Paul Bearer
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Paul Bearer (109-2006) is a famous fat, mentally unstable, gay wrestler, actor, poet, and artist. He has had bouts with being retarded. Who knows what is wrong with him.
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[edit] Early Years
Paul was born at the dawn of time. He was the son of Satan and Greg Louganis. When Paul was little,he was smacked on the head repeatedly by Martian Manhunter. This caused him to be a retard. Paul grew up and had to write an essay for school. He wrote about a cat that he had. However, it didn't exist. The cat, Wilbur, could "do whatever the fuck he wanted to," according to Paul.
[edit] Mental Years
Paul Bearer became a wrestler since he had no brains. He used to rape his opponents in the ring. They would run away. During this time, Paul also started developing a different personality. It was Percy Pringle. Percy Pringle was bipolar and would yell frequently about donuts, the Tourettes Guy, Chuck Norris, Adolf Hitler.
[edit] Finding Jesus
Paul soon discovered that he was gay. He decided to find the only other fat, gay guy around. This man was David Crosby who was, at that time in a relationship with Barista. So Paul decided to kill Barista by smothering him with his fat ass. Once Barista was out of the way ihs relationship with Crosby started. He found Jesus with Crosby and they prayed. He became normal for once, and became a crack cocaine addicted artist by the name of William Moody. Paul and David lived a very happy life together with Percy. However, Percy wanted to break free.
[edit] The Battle Within
Paul Bearer suffered periodic episodes of intense, explosive, projectile, nuclear diarrhea. It was reported that he used to run up and down the streets of New York City screaming "Diarrhea is A Battle Raging Inside Me." When asked further about what this meant, he pooped his brains out of his nose, did a slight giggle, and pranced away skipping on his elbows.
[edit] The Racist Cow Incident
Shortly after Paul and David's marriage, Paul and David went to a farm for their honeymoon. Paul met a cow named Pee Pee, who allegedly called Paul a RACIST WORD. However, this wasn't true, since cows can't speak.
[edit] Decline in Health
Depression began to set in and his weight soared to over 5000lbs and he famously collapsed through his bedroom floor, into the kitchen, and onto a series of springs which bounced him into the garden, causing the death-by-crushing of 4 apple trees. It was around this time that he received a call from Vince McMahon asking him to make an appearance at Wrestlemania 20 alongside The Undertaker in a Fat Fucking Bastard on a Pole match.
[edit] Death
Paul was really getting dumber by the minute and David had him sent to a mental institution. There, he met the Joker, who buried him in cement. He died later on in the day.
[edit] Resurrection
An angel came down to resurrect Bearer, but decided against it and went out for a beer instead. He remains a dead man to this day. Really.
