Panic! At The Disco
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
 WARNING!  |
| |||||||||||||
| [Source] | |||||||||||||
Panic! at the Disco are a dance pop / death metal / bagpipe-core /Vegetarian Progressive Grindcore Liberal Democrat supporting band from Uganda, Nevada. They are the only known band to make a "song" about closing doors a "hit". They are also notorious for popping up too often when people are looking for disco music, although why people would be looking for disco music is anyone's guess.
The members! of Panic! at the Disco are not technically human, since they were created! using an experimental product from Apple called iClone. Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz! was able to gain access to a prototype! by sucking off Steve Jobs over a period of 3! months (often being forced to wear a wig! while being called Steve Wozniak).
Unfortunately, Pete Wentz left the cloning vats for several decades (whilst checking his myspace!) which resulted in the entire batch developing a hideous mutant capacity to not only hijack but ruin any airwaves / radio transmitters / virgins in their immedeate vicinity.
In order to give this new band! a façade of originality, he locked the clones in a room! for 5 weeks with nothing but a record album by the Canadian Arsonist/Terrorist/Indie Rock band Arcade Fire. When later asked about how having a group of Fall Out Boy clones listening to the Arcade Fire would constitute originality!, Wentz started crying and slashed his wrists. The other members of Fall Out Boy have yet to comment! on the issue.
Their music was developed! by S. P. Lunker, an employee of Egregious Music Incorporated (EMI), where the official name of Panic! at the Disco's music is Generic Emo-Punk 24621552. It was developed to increase the company's profits and counteract good music, as Lunker and other members of EMI have been fighting the evil "War! Against Music" since The Battle! of Los Angeles was released by Rage! Against the Machine.
With the help of notorious club DJs! Vladimir Lenin and Jar Jar Binks (famous for "discovering" the "singing" "sensation" Ashlee Simpson), the Panic! At The Disco clones entered a disco club in Scotland and proceeded to play their music! in the middle of the dance floor. This "music" brainwashed! all of the patrons of the disco club, immediately causing the patrons to style their hair into comb-overs, dye it black, and slit their wrists while sounding as if their testicles! (or clitorises for female patrons) had been chopped off and their heads filled with mediocre 80's dance-pop.
Following the release! of their first album, Panic! at the Disco became a phenomenon destroying music! as we know it. The band's popularity is mainly due to the strong support it receives from homosexuals, Edward Cullen (the gay sparkly vampire-incubus-thing), Da Cock, Michael Richards, and whiny 14 year old girls. Many experts believe Panic! at the Disco has been the cause of widespread kitten huffing among suburban youths with unlimited disposable income, while others believe the band's popularity is a side effect! of being a faggot.
Contents |
[edit] Members
[edit] Ryan! Ross
Guitar, backing vocals, and organ. He is dating Gina R. on weekdays and Jess B. on weekends, although, he also likes to have sexy times with Brendon.
[edit] Brendon! Urie
Vocals, accordian, and Ryan's organ.
[edit] Jon! Walker
Bass, tambourine. Is also The Brother of Jesus.
[edit] Spencer! Smith
Drums. He brings the fat, but girls still want to do him. Or watch him suck Jon balls off.
[edit] Manning! Peyton
Is a homo so who's surprised!
[edit] Popular Quotes
"Shit in a can. The band members do marijuana, which kills brain cells and can lead to overdoses. The band worships Satan, and can often be seen biting the heads off innocent animals, throwing fake blood into the crowd, and exposing themselves to the audience. A fan told me that during their shows naked women run on stage covered in blood and masturbate. The whole thing is fuckin' sick! These Satanic fags should all be burned!"
- Justin "The Wonderdog" Woody
"This is preposterous! I cannot believe such a band would ruin the Bee Gees' legacy! These fools are emoticons, not a disco band! The Bee Gees were disco! This is farty shit! This band should not claim to be such a traditionally revered sound such as disco! Disco is one of the highest forms of art rock around today, and they are ruining it!"
- Barry Gibb of famous 70's disco band, the Bee Gees
"Fuck dis shit! Dis isn't disco! You want to hear disco, you convert to scientology and come to our meetings every Friday!... Now, THAT'S some REAL fuckin' Brooklyn disco! In fact, I wanna dip my balls in it!...Panic at the Disco ain't disco!... I'm fuckin' disco!"
- John Travolta in alien form
"You can't just say 'panic at the disco.' That defeats the whole point of the exclamation mark. We need that to sound exciting. I mean, would you rather listen to ho-hum 'panic at the disco' or 'PANIC! at the disco?' It's a shame the other band members turned down the capital letters; makes me want to cry."
- One of the members of Panic! at the Disco (who cares which one?)
"We can really identify with their music. We both seem to enjoy the company of 8-year-old boys."
- Official press release from NAMBLA
"They stole our idea!!! We're so angry about it, we're gonna write a song with a 100 word title about how annoyed we are!"
-Excitement! At the Party
"Good band! Great music to bang little children to!"
