Pacman

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OH, SHI— Someone wrote two articles about the same thing. After finishing this article, the dude went ahead and wrote Pac-Man. Fuckin' idiot.

“Pacman eats a lot.”
~ Captain Obvious on Pacman
“You know Pac-man? Well, he was originally going to be called "Puck-man" but they changed it because they thought people were going to scratch out the "P" and turn it into an "F". ”
~ Scott Pilgrim on Pacman
Goody! It's lunch time!

Pakistan "Pacman" Afghanistan Turkmenistan Uzbekistan Tajikistan Kirgistan Kazakhstan Linchi (also known as "F***man and "Pac"stage) was the founder of the Stan countries. The word stirs up deep emotion in the hearts of many Americans, perhaps deeper emotion than any other word. One can not simply read what 'Pacman' means. One must 'feel' what Pacman means.

Also, Pacman may refer to the first colored superhero and is also widely regarded as a huge Asshole. Unlike Heman, Superman, Spiderman or Batman, Pacman is yellow, has chinky eyes, a fatty waist line and likes to eat. Being of Asian descent, Asians decided to honor him by slicing out a part of British India and calling it Pacistan. Brother of Pacman settled in Nepal and the capital of Nepal was named Catman dude after him. Pacman is the first kungfu hero, who taught that the best kungfu move is the run from the bad guys and keep on eating. Forrest Gump was the first kung fu movie based on Pacmaolin school of kungfu which emphasizes on the ancient martial art of running and escaping.

His friends are: Gayman- Rayman, Crash "fucker" Bandicoot, Spyro the Asshole, Super "Dickhead" MariOH, NAMBLA's mans...

Pacman may also refer to a Pacman Apocalypse. This is based on recent studies by genius scientists who have discovered that pacman Will likely escape from the fith dimension some time soon to eat us all. Instructions on how to survive this can be found at HowTo:Survive a pacman apocalypse.

"Nobody survives by F***man..."

Contents

[edit] Common misconceptions

There are several common misconceptions held in young people today about Pacman. The following are just a few of the more common mistakes:

  1. Pacman is an American zero... I mean "HERO". This is simply a grammatical error. The truest way to state this about Pacman is that he is THE American hero.
  2. Pacman is a yellow SHIT or circle. This is totally incorrect. Pacman is a yellow sphere with eyes and a mouth.
  3. Pacman is a true black gangsta, and he is my homie G dog!!! Foshizzle! Actually, this myth has been proven true by the National Gangsta Association (NGA) and is one of Pacman's most celebrated qualities amongst other gangstas.
  4. Pacman is a computer (porn) game. Not true; it's a game that little children play. They have to throw a lot of cheese on the floor. Then they will go eat the cheese and ghosts will come to take them to hell. After they have eaten all the cheese they will go to the next house where new ghosts and cheese are waiting for them. When you have finished all houses in the land Satan will come and you have to defeat him in a walk-off
  5. The level 255 of the supposed Pacman computer game is glitched. This is proved false by the developers. In the level, Michael Jackson shows the use of a condom. Eventually the developers are forced to censor the level due to the extreme seizure of the deaf children who sees it.
  6. Many scholars argue that this game was largely responsible for the shift in world thinking in the 1980s concerning the viability of Communism, and thus is more or less directly responsible for the end of the F*uckin' Cold War; those scholars are, however, wrong.
  7. Pacman is a super ultra n00b LoL
  8. Pacmans real name is Per Kristian Rasmussen
  9. Pacman has no real name. And neither do you.
  10. Pacman is an invention of ClayPigeonSite
  11. Pacman has no idea how to make a name of himself. (Robert Chrysanthemum, maybe).
  12. Pacman is a Pokemon that eats everything in sight then will destroy Wikipedia, when in reality, that's Mr. Mouth. And he look a Invader Zim!
  13. Pacman was the first game to diplay 1080p, when in fact it was only upscaled 720p. When news of this broke it caused the Anal Riots of 1985.
  14. Pacman is actually a figment of the imagination who will wipe out the human race if we are not careful, which, by the way, we are not.
  15. Pacman does not really appear in Pacmen's Republic of Hong Kong.
  16. Pacman is in fact Namcap, a Vietnamese spy charged with the assassination of your mom.
  17. Pacman is really dead. Since his 1998 death in a laddermatch with Tubby Smith, a costumed retarded impostor has played the role of Pacman. However, since Pacman was retarded to begin with, noone has noticed the difference.
  18. Pacman is currently living in New Jersey with his wife (Ms. Pacman) and kids (Pacboy and Pacgirl) in a seven-story condo. This is not true, as it is actually an eight-story condo
  19. Pacman is really a mentally impaired, deformed dog that fell into a vat of blonde hair dye.
  20. Pacman tries to make references to Waka Flocka Flame but his aching vocal chords cannot emit other noises other than Waka, making him sound stupid all the time.

[edit] Early life

His skeleton is currently on display in the Wilde Memorial Museum.

Born in 1879 in Pacmanistan to 2 Pac, just 2 Pac. Pacman suffered from a rare genetic defect in which he was born spherical. Pacman was very unhappy with his defect, and threatened to kill his parents Pacdad and Pacmom, even his little sister, Pacgirl. At the age of five, Pacman was arrested for the murder of a puppy. He got off 48 hours later, getting off as innocent. As soon as he was home, the threats started again. Horrified, Pacman's parents sold him into slavery. It was through slavery that Pacman met Oscar Wilde, a teacher and friend throughout his life. ((At the age of ??)), Pacman fought in World War 2, where he received numerous awards in ghost rape.

