife's book. Get a resale though, you know?
[edit] Ozzy's Fans on Ozzy and Sharona
“Your wife makes a satanic pact for fame and even more hideous sums of money, and this is what happens. Ozzy wont be reme[m]ber[e]d for Sabbath, [his music,] or for giving the world Randy Rhoads. He'll be reme[m]bered as a confused drunk stumbling around his house while his wife pulls on the puppet strings. Ozzy will always be a legend, but he's become a really sad sight. Fuck Sharon[a].~JohnM 8/23/2006 I would probably have to do the mountain of drugs Ozzy does on a daily basis to wake up next to that thing.~lettik 5/29/2009”
~ Comments from Blabbermouth.net (Roadrunner Records) website
“She looks like Ronald McDonald. One of the most annoying women on the planet in my opinion.”
~ James, Doha, Qatar on .dailymail.co.uk, 29/9/2007 13:32
“Say a little prayer for Ozzy to wise up and stop things like this. Be a musician again. Stop the reality shows. Stop the stupid comedy programs. Don’t do more dumb commercials. Speak in complete and lucid sentences again. Stand up to Sharon[a]–SHE’S RUINING YOU. FOR GOD’S SAKE.”
~ IThinkICan 5/29/2009, 4:07 pm EST on rollingstone.com
“I would rather have 18 noisy, smelly dogs than a wife like Sharon[a]. She plays Ozzy like a puppet. Someone asks him a question and she answers. I dislike the woman.”
~ Parton781 Mon Mar 30 2009 on starpulse.com
“ OZZY is my GOD so for this i apologize, but SHARON[A] YOU ARE A LEECHING, SUCCUBUS OF A BITCH! ~Stixnstond in L.A. 10-9-08 I hate that woman so much. Watching them on TV is like a real-life version of weekend at bernies but with tragedy replacing hilarity. Sharon[a] has pull, yet she still parades the barely breathing corpse of her husband around to make a quick buck. ~mr lun 10-9-08”
~ Comments on metalsucks.net
[edit] Little Known Facts
- Ozzy is an avid collector of Chewbacca memorabilia and has based his appearance on the famous Star Wars character.
- Ozzy plays World of Warcraft. He's been the Prince of Darkness since 1979.
- Ozzy got a nose job.
- In 2006, Ozzy claims that he found and killed Waldo in a never-ending feeding frenzy. Ozzy was charged with murder but the charges were subsequently dropped due to insufficient evidence.
- Far from being Satan incarnate, Ozzy has a tender, caring heart.
- Ozzy believes if he doesn't wear glasses his eyeballs will be sucked out of his head and gamma radiation will blind him.
- Ozzy mashes chicks and explodes cows.
[edit] Legacy
Famous hard rock band "Metallica" covered Ozzy Osbourne's hit single "Master of Puppies" for their popular third album, also entitled "Master of Puppies". In a similar move grunge band Pearl Jam covered an Ozzy solo album in it's entirety as their debut album.
The Osbournes, a documentary about Ozzy's family, was also a vastly unpopular television program on various world wide channels except for certain times, such as when Ozzy got stoned on laughing gas at the dentist or for a brief period when nobody could figure out what the hell he was saying and it became a popular past-time to figure it out. Also, ratings were up the night where Jack launched one of their little dogs off a bean bag chair.