-Divad Dorrog
"Hey man, fuck these guys, I mean, really man, they problably don't even know how to improvise and jam shit out, like the Dead, ya know man? They just play their shitty power chord-4/4-woe is me shit over and over while bands like Phish can play in 9/8 using dorian modes for like 25 minutes, I mean I was listening to some bottlegs the other day.....( rambling 45 minute speech on why Phish is cool, the properties of purple goo, and the effects of the Cuban Revolution on American culture in the 50's and 60's.) ..... man, I have the munchies."
- Random hippie Zach Anderson
"They give farty shit! a bad name."
- Farty Shit! on Panic! At The Disco
"The lyrics 'Haven't you guys ever heard of using the goddamn back door?!' reveal much about the anxiety and sexual frustration underlying their music. Recent studies have shown that the use of subliminal communication and ultrasound has been successful in drawing Emos to the music, who are particularly susceptible (like some mammals) to high-frequency whining sounds."
- Sigmund Freud on Panic! at the Disco
[edit] Things! Nobody Cares About
- Contrary! to popular belief, the band's previous bassist, Brent Brian Chris Dennis Wilson, did not leave the group due to internal conflicts. He was actually killed! by Pete Wentz, who then sold the organs to pay debts owed to the Russian Mafia.
- Ryan Ross is often in the papers and teen magazines. Claims! of him currently dating are true, with rumors! that the girl's name! could be Bee, Jenneh, Brenda or Steven Segal.
- Oddly enough, an actual "Panic at the Disco" may also occur! in real life if the aforementioned disco catches! on fire (e.g. the Station nightclub fire). Most music critics agree that the sound of a "Panic! at an Actual Disco" would be more pleasing to the ear than the actual music of Panic! at the Disco; however, someone would still have to close the goddamn door.
- Due to its popularity! amongst girls, the band has spawned a legion! of imitators. Well-known imitators include Treason! in the Mosque, Ecstasy! At The Rave, Vomit! in the Toilet, Coitus! up Your Butthole, and Coheed! and Cambria.
- It also spawned 30 biopics, and Book! At The Disco - a book containing all the universe's knowledge. but of course this is all but important to readers who really don't give a flying! fuck about any of this.
- Panic! are often considered emo, but apart from their daft haircuts, extremely tight clothing, whiney voices, retardedly long song names, self-mutilation, this consideration is unfounded.
[edit] The! Purported After-Effects
After going! to a concert of the band, many people! have reported feelings of shame, the desire to become a Mormon and, in some instances, a mild form of Instant and Bloody Death. The American Dental Association have warned that parents who take their kids! to their concerts grow a craving for gay emo boys. That's right, the parents, not the kids.
There are also unconfirmed rumors! of Mr.T and an emo posse dressed in top hats and ridiculously tight tights attacking anyone who says or thinks Panic! At the Disco without putting a huge amount of emphasis on the word "Panic." The identities! of these emo men are unknown, but most agree that Roger Moore and Hitler! probably have nothing to do with it.
[edit] Bottle! at the Concert
During their opening song at the Carling Weekend: Reading Festival, a terrorist! in the audience, having snuck in from Canada on a giant duck, used a homemade projectile launcher to fire a bottle! at Brendon Urie, killing him. Reportedly, the tears of a thousand fangirls flooded the concert killing all other members of the band. Brendon and the band recovered a few months after the incident, just in time to join in with the surviving audience as they finally finished exclaiming the name of the song they were about to play. About his actions, the man responsible for Urie's death issued the following statement:
"It has become startlingly apparent that we live in a world of perpetual fear when we can't even recognize the difference between terrorism and a public service."
The entire set of events eventually inspired a short novela, which in turn inspired P!@TD to write an irrelevant song with a irrelevant quotation for the long irrelevant title.
[edit] Panic! at the Disco Myth
Rumor has it that if you go into the bathroom, turn off the lights and say I’m a faggot ten times into the mirror with your eyes closed and your middle finger up your ass while spinning (upside down) one of the band members will appear and beg you to let her or it suck your cock. If you refuse to let her or it suck your dick the other 3 Faggoteers will appear, tie you down, strip you of your clothes, and eat your testicles.They will then rape you repeatedly while driving over bumpy roads on golf carts , throw you behind the sea and rape you with golf clubs.