Sometime later on, with the rise of technology, Pacman quickly had a game programmed loosely back when it was in WW2. Unfortunately, while the scientists were carefully scanning his complex biology into the computer, they discovered a mysterious curse: he was fated to be set upon by the four ghostly presences of the apocalypse, and he shall be chased by them for eternity through a neverending labrynth with white spheres for which he would have a terrible thirst. He would be killed by the touch of these four ghosts, unless he were to find an ancient treasure, in which case he would be able to eat them. He also would be able to gain delicious fruits for a small reward. He was chased for years, until he dressed up like a girl in an attempt to escape (Ms. Pacman). It didn't work, but he liked the makeup, so he stayed like that until he escaped that GOD DAMN labrynth and got a therapist.

[edit] Later life

In his later life, Pac-man was well known for his generous gifts.

After his second assassination, Pacman retired from his longtime job as a superhero. After a long spell as a script editor for BBC Radio Four, he graduated to the comedy circuit where he proved fairly successful, releasing a live album, the Wakkawakka World of Pacman which was nominated for a Grummy award (1978). He separated from his long-term partner Ms. Pacman after she confessed to having an affair with Donkey Kong. He later died pennyless and alone, forgotten due to the fame of his similarly named son, Pac-Man. It was originally thought he had gone back to school to get a degree in child pornography, but such theories were otherwise proved false once we figured out he's just a stupid yellow circle incapable of thought. Then he found out that he was motherfucker and went to find Micheal Jackson. As Pacman would say: "yo yo yo yo yo yo, what it is motherfuckers" "awwww shit, here comes pacman" "hey pacman, whats up" "Me you bitches! I'm high on crack! Wanna freebase?" "No Pacdrugs are bad!" "Nope can't help you man" "Pussies" *smokes bong* "Whoa! Holy shit!" "Merry gansta christmas"

[edit] The ghosts

The average game of Pacman contains approximately 4.3 ghosts (rounded down to 4.) Their goal in life is to murder Pacman, cut open his stomach and get back the food that the fatass has been stealing from them. There are different types of ghosts and different strategies that they use to try to assassinate Pacman. They are Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde. (Clyde was obviously adopted.) Blinky will simply follow Pacman wherever he goes, which is why it has obtained the title of Pacman's crazy stalker fangirl. Pinky, with a somewhat higher intelligence than Blinky, will actually cut Pacman off and use shortcuts to catch up to him. Or was that Inky? Clyde, on the other hand, will not chase Pacman at all but prefers to run in random directions. (We told you he was adopted. He was also dropped on his head when he was...er...a binary digit.) Aside from Clyde, who is a retard, Blinky, Pinky and Inky always thinky of kinky things to do with Pacman when they finally catch him.

[edit] Fun Facts

  • One flaw of the ghosts on the original "Pacman" arcade game was that you can sometimes go through the ghosts. Sounds kind of obvious in movies, but in a game it's actually a glitch.
  • Pacman helped God create the crescent moon. An alternate theory suggests Medusa may have actually created the moon, but Pacman is involved either way.
  • A number of imitator arcades were released shortly after the release of "Pacman". The most notable one, was a version titled, "Crackman". Which insinuated the white dots were crack, and instead of ghosts being featured, cop cars were used instead. This version was a big hit in urban areas where Crack itself was popular.
  • Pacman's original name was "Puckman" (Then "Truckman and then "Bugman ). Since it resembles a similar cuss word, the creators changed it.
  • In the arcade game of "Ms. Pacman", there was a yellow ghost named Sue. But it was changed into the orange ghost Clyde.
  • There are 240 pac dots on a board of a "Pacman" game that makes Pacman slower everytime he eats one.
  • The original "Pacman" game has 10000 boards, or levels, in order to "beat" the game. After board 255, half of the screen turned into video "garbage" making the game unplayable(but AAA has beaten it). This is caused due to an integer overflow. Plus, the creators of the game never even thought of players making this famous.
  • The apple was worth 1000 points when Ms. Pacman eats one. The Strawberry was worth 200, the pear 2000, and the banana 5000. Ms. Pacman must have liked apples better than Pacman...they were only worth 700 points in the original game!
  • The names of the ghosts were Shadow, Speedy, Bashful, and Pokey. Dumbass, Retard, Numbnuts, and Chuck were the NICKNAMES of the ghosts. Their ORIGINAL NAMES, however were the Hellborn Soul Reapers.
  • In July 1998, Florida resident Billy Mitchell achieved the first perfect score in Pacman (3,333,360) after playing for sex... six hours straight. He beat all 256 screens eating every dot, fruit, and ghost (all four ghosts were eaten with each power pellet) - using only one Pacman!
  • Pacman was inspired by a pizza with a slice missing. Namco designer Tohru Iwatani went out for the evening with some friends and then dove for dinner. The rest is history.
  • Pacman and his fellow Pacs travel 20 percent faster through mazes that have been cleared of dots than when they're eating. If you've got a ghost on your tail, head for open ground.
  • Pacman featured on the The Biggest Loser (TV) show. And ate all the contestents, mistakening them for cherrys.
  • Pacman was a raging alcoholic before sleeping with Satoru Iwata, therefore getting a job at Nintendo, wow what a m*t*erf**k*ng fag!
  • Pacman is rumored to be the first Freemason, having started the trend of running around in square movements in a darkened room.

[edit] Things he's eaten

Tony Jaa. Rosie O'Donnell Osama bin Laden (it was he's really death...) I think he eats dots too...

[edit] External links

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