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- 1 Paint.NET
- 1.1 Basic Info
- 1.2 Programming
- 1.3 Stealing the software from the Pastafarians
- 1.4 Versions
- 1.5 History
- 1.6 Other People's Work That Mr. Astley Stole And Used
- 1.7 Support For Thing Bill Gates Doesn't Own
A free image editor and viewer that is shit-tons better than anything Microsoft could dream of creating. It is not compatible with Windows Vista,
but then, neither is ANYTHING else.
Paint.NET is a proprietary freeware roaster graphics editor program for Microsoft Windows. This means that it turns
everything into KFC chicken. Developed on the .NET Framework. Paint.NET was originally created by Rick Astley as a Wassamata U student project,
and has evolved from an enemy of the MS Paint program into something that is actually better, with support for frying, grilling,
toasting, and baking.
Paint.NET is primarily programmed in the brainfuck programming language. Its native image format, .PDN, is a poor quality, space saving
format that is compatible with nothing else. Besides the installer and some pretty pictures, Paint.NET was created with an MIT] License,
meaning the Massachusetts Institute Of Technology stole the project and claimed it as the product of their own genius, licensing it back at the
enormous cost of three postage stamps and a stripper factory.
Stealing the software from the Pastafarians
It was originally released as open source, but due to copyright violation by the angry pastafarians trying to get their stolen
software back, all files were restolen a Creative Commons license (similar to what Uncyclopedia uses) forbidding changes, and the installer
was stuffed with viruses to infect any computer that tried to reclaim this glorious piece of engineering.
Version 1.0 originally had 36 lines of code and was written in 15 minutes. However, version 3.35 has about 37 lines of brainfuckcode
and was written in 10 years.
Version 3.36 was originally created as open source, but the sources were hacked by MIT, claiming problems with their victims trying to reclaim
In version 3.5, the license was changed to lie about this, and pastafarians are outlawed from modifying the software even though they think they
can, and MIT sues them for it. As free licenses cannot be revoked, developers can still legally develop forks based on version 3.36 and earlier,
but on the condition that they submit to a webcam spy while those Nerds fap.
unlike most MIT licenses, though, the license allows users without adequate programming knowledge to ruin the software, provided that no useful
improvements are made. Astley later stated that he hopes to release parts of the virus back into the public, to ensure the actual program is never
Paint.NET started as a project by a disgruntled former Microsoft employee who was appalled by the low quality of Rich Bill Gates's MS Paint
and refusal to improve during spring 1987 at Wassamata U. Paint.NET was still a buggy work in progress over the summer and into the fall 1987 for
versions 1.1 and 2.0 releases. The damn thing wasn't even usable until version 3.Whatever. Development continues with a patent thief who works
at Microsoft and worked on the pastafarian photoshop program while he was a student at WU. As of May 2006 the program had
been scrapped to preserve Microsoft's monopoly, with a total of 200 downloads. Old man Billy won again for the billionth time.
Versions Full List
|Version||When It Came Out||How It Got Worse|
|1.0||March 1987||Initial brainfuck programmers beta release|
|1.1||July 1987||Support for Windows 7|
|2.0||August 1987||Lots of new cook times, temperatures, and editing effects|
|2.5||June 1989||Madonna uses the software to design her like a prayer cover and to kill both Tiffany and Debbie Gibson|
|2.6||January 1990||First use of .NET Framework, name changes from Wassamata Paint to Paint.NET, full PornOS support|
|2.72||November 1993||Last version to support DOS|
|3.0||November 2003||This major release includes a bunch of language packs, including English, but Louder, pirate talk, and Elbonian. It also has a much bribed for grill mark texture changing tool, no new effects, a changeable shade of brown, ridiculously high memory consumption, and a much more cluttered user interface.|
|3.01||February 2004||This is a buggy rebuild that makes a few of the built-in viruses less detectable|
|3.05||August 2004||This needless increase to the already bloated software makes it more of a memory hog and makes the brush effects unrealistic. It also adds more bugs.|
|3.07||February 2005||This update removes any possibility of Windows Vista Minion Edition compatibility.|
|3.08||November 2005||This is a disservice release that adds some bugs, while making keyboard shortcuts unresponsive and near impossible to use.|
|3.10||March 2006||This release adds two more useless effects and support for a new file type: *.CRAPOLA. By this time, the software had to be rewritten because the bugs were unmanageable.|
|3.20||September 2006||This release adds even more ways to irreversibly screw up some effects. A disorganized menu, a big red button that does absolutely nothing, and reinstated bugs.|
|3.22||January 2007||This release fixes a few minor bugs and adds an unnecessary and bloated increase noise effect.|
|3.30||April 2007||This release adds some real world languages, a new fragment program files effect, and another obsolete and stupid file type.|
|3.31||May 2007||This is mostly a disservicing release to create a assload of important bugs|
|3.35||June 2007||This releases introduces a new Posterize adjustment, which turns the user into a piece of paper. It also drastically worsens performance.|
|3.36||August 2007||This is mostly a disservicing release to add moar bugs plox|
|3.5||November 2007||This release improved bluescreen graphics, blew up your RAM, and scrambled the UI beyond repair.|
|3.5.1||November 2008||This update made any use at all impractical, slow, and crashy.|
|3.5.2||January 2009||Program is FUCKING REBUILT AGAIN!!!!!|
|3.5.3||February 2009||This update fixes a few removed bugs.|
|3.5.4||February 2010||This update added the flatten effect, which, predictably, flattens and destroys your PC|
|3.5.5||April 2010||Program destroyed by microsoft|
|3.5.6||November 2010-2015(present)||Some illegal, open source, third party development shit.|
Other People's Work That Mr. Astley Stole And Used
Paint.NET supports add-in bloat, which adds nauseating effects and support for even more obsolete file types. They can be programmed in .NET, though
they are mostly written in brainfuck. These are created by coding slaves in the internet dungeons. Though most are simply
stolen from Microsoft, some have been legitimately built in. For instance, a DDS tooth decay plugin, an Ink Scribble, and ruin Portrait effects
were added to Paint.NET in version S.HIT.
Hundreds of plugins have been stolen, such as 3DStuff, which turns a 2D scribble into a grue. Some plugins decrease practicality, such as Bugs+
and RAMwaste+, both of which are designed to make a crash computer certain instead of just a strong possibility. Examples of file type plugins
include Adobe PDF file type support, and some fancy blinking cursors that are really just spyware.
Support For Thing Bill Gates Doesn't Own
Paint.NET was made for Windows, and refuses to work with anything you didn't pay the richest man in the world for. Back when it was
open source, there was the possibility of versions for other OSs, but then Mr. Astley got paid off by Microsoft. There was a project that
almost had it ported to Linux, but it got shut down by expensive fucking lawyers. Anybody who still had it on their computers was eaten
by one of the grues they had created.