[edit] Disco! Graphy
A Cock You Cant Wank Off
Released 2006 by Dekaydans Rekords à la Egregious Music Incorporated (Generic Emo-Punk 24621552/A01-A13)
- Introduction (Look at How Self-Absorbed We Are) - 0:36
- The Only Difference Between Me And Suicide Is My Wrist - 2:54
- London Beckoned This Long Gay Song Title To Try And Make Us Money (For Blades) - 3:23
- Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks, Blades For Wrists - 3:23
- Cuminmymouth - 3:11
- Time (For Me) To
DanceDie<- 3:22 - Since I'm Too Emo To Get One; I Like Lying About Seeing A Girl Take Her Clothes Off - 3:20
- Intermissionary Sex Position (Just A Cover-up, We're Actually Really Gay) - 2:35
- But It's Better If You Don't (live) - 3:25
- That Gay Song We Wrote About Closing Doors And Writing Sins- 3:06
- I Constantly Thank Satan For Emoism - 3:30
- There May Be A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered, But None For Our Try-Hard Long Titles - 3:16
- Who Cares About This Song's Title When It's Lyrics Are Parodies From The Sound Of Music's "Her Favourite Things" - 3:40
- Bonus! Track Disc One:
- Okay, We Get It - This Song Title Is Really, Really, Really Long and Equally As Unimportant, Confusing, and Unrelated to the Contents of Its Lyrics As The Others - 4:16
- Hey, we don't have a title for this song. I mean, we were sitting right here watching some porn and Quotations for Chuck Palahniuk, and then someone said "Guys, we need to make a new song" and I said "Whoa, we're not Emo, but we like large un-interesting title tracks on songs that don't make sense, so what if we record this conversation and put it as the title of the song you're talking about?" and he said "That's the most brilliant idea I've ever heard. Let's Record it!" and we recorded it. Damn it was so funny, though no one laughed and the bassist slit his wrists again. And, if you focus on this title, you'll find out this title is longer than anyone else EVER. Also it would probably take longer to read this song's title than it would to listen to the song itself. I mean, it's only like twelve seconds I mean, we rock. OMFGLOLRMFAO. PD. We're no Emo - 0:12
- If One! More Person Changes Their! Myspace Display Name to! (Their Name Here)! At! The Disco, We're Going! to Either (a) Slap! A Hoe or (b) Sue! For Copyright Infringement (We! Just Haven't Figured It! Out Yet, Honey) - 2:54
- How To Slit Your Wrists Version One - 6:66
- How To Slit Your Wrists Version Two - 3:M0
- Bonus! Tracks Disc Two:
- Close the Goddamn door - 4:46
- Open the Goddamn door 6:64 (It's a Panic! at The Disco song, they don't manage our same time system)
- Close the Goddamn open door. - 4:64
- Open the Goddamn closed door - 6:44
- Close the Goddamn open door (remix) - 44:66
- Open the Goddamn open door (remix) - 646:44 (A hidden track is included named "Damn, how do you want to open a motherfucking Door that is already opened? I can't continue working with this band. I don't even know why I'm remixing this." - 46:46)
- Leave the Goddamn open door 6464:66
- Leave the Goddamn open door open 4:66:4
- Leave the Goddamn open door open or shut the door 0:4
Their second album, Weasels! Rip My Flesh (supposedly a tribute to Frank Zappa) is scheduled to be released in 2007. It has been announced that the first single to be released will be "Thanks For Making Us Rich, Chuck". Angry Sunni leaders in Iraq have already said they are likely to boycott.
On October 13, 2007 Panic! released their live album, "The Devil and Pete Wentz Are Raging Inside Me".
There only album that has a song in it is there latest one, the song is titled "I Write Sins Not Cavities"
While they were on tour, Panic! At the Disco put on Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and decided to start writing songs while they were high. This led to the loss of the ! because "It wasn't chill enough". Their newest album is titled "Pretty. High."
- "We've So Got The Munchies" - 1:21
- "High In The Afternoon (And the Morning too!) - 3:11
- "She's so toked up" - 3:12
- "Do You Know What I'm Seeing?" - 4:14
- "That High Gentleman" - 3:15
- "I Have Friends with lots of weed" - 1:56
- "Downpour of Smoke" - 4:07
- "When The Lighter Met the Pipe" - 4:53
- "Pas de Hashpipe"- 2:39
- "The Piano Knows Where My Stash Is" - 3:43
- "Behind the Books (is my dope)" - 3:33
- "Tokin' Around" - 1:55
- "She Had The Mary Jane" - 3:47
- "From a joint in my ashtray" - 3:02
- "I can't get mad because I'm to high" - 3:48
Recently!, Panic! at the Disco released a new album. "Live in The Hash" It was the same thing as "Pretty. High." because they take 5 fucking years to write songs and think this is an excuse for a new album. The only difference between! these to albums the the alternate version of the "piano knows where my stash is" it is reported that the alternate part! is that you can hear the moans of brendon "urine sample" urie getting fucked up the asshole by ryan ross in the background of the painful singing.
“The guys who are calling panic at the disco fags are ironic because, those "fags" in panic! at the disco are covered in pussy yet those guys are at home beating off using their tears for lube”
~ Troll on this article.
[edit] Also! Known As
P!ATD
Panic at the disco
Pussies at the Disco
M!ILF
[edit] See! Also
- Panic! on the Titanic
- Picnic! At The Table
- Pigment! At The Sisqo
- Panic! At San Fransisco
- Histeria! At The Discothèque
- Panic! On 9/11(too soon?)
