Parallelogram

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Hieroglyphic instructions for creating a parallelogram.

The parallelogram is a mythical idea which has plagued mankind since the dawn of time. It is a notion that thinkers have thought about and non-thinkers have overlooked. Diverse groups have been particularly preoccupied by the idea. Mathematicians and geometrists in particular have been running in circles in efforts to find evidence to support their theories.

The Greek mathematician, Pythagoras, is considered to have come the closest to providing a concrete link to the parallelogram when he managed to square numbers, however, he was left with pi on his face when he tried to squash one of his squares to provide the conclusive proof that his peers sought and the idea still resides in the realm of the theoretical along with other notions such as a balanced economy and honest politicians.

Christian involvement[edit]

Christians are another group which have been particularly preoccupied by parallelograms.

The 11th commandment stated: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's parallelogram."

This commandment was dropped from Christian dogma following the holy wars fought in the 9th and 10th century after theologian authorities postulated that a reduction in commandments by 10% could produce a 17% reduction in the provocation to rape and pillage during religious altercations. Their projections were almost dead on, however, what they did not forsee was an increase in the number of holy wars by 21.3% over the next 9 decades.

Modern situation[edit]

One of the consequences of the PC epidemic

Western Union, in the early 1900's attempted to take advantage of the widespread popularity of the belief in the myth and its frequent mention in children's bedtime stories by introducing a commercial message service called the parallelogram, but the effort failed due to the much faster and more economical service provided by the telegram.

Believers in parallelograms were given a brief breath of hope when asphalt shingles started to become widely used and row upon row of these rectangularly shaped pieces of material were affixed to new and remodeled houses throughout the country.

In the mid 20th century Bank of America introduced a plastic card which identified its customers and allowed them to make purchases from participating merchants without writing checks. They called their network of participating merchants a Parallelogram but later changed its name to Visa when it became evident that after several drinks most people found it difficult to tell the waiter or barman: "Charge it to my Parallelogram."

PC epidemic[edit]

In the late 20th century, sociologists noted a dramatic increase in the incidence of parallelogram coveters (PCs). At first it was considered to be a passing fad but once commercial interests such as IBM, Microsoft, HP, and others started offering services the growth of the numbers of PCs in existence expanded in an explosive form.

Today is it common to find one or more PCs in every household, as well as frequent appearances in offices, autos, airports and cyber cafes. PCs have outstripped strippers and even huffers in total numbers and, if present trends continue even live sex is expected to be replaced, the polar ice cap will disappear, and George Bush will serve another term as president of the USA